Free for all after a death.

[slightlyoutting]

Backstory: I've inherited my grandparents house after looking after them for quite a few years and without sounding insensitive it's also my home as i've lived here for a couple of years too. My cousins have very rarely 'visited', with most holidays it's rare, and even rarer if it's not around Christmas/birthdays.

My Grandma died last winter, and my Grandad died a couple of months ago. My Grandparents wrote a will, the contents of the house goes to me and I was told to sort it all out myself - my grandad wants some of the boys to get his old tools and that's all i've got to go off.

One cousin said she's coming over next week 'to help me sort out the house'. I don't feel like I need help sorting it out as I had no intention of doing it next week, and she didn't bother helping out/visiting at all when they were alive. I hate the idea of the house becoming somewhat of a jumble sale with people rooting around to decide what they want. If she was just to ask for necklace, coffee set, Cliff Richard CD collection and the large wedding photo I would be fine and probably bag it up for her.

I've heard from another family member that (jumble) cousin isn't happy and feels like i'm blocking her out of her grandparents house and I shouldn't be greedy.

AIBU? And what's the best way to organise this? I've already split the jewellery and photos, and a few knick knacks people have asked for have been given out.

[LakieLady]

"Dear cousin

I'd prefer to deal with my house and my stuff myself, thanks. Your offer is very kind, and if I find I do need assistance, I'll give you a call."

That should sort it, but for avoidance of doubt you could put the word "my" in bold or something.

Cheeky fuckers.

[Thisisworsethananticpated]

Whoever mentioned executor was right
Read the will and check !
And sorry for your loss xx

[MsJaneAusten]

Sorry for your loss

“Dear Jumble, thank you for the offer but I don’t need any help sorting my home. It would be lovely to see you though - let me know when you’re free for a walk?”

[totalpeas22]

Do you need these people in your life? Don’t let them push you around. Seen this all first hand including bullying elderly parents who were ill

[ElsieMc]

Dont let her in op but do not allow it to get to that. Text and tell her that you don't need any help and will go through things slowly. If there is anything specific she wants to let you know. She is on a fishing expedition, checking what there is and taking an opportunity to quiz you and possibly pressurise you as beneficiary.

Its so horrible how a death and inheritance issues bring out the very worst in people. I only saw my dad cry once and that was when my grandmother died, we went to her house and her other children had already taken the carpets up. We were stood there on bare floor boards in an empty room. The worst thing was she would give you the clothes off her back.

When my aunt died, her daughters invited me to her house. When I got there they asked me to choose what I wished to keep to remember her. They said they were only inviting those who had loved her and were not greedy. I found it very embarassing though as it seemed like I was intruding in some way.

Your house op, you invite people, they don't tell you when they are coming round to rifle through your possessions.

[Redred2429]

Don't let them bully you op

[Livelovebehappy]

It depends on any backstory tbh. We have situation where BIL lives with, and looks after, MIL. Has done for about 5 years. Everyone thinks he’s a saint for it, but don’t realise that he left his previous rented house when split with ex wife, moving in with MIL as literally homeless, pays nothing at all towards anything, living there FOC, and tells everyone he thinks he should inherit the house. MIL, whilst a little frail, needs minimal care. Sometimes living with an elderly relative is mutually beneficial to both parties, and can cause friction amongst other family members. BIL tries to block us from visits, but we visit nonetheless. These situations aren’t always straight forward.

[stellabelle]

Don't let her near the place. It's your home and your stuff, nothing to do with her.

My nieces tried this on when my mother died - never bothered to go around to see if Granny needed anything when she was alive, but they were on the doorstep the day after she died " to see if we can help". Which meant "to see what we can help ourselves to" more like it.

Don't let this happen OP. Stand your ground.

[TheVanguardSix]

Sorry to be that person. I've never inherited anything and I won't. I am so glad! I've watched what people become when DH and his sister inherited their dad's modest estate. Perfectly reasonable people descend into feral mud wrestlers. It can become the most embarrassing pick n mix raid. And when you're left, trying to bat these creatures off, it's so stressful. So keep a cool head and remember, you don't have to engage with any of them. You just follow the letter of the law and the words of the will. They are bond. Don't be bullied.
Anyway, OP, stand your ground. You don't open that door to anyone until you've sorted things out. Good luck!

[back2good]

"Thank you for the offer to 'help' sort out grandma's house, but it's no longer grandma's house, it's my house. I have made sure that everyone received the items grandma wanted them to have. I will deal with the rest of MY house as I see fit. Thank you."

Refuse to engage beyond this. And change the locks.

[Charleyhorses]

It's terrible
I am still waiting for someone to answer honestly on Antiques Road show. "So how did you come by this?" "I got my elbows out and got there first."

[dooratheexplorer]

"Thanks for the offer but I'm not going to go through anything just yet."

At the end of the day, you've inherited the lot. If your grandparents didn't want specific things to go to specific people then you're really under no obligation to give them.

If somone asks for the Monet painting in the lounge. I would decide whether I wanted to keep it or not then offer it to everyone.

Very cheeky if no one ever came to see them very often.

[RandyLionandDirtyDog]

Sorry for your losses OP.

Could you offer to write out an inventory of the items owned by the grandparents that need to be disposed of and email copies to all the family members asking them to identify anything that they are particularly interested in?

Give them an opportunity to request specific items of sentimental value.

At the same time, making it clear that the house is your home and so it won’t be available for ransacking.

[WeAllHaveWings]

You need to give out a clear message that there is no "sorting out" needed.

If she pushes or makes any comment about the contents, make it clear your grandad's wishes were you were left the house and the contents and they are now your property and you will decide in your own time what you will do with them.

[ivykaty44]

tell mrs grabby cousin that she needs to contact the executors re "sorting the house"b as it all needs to be done legally

[ivykaty44]

my great grandmother died in 1976 and had several grandchildren and great grandchildren.

Grandmothers executors auctioned the contents of the home - that way everyone had a chance to purchase the items they required or wished for, then the money from the sale was distributed equally between the grandchildren. It was a public auction therefore the true price for each item on the day was established

[jackdaw141]

@ivykaty44 Wow, that's a good idea. A few sale fees, but it does make sense in some cases.

[ivykaty44]

jackdaw141

As there were around9 grandchildren and 10 great it made it much easier. there were a few grandchildren that were grabby and others that weren't, so it did make it fair. Added to which it didn't matter how much money you had as you knew you'd get a share back

[Paddy1234]

I don't t like these threads at all.
Nothing at all against OP but feel that everything should be equal.
Why if someone has done the last couple of years care when someone is at most vulnerable should they automatically inherit and it's always a sob sob story. Woe is me, these people are in my house.

There are always many sides to the story.

There will be executors. That is there job.

[ilovemydogandMrObama]

What Jackdaw said.

Great idea Ivykaty and much would depend on the condition of the items. My uncle died recently and hardly would have been deemed valuable other than for sentimental reasons.

But agree with not having to distribute the items yourself as this puts way too much of a burden on you. Your cousin may or may not be trying to be helpful, but as you say, they are feeling shut out, so you could say that the items aren't really yours to give at the moment as the estate is still in probate (if that's true). Is there anyone who could run interference for you? Mom, Dad, sibling?

[jessycake]

I do understand she feels shut out , but it's too soon , it is your home and you are grieving and don't feel up to it Tell her that you are not going to dispose or sell any of your grandparents possessions , and just sort them out over a period and put them in one of the spare rooms .

[MulticolourMophead]

@Paddy1234

I don't t like these threads at all.
Nothing at all against OP but feel that everything should be equal.
Why if someone has done the last couple of years care when someone is at most vulnerable should they automatically inherit and it's always a sob sob story. Woe is me, these people are in my house.

There are always many sides to the story.

There will be executors. That is there job.

People can leave their possessions as they see fit. No one has any right to expect to inherit. I already know that my dad is not leaving anything to me or my DBro, it's all going to the grandchildren. And that's fair enough, his choice.

OP, I agree with checking with the executors, if it's not you, and if there's a chance this cousin has a key, I'd change the locks.

As it's your house, be firm in that you don't want the cousin coming around, there are some good suggestions for emails. That your cousin thinks you are being "greedy" says it all.

[Tanith]

Don't let her in.

If she's anything like my greedy, grasping vulture of a cousin, she will go all through the house and contents, grabbing anything and everything of value that she can.
My vile cousin actually did this to my grandfather when my grandmother died.
I'm not surprised that you never saw hide nor hair of her before this. We used to joke that we only ever saw my cousin at funerals, but she didn't bother for my mum earlier this year. Mum was her godmother, but clearly she thought it wasn't worth her while...

If you feel like hitting back, then point out the sudden interest when she never bothered before.
Even if you do let her in, by the way, she'll still be carping on about the will and insinuating that you're not being honest. So you've nothing to lose by telling her whatever you feel like telling her.

[Bridecilla]

Do they know it's solely yours?

I agree with pp. Tell Jumble to fuck off

[randomer]

I hope this is all legally recorded and safe. People act in an appalling manner round money. I know this to my cost.