Hello, my sister and I are very close in age and both recently got married to our long term partners. I have a young step son who's mother is not involved and he is my world, my sister and her partner do not yet have any children. My sister told me and our Mum she was pregnant late last year but unfortunately lost the baby at six weeks pregnant. This was very sad as she has always wanted to be a mother and has been grieving ever since. Shortly after she lost the baby I found out I was pregnant, I put off telling her for longer than I normally would have as I was worried about her reaction following their loss. When I told her she burst into tears and drove home and then didn't speak to me for two weeks (we normally speak daily). I was really upset about this but understood her reaction. I have put off celebrating my birth and doing some of the things I would have done because I want to be tactful to my sister. She started speaking to me again and tried to act happy for me but then I announced by birth on social media at seven months and she has not spoken to me since (I am due in three week). I am so upset as I want my sister to be involved in the babies life. Obviously this is a very tough time for her as she has not been able to conceive following her miscarriage nine months ago. My mother is caught up in the middle of the situation and tensions are running high. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? I keep reaching out to my sister but she said she is too upset to speak to me :(
AIBU?
AIBU to be upset about my sisters reaction to my pregnancy?
helloiamnewhere · 10/07/2020 11:14
Am I being unreasonable?
370 votes. Final results.
POLLI don't know, perhaps you should let your sister know you're giving her space and step back. It's extremely difficult if you were very close, talking daily etc. You have to consider what's best for you too.
I expect she will put her feelings aside when the baby is here? I don't suppose you can force it or make her behave differently.
It's going to be difficult for your sister if she's so upset and has to completely withdraw from anyone close to her that's pregnant..close friends, family, colleagues etc?
She probably doesn't realise but she's punishing you for falling pregnant and depriving herself of the joy of being an auntie. All quite self destructive behaviour.
Only you know how your sister would react to the suggestion of counselling. That might be something to broach with her.
Congratulations and how lovely to have a sibling for your step son. 
I didn’t have miscarriages, but I was TTC for 4 years and went through one cycle of IVF, which failed and revealed that I was infertile. During that period, my SIL got pregnant twice (she now has 5 DC) and I had to paint on a smile at family gatherings. I mostly succeeded in hiding my sadness; the only time I fell out with her (and fell out big time) was when she told me I was wrong to have IVF because of the spare embryos.
My DSis became pregnant a year later, but by then I’d come to terms with what I’d gone through and we were applying to adopt by then. It worked out really well, because her DD was 2 months younger than my DD1, as we adopted her at 1 year of age.
I do feel for your sister, as she’s obviously hurting, but I would never have wanted to make either my SIL or my DSis unhappy so I tried to keep my hurt hidden. Your sister does need to find a way to cope with pregnancy and birth announcements, because inevitably there will be some when you’re TTC.
I’m sure your sister will come round, as you’re obviously close. But in the meantime, try to focus on your baby, this should be a happy time.
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