Free for all after a death.

[slightlyoutting]

Backstory: I've inherited my grandparents house after looking after them for quite a few years and without sounding insensitive it's also my home as i've lived here for a couple of years too. My cousins have very rarely 'visited', with most holidays it's rare, and even rarer if it's not around Christmas/birthdays.

My Grandma died last winter, and my Grandad died a couple of months ago. My Grandparents wrote a will, the contents of the house goes to me and I was told to sort it all out myself - my grandad wants some of the boys to get his old tools and that's all i've got to go off.

One cousin said she's coming over next week 'to help me sort out the house'. I don't feel like I need help sorting it out as I had no intention of doing it next week, and she didn't bother helping out/visiting at all when they were alive. I hate the idea of the house becoming somewhat of a jumble sale with people rooting around to decide what they want. If she was just to ask for necklace, coffee set, Cliff Richard CD collection and the large wedding photo I would be fine and probably bag it up for her.

I've heard from another family member that (jumble) cousin isn't happy and feels like i'm blocking her out of her grandparents house and I shouldn't be greedy.

AIBU? And what's the best way to organise this? I've already split the jewellery and photos, and a few knick knacks people have asked for have been given out.

WHO is being greedy now? YANBU op. Do not let them anywhere near your house. They sound like revolting vultures. Stay strong!

Houses only need 'sorting' if they are being sold. But you aren't selling the house and it is your house. Not your grandparents' house any more, and certainly not hers.

So, you need to tell her that if she wants to come for a cup of tea and a chat, that's fine, but the house doesn't need sorting out, and you're quite happy with it as it is.

ivykaty what would happen if someone didn't have the funds immediately to buy something? No way of telling how much you would eventually receive or when. It would be awful to lose something of great sentimental value just because you didn't have the money, particularly as it could go to a dealer. Getting money in exchange for it is a poor substitute.

I don't think there's an easy way. I keep seeing family items in other relations houses that must have been acquired when my gps died but I only got a cheap (empty) jewellery box that I bought my dgm when I was a teenager. It means the world to me.My dps have nothing apart from a few photos. Others inherited furniture, china, jewellery and so on. We would all had sentimental attachments to the larger pieces but I wouldn't have been able to bid on the items as the wealthiest relatives would have outbid me and people outside the family.

Just tell her nothing "needs sorting" thanks.

See if she comes back with anything else. Like you say if she said I always loved grandma's x it'll remind me of her that's fine, if she just wants to rummage she can F off!

I'd message and say

"Hi, thanks for the offer but I'm not up to visitors at the moment. I will be taking inventory of all of the stuff that I am able to pass along, so I'll send it your way. If there is anything specific you had in mind as a memento, please let me know and I will put it aside for you"

OP. If the relatives have keys change the locks. Tell Ms Grabby that the will was very explicit about who was inheriting what (no need to explain further) and that once probate has been completed their wishes will be carried out. Until that time you are legally unable to sort anything.

That gives you time to think about what you would like other people to have and decide how to distribute it. Don't rush it, you need time to process everything you've been through.

Relative made her choice over who inherited. Not for the op to start sharing out stuff anyway...
Remember the thread about the deceased's friend moving in and the op struggling to get her to leave ??
Cousin needs to be kept far away..

If there is a will just work off that.
It is usually split evenly between the family regardless of who gave what care. I looked after my DM daily, done the shopping, cleaned the house now she is gone there was no question of splitting her few bits money etc between the 4 DC my siblings.
They all work fulltime they're all financially stable well off. I'm at part timer with less money so I had more free time, it really doesn't bother me as cheesy as it sounds I'm glad I'd the opportunity to be there more, they're suffering with guilt I don't have any regrets.

Does "sort it out yourself" mean you were made a sole executor in an official will.

Perhaps you need to show them the will. Have you received the grant of probate? If a house is involved I presume it is not seen as a "small estate".

If none of the above, see a solicitor.

Where you living there when they died? Or was it in the years previous.
Family can claim manipulation was involved then hire a solicitor for contesting the will.

OP your grandparents left a Will which is a legal document leaving everything to you (except the tools you mention). Tell the cousin ''What are you talking about regarding sorting things out''? Ask her not to interfere in your affairs.
Also cut to the chase and tell her if she/other relatives want anything from the estate she/they will need to contest the Will.
I don't understand PPs comments differing from this i.e. saying ''is it fair?'' etc. Will do not have to be ''fair'' but can be contested.

Just say no and keep the door locked. It's your house and home. Funny how greedy cousin thinks you're being greedy. Sort out their stuff you aren't keeping take it someone elses house for everyone to go through and take a memento from.

From OP's post, it seems she was left the entire estate, with her grandfather telling her to give things to other grandchildren.

I assume you are the executor of the estate, OP? Has the Will been probated yet?

I think I would just phone the cousin, thank her for her concern, ask her what she specifically wants, and that you are not yet emotionally ready to have her go through the house, which is your home.

@Paddy1234

I don't t like these threads at all. Nothing at all against OP but feel that everything should be equal. Why if someone has done the last couple of years care when someone is at most vulnerable should they automatically inherit and it's always a sob sob story. Woe is me, these people are in my house.

There are always many sides to the story.

There will be executors. That is there job.

You have no idea of the OP's situation so how can you tell that it should be equal?

You don't know how long the OP has been caring for her GP's, only that she's lived there for a couple of years.

I inherited my Nana's flat. On the first glance seems unfair given my Aunt, my Uncle and my siblings exist. However, they were given their share of the estate when I was 12 to protect me from being homeless if she died while I was young. So it actually was only ever my inheritance in danger of being lost to care home fees.

The OP could have done many, many years of caring, but "only" done 24/7 care for the last few years having given up her own home to do so.

Regardless of the reason the home and it's contents have been left to the OP. It's her home. The cousins have no rights to be making demands to help her sort her own home

@slightlyoutting Be prepared for this to be the way your home is viewed by your family forever.

Relatives in my family still regard my Nana's flat as hers more than 10 years after I inherited it. When I lived there they still felt entitled to walk in without knocking, as Nana was happy with. They'd raid the fridge as they had when it was their Mum's home.

It has never, and will never, be my home in their eyes.

Lyralalala, you really need to change the locks. My poor I’ll father had this will grabby relations, I got the locks changed and they were furious. But my father could live more peacefully, although I am pretty sure they went through his things in the past.

@totalpeas22

Lyralalala, you really need to change the locks. My poor I’ll father had this will grabby relations, I got the locks changed and they were furious. But my father could live more peacefully, although I am pretty sure they went through his things in the past.

Oh I did. I don’t live there anymore

I’m just warning the OP that to her relatives it’ll never really be her house and everything in it will be her grandparents

Change the locks, just in case and personally I'd get it done today. Follow the will. If it was all left to you then that was what your Grandma intended. Reply to your cousin that you don't need any help "sorting" anything so they don't need to come over at all. They will fall out with you over this whatever you do, so you might as well get that over and done with. You know if you even let this person in for a cup of tea they will be barging past you to look for stuff don't you?

Tell the cousin that you're coming over next week to help her sort out the house. When she asks "Eh, what house?", say her house. Presumably, she'll ask why she would need you to come over and help sort her own home, and then you can reciprocate in kind.

This reminds me of the the other recent thread, where the prodigal brother asked the sensible brother if he had 'any of Mum's money' left. Several posters quite rightly said that it wasn't Mum's money any more, as she'd died and left it equally to her sons - the fact that the spendthrift one had burned through his share didn't mean that the wise one should have to hand over his.

It's definitely a warning sign that she said 'the house' rather than 'their possessions'. She sees it that you were their live-in carer (regardless of whether you contributed financially too) and, now they're gone, you're no longer needed, so it's time to divide 'our' house. Be very careful as she clearly sees the house and all possessions as 'theirs' i.e. 'up for grabs', so pound to a penny, you will have her eyeing up and likely just helping herself to anything, even things that were your own personal possessions from new and nothing to do with the deceased people. Whatever you do, never let her play the 'you've done so much already, you go out for a nice relaxing afternoon and leave it to me' card - she'll be reversing the truck up to the front door and taking everything including the light bulbs.

@Bahhhhhumbug

I was going to hare some of proceeds with them but solicitor has advised strongly against this because as pp have said they won't be happy till they get a full share so ld be throwing money away basically as they still wouldn't speak to me /bad mouth me etc. and lm not prepared to give them an even split

Listen to your solicitor - that’s what you pay them for. They see this all the time and are good judges of character.

What a sad and difficult time for you OP, I am sorry you have lost your Grandparents.
The house and contents are yours, no-one else has a claim on them. If your Grandparents had wanted your cousins to have things they would have stipulated that, so calmly say that there is nothing to “sort out” , it is your house, you live there, they are your things. If there is something specific that a cousin wants you can consider that request but don’t feel obliged. Try and stand firm and don’t let them bully you.
It is very wrong on them to put pressure on you now.

Why does everyone assume OP is the angel in this story? Plenty of people screw their families over by manipulating living Grandparents to inherit the lot and get other family written out of the will. Maybe that’s what OP has done too.

All OP has said is that looked after them for “quite a few years” (how, by calling in once/week?), and it was her home as she moved in there two years ago. So does this mean she lived rent and expense free at her grandparents for two years, that would make her a CF doing her best to set up a cushy inheritance at her cousins and aunts expense.

There’s always two sides to an inheritance issue.

So sorry for your loss
Tell them you're still grieving even if they don't appear to be, and in due course you will deal with matters just as you have all along without their help.
A polite way of telling them to shove off. Bloody leeches.

It’s your home. Sort through everything at your own pace with no pressure from anyone else. Perhaps tell your relatives that and say everything you don’t want to keep will be put to one side for them to choose from at a later date. I might find I had a convenient dose of Covid if they persist.

I’d tell her it won’t be convenient, you don’t need help, thank you.
IMO it’s reasonable for relatives to choose something as a keepsake - it’s the vultures who want to swoop in and nab whatever they think might be worth something that you have to watch.

When a SiL’s GM died, there was a general invitation to family to choose what they liked from the contents of her house.

What they didn’t mean was for a grandson’s wife - not a blood relation - to dive straight in and help herself to all the jewellery!

I’m pleased to say they made her give it all back.