Free for all after a death.

[slightlyoutting]

Backstory: I've inherited my grandparents house after looking after them for quite a few years and without sounding insensitive it's also my home as i've lived here for a couple of years too. My cousins have very rarely 'visited', with most holidays it's rare, and even rarer if it's not around Christmas/birthdays.

My Grandma died last winter, and my Grandad died a couple of months ago. My Grandparents wrote a will, the contents of the house goes to me and I was told to sort it all out myself - my grandad wants some of the boys to get his old tools and that's all i've got to go off.

One cousin said she's coming over next week 'to help me sort out the house'. I don't feel like I need help sorting it out as I had no intention of doing it next week, and she didn't bother helping out/visiting at all when they were alive. I hate the idea of the house becoming somewhat of a jumble sale with people rooting around to decide what they want. If she was just to ask for necklace, coffee set, Cliff Richard CD collection and the large wedding photo I would be fine and probably bag it up for her.

I've heard from another family member that (jumble) cousin isn't happy and feels like i'm blocking her out of her grandparents house and I shouldn't be greedy.

AIBU? And what's the best way to organise this? I've already split the jewellery and photos, and a few knick knacks people have asked for have been given out.

[CatWhisperer86]

“Thanks for the offer but I’m not up for visitors at the moment. I’ll deal with any sorting out that’s needed as and when I feel ready’

I’m sorry for your loss x

[crosseyedMary]

Your house your rules
ignore the vultures

[Sunnydayshereatlast]

Message cousin today op or this will eat you up so much you will agree to her coming!

[bringincrazyback]

If her cousins and other family member number 30 people, it’s hugely unlikely that 29 of them are greedy grasping vultures with only OP the deserving beneficiary of her grandparents 80 years or so of life.

Wholly irrelevant remark as you've plucked a figure of 30 out of thin air when many if not most families are smaller than that.

You're now inventing people as well as motives. That's some great creative work you've got going on today.

[dooratheexplorer]

The people saying that everything should be equal.....

I agree. Those relatives should have been helping to care for the grandparents.

At the end of the day, there is a will and pretty much everything was left to the op.

When I die, I want the people I specify to benefit from all my crap. I don't want a load of random relatives I never see to pop up out of the woodwork. Luckily, I don't think that will be the case as I have a very small family. If it were, I would be very tempted to tell everyone it will all be donated to an animal charity in advance.

[dooratheexplorer]

In fact, I might start telling everyone it's all going to the cat's home now to set the expectation....

[slightlyoutting]

Thank you all for the responses as usually I only get a couple if I post.

I was feeling guilty, not because I had influenced their decision as I really didn’t (never made even the slightest hint) as I’m the least money orientated person - I was okay giving up my career as I felt that my wages wouldn’t buy me half the satisfaction that knowing that my grandparents were okay. Funny enough my grandparents thought that a few of the cousins that had just started to pop up were just chasing the will and being a bit underhand (long story).

I do feel bad as they are grieving, and especially my grandad as it was recent. They were around the house as children and I’m sure they’ve got happy memories. It’s just as they became teens/adults/had their own families they stopped showing interest.

[MzHz]

@slightlyoutting sounds like your GP had the measure of them

Don’t feel a moment of guilt about these people

They aren’t grieving they’re grabbing.

Could they have keys or are you safe in the house?

[billy1966]

It can bring a truly awful side out in some people.

A dear friend of mine lost her MIL to a pedestrian accident.

It was a really terrible shock...police arriving at their door on a Sunday morning.

By the time they had gathered themselves to call to the family home 30 minutes away, her 3 sisters were at the house dividing up her wardrobe.......she had been a very smartly dressed woman.

They settled on an outfit none of them cared for, for their sister to be buried in.

My friend, in shock, never said a word as she was simply too stunned by everything....but it obviously hit her a couple of days later when she told me.

Appalling behaviour.

[cameocat]

I think I would just say 'thank you but I don't need any help sorting anything. If there's something that you'd particularly like then do let me know, if it isn't if interest to anyone else then I'll put it aside for you'.

[dooratheexplorer]

Very difficult to keep people happy in situations like so assume this is the last you will hear from them. Don't in any way try to be a 'people pleaser'. You don't need to be rude. Just keep it factual and to the point.

[zingally]

In all seriousness OP, if there is even the vaguest, tiniest hint that ANYONE apart from you has a copy of ANY keys to the house... Make getting ALL external locks changed as soon as you can. Also consider getting a burglar alarm fitted if there isn't one already.

Wills absolutely bring out the worst in people.

[FeedMeSantiago]

Change the locks, don't let them in.

An astonishing number of valuable items 'disappeared' from my grandmother's house after she died. I am confident that some of her children took them as soon as she died. Unfortunately people do do this so guard yourself against this OP.

Are you an executor of the will OP?

[NotShiny]

Theres always 2 sides to things like this. It's very easy to criticise people for not visiting much (could be a massive backstory), but equally easy to be suspicious of family members who seem to move in for the kill...ie befriend elderly relatives and move in so as they do inherit, like vultures.

[WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll]

There are definitely two different sides to this scenario in general - but for any one case, it's perfectly possible, more common than people might think, for some people to not care less about the elderly/ill person with the money but to then suddenly be right on it once there is money or valuables to be had.

I've even heard of cases where family members have deliberately missed their supposed loved one's funeral to go and grab what they can from the deceased person's house, knowing that everybody else will be away at the funeral.

Of course, there are also individual cases where people will wheedle their way in to a person's final years/months, make a big pretence of giving up their own life and caring for them and then do the absolute bare minimum with the sole purpose of cashing in big-time.

[SarahBellam]

For all the ‘two sides to every story’ posters, there really isn’t. All that matters is the will. That is what OP’s grandparents want and they drew up a legal document stipulating their wishes. Nothing else is relevant or important.

[WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll]

That is indeed true from a legal pov - it's just regarding how people state their case when seeking general opinions from a moral/social pov.

[StormTreader]

Sounds like theyve decided its all up for grabs.
Be firm now, completely unmovable.
Once they've learned thats how it is, THEN you can give what you feel is right.

[jackdaw141]

@ZeusLovesATickle

There is no way my homemade mint sauce is going anywhere near his best workshirt!!

My mum always said the best things in life are free. She said "We are born with time on our hands so be careful to use that time for profit" Uncle Jack would say "Oh yes, Profit - eroles" Greedy bugger. Are you still in Durham?