DP and I had a barny

[Tiggytigert]

AIBU?

We have been having a rough patch, claimed he would change and help out more but, it's a day or two then it goes back to normal.

I feel like if I ask he moans about it, then if I don't ask it builds up and I end up doing it myself.

Our kitchen would literally go mouldy if I didn't.

I am on ML so he is still working but most mornings we are ip the same time and I'm in bed later than him (a 6 month old is classed as a full time job or is this unreasonable 😅) I do all the nights as I breastfeed, I do all the nappies, changing of clothes, washing, tidying, cooking mainly, he even refuses to do his lunches most days then complains we are spending so much money or he has none left.

Every day he comes home, spends 5 minutes cooing over DD and then goes on his phone to play games for hours, i maybe get a word or two edgeways an hour.

Today, i lost it.

I'm poorly, I asked him too look after DD for 2 minutes while I went to the toilet, I came back, she was all agitated and he was sitting with her on his knee playing his poxy phone game, again (one that winds him up SO much he gets frustrated and shitty the rest of the evening) I mentioned it and then asked if he could try get baby to sleep while I finished my dinner (as he had finished his) he walked around for 2 minutes gave up and said she just wants you and is looking for you.

How on earth am I supposed to get her to sleep without me and ready for nursery..

I have repeatedly said over and over I need help, I want more time to do things (I've not showered in a week! (I have wiped myself down but baby is going through a leap and growth spurt and teething..))

Every time I do, I sort of lose it, I ask for help then it never ever changes. I'm so exhausted mentally and physically. I feel like im a parent to a baby and an adult man child.

We have been together a long, long time and I do love him, but I just feel numb. I need help.

Am I being over the top? Is it too much to ask to not have to ask??

To any of you, who are single mums, how do you do it? Manage baby full time, bills, work, do you get on for babies sake? I just do not know what to do anymore ☹️😥

@TeachAdopt

The best piece of advice I ever received was that, when you have a baby, there's a 180% of things to do. You're doing 90% of the work and so is he. I'll get attacked for saying it here but it kept us together.

😂 I take it that person wasn't very good at maths.

Well, with my ex, I tried everything and he never got better. Once I had him watch our 3-year-old and he never bothered. The 3-year-old got bored and went for a walk by himself and fell in a stream. Luckily a neighbor saw him and pulled him out, but he really could have drowned. Ex hadn't even noticed he was missing, even though that was all he had to do for a couple of hours. I never forgave him for that. He's a shit dad and was a shit husband too. It's easy to say just leave him alone with the kids, but it's not always a good idea.

Was he like this before you had a baby, op? That's usually a clue as to how they'll be after having a baby. If he's always been the same then I'm afraid I don't have much hope of him changing. If this is new behaviour then a recommend leaving him under no misapprehension that you will not stand for it. Selfish prick.

Good luck in hospital.
Do not have high expectations in terms of housework and tidy ness.
As long as DC is fed and clean, it is all good.
Now that he is the only carer, he will step up as he does not have you to fall back on.
This will be eye opening for him. When you get home and he tells you how hard it is, just look at him and say ‘I know, factor in all the cooking and cleaning as well, and you have my day. Understand why I ask for help now?’
I hope your health improves and this is a turning point for you.
💐

Thanks all for your comments, way too many to reply to individually so please don't be offended if I don't reply!

Its made me realise something definitely needs to change and that, I'm not asking too much for some simple help round the house! I'm going to see how he his over the weekend and go from there and maybe have a chat with MIL and see if she can give him a kick up the butt! I grew up with no father around and I know he'd be there FOR DD id much prefer jf possible for us to stick together!

He had a crap nighy with her last night as I stayed in over night (tbf I had a great sleep, feel refreshed and energised lol!) so hopefully he will realise how hard it is to do every day! Don't get me wrong DD is golden, sleeps pretty much all night has a few dream feeds but doesn't necessarily wake. He was thrown in at the deep end, which maybe he needed! She is alive still, well, I'm hoping! So he did well in that sense.

Before baby he was amazing, we had an amazing relationship, he is kind, thoughtful when needed, understanding etc. I'm just unsure where he's gone after baby arrived.

She was real clingy to me, only ever wanted me, he was second best to her (not by choice as such, i just had the goods!) so I think he felt left out, she screamed whenever he did anything so I just did msot of if as I hated to hear her cry, so I assume this hasn't helped him as he just feels left out, but, she's a big girl now, loves him and loves it when he walks in from work. He's not like it every night but most he's like a robot, a tired robot. I understand he has a hard job and he is working long hours and it's tough for him but, hes always had the same job and was never like this before.

I love him dearly, I realyl, truly do but at the minute I'm not entirely sure I'm in love with him, due to the fact I almost resent him in a way.

DD co sleeps so I'm sure this probably doesn't help the intamcy in our relationship, but we made the choice together to help me continue BF.

When he does play with her he's great, hes more adventurous than me, does more rough and tumble and is much better with solids with her than me! He can be a great dad, i just wish he was like it all the time!!

Also thank you to everyone asking if im OK 🥰 I will be! ❤️