To cancel a wedding abroad that 40 guests have paid to attend?

[Justwondering82]

We are due to get married abroad in March next year. So far we have only paid the deposit for the venue, remaining balance not due until January. However our 40 guests have paid for their package holidays to attend, some have only paid deposits and some have paid full balances.

The only reason I want to cancel is because I don't think it's going to happen. With covid, the possibility of a second wave and social distancing etc I just do not realistically see how it will go ahead. We were having the wedding next year and buying a house the year after, but we've got enough sat in our savings for either a house deposit or the wedding. A house has come up that we love, it's in the perfect location and is just everything we want. We can't get the house and not cancel/postpone the wedding as we wouldn't have enough left in savings to cover both if the wedding was to go ahead. We would ideally want to postpone the wedding, but god knows the long term impact this will have on travel especially for a large group of us. We don't want to be impacted by social distancing either. I'd rather cancel and just see how the next few years pan out?

What do I do?

[Celestine70]

You don't know they can ALL cancel the to covid. You are being very selfish.

[Floofboopsnootandbork]

If you do decide to cancel you have to be prepared that these people might not be able to, or want to if you’ve left them in a shitty situation, attend when you rearrange

[Smileandtheworldsmileswithyou]

I think there is a very high chance your wedding will be able to go ahead no problem by March next year. Why are you so convinced it won’t be? Honestly, I would keep your dream wedding and the start to save for your house. Your friends and Family have booked this holiday to support you and your husband to be, it would be quite selfish to cancel and leave them all to try and get a refund. They most likely wouldn’t be able to get a refund at all. People are starting to travel now, 9 months before you plan to. How would you feel if they couldn’t get refunds? They would probably all end up going anyway and you would feel like you were missing out. It would be a mistake to cancel.

[NewNameNewShoes]

Is be surprised if you can't go in March. A few of my mates are having a lads holiday next month.

[Bl3ss3dm0m]

DOP, I hope that you are not reading this, or any of the others replys since your last post, as you have already said many times that you are not going to cancel the wedding now. I really hope (and expect) that your Wedding will be able to go ahead in March, and I wish you and your Fiancé a wonderful day, and two weeks, and after that, an amazing life together.

[AdoreTheBeach]

If your post had been about your wedding abroad and concerns about it going ahead due to the pandemic, with a number if you’re guests being potentially at risk, I could understand thoughts of cancelling the wedding abroad to hold one close to home or smaller etc due to pandemic. Guests would understand that and may actually want to cancel themselves. Some may want to go on holiday there anyway.

However, you post about a house coming up for sale that meets all your requirements and you’d be young the money for the wedding instead to fund the house purchase.

This makes it not about the wedding/pandemic.

It’s this part that makes it a shitty thing to do.

(By the way, we have been a family that spent thousands on airfare and Airbnb rental to attend a wedding abroad which got cancelled a few weeks before because they broke up. We went anyway as we would be so far out of pocket but had a great time away. Our travel insurance does not cover a cancelled wedding. They had no wedding insurance. Turned out for the best because that was this past February in Florida. Didn’t get to go in our summer holiday due to pandemic and thankfully had full refund for summer holiday).

[Igotthemheavyboobs]

I think it sounds bloody amazing OP! Good luck and I really hope everything can go ahead as planned

[Cantstopeatingchocolate]

Hands up I haven’t read pages 4-14 but I DID check the OPs posts and it sounded like the replies on pages 1-3 just carried on,
Can I suggest an idea?
You have the money for the wedding but not enough for the house deposit, are you in a position to use the wedding money to make up the house deposit and borrow the wedding money from the bank??
How much do you still owe for wedding? £5k over 2-3 years would be in the region of £250 ish a month. Could your Parents pay for their own flights etc?
I wouldn’t normally suggest taking loans but you know your own finances and you were going to spend a year or so after the wedding saving for the house anyway.
I got married in the Caribbean, we took 6 family members. We did it cos a big wedding in the UK wasn’t my thing and I didn’t want to save for years for something I wouldn’t enjoy......and we didn’t need to spend very much on ours and it was still fabulous.
I have my fingers crossed for you whatever happens x

[TimeWastingButFun]

It's not clear from your post whether Covid or the exciting thought of the house are the real drivers for wanting to cancel. I think if you DID cancel and tried to say it was because of COVID people wouldn't believe it, especially if things have got more normal by then. It's not really on to cancel and I think you will struggle to get them back to another wedding! On the other hand, people might be worried about attending. You could do a poll and ask how people are feeling about it. Most definitely you can't expect them to lose 100s of £ so you may have to foot a few bills if it's off...

[JRUIN]

Can't believe you even contemplated this OP. Glad you saw sense because you wouldn't have had many friends left if you didn't!

[Localocal]

I'm on holiday in Sicily right now. There is no reason at this point to think your wedding won't go ahead. It sounds like you are grasping at a straw because you want the wedding money for something else.

I'm sorry you made a financial decision you now regret, but it would be unforgivable to leave your family and friends out of pocket, as they surely would be, because you went house shopping before time.

Stop looking at houses until you are ready to buy one - there will be other houses on the market when you are ready. And go back to looking forward to your lovely destination wedding with your family and friends.

[marton4710]

Are you having a mortgage on the house? Could you not stretch yourselves a little further by borrowing a little more? You would then be able to cope with the wedding situation at the time. Not ideal but if it is doable I think you would find a load of stress would disappear. Do seek financial advice first.

[starlight13]

Very unfair to cancel op unless you are going to offer to pay for your guests lost monies.
You sound very choppy and changy as you knew you were going to get married before buying a house and now you are swapping that around.
I have never understood why people want to get married in another country (unless future spouse is from there of course). It's always a shitty mix of friends and family who can't afford to come, loads more stress and lat's face it, it's really the couple basically saying that we don't actually want you at our wedding so we are going abroad to get married to make it as difficult as possible for you to attend.
Covid, social distancing etc should not be an issue for you if you are talking of next March.

[namechanger0989]

Its unfair to cancel but could you not just massively scale it back? So still go on the holiday with all your friends and family and still get married but just make it a simpler ceremony on the beach or whatever and then buy your house?
The house is obviously a much better idea as its your future but if thats the way you feel then you should really have thought that way before booking the wedding, not after.
If the wedding is in Europe then i doubt the holidays it will be cancelled in March. Possibly if in the USA.

[Bettyboo1957]

Its was your day until you got your friends to invest their money in your dream wedding- grow up....spending all your money on a wedding that could have gone on the deposit on a house.... doh! You've just gotta bite the bullet

[doyounothavegoogle]

Breaking news - the OP IS NOT CANCELLING THE WEDDING and said this many, many pages ago.

Read the fucking thread - or at least have the sense to just look at the Ops updates - gosh, if only there was a handy function to allow you to do this

P.S. THE OP IS NOT CANCELLING THE CHEQUE WEDDING

[NowWhatUsernameShallIHave]

Honest statement- I don’t understand your logic

You say it’s your dream wedding but the perfect house - you only have limited funds and you chose to have a costly wedding instead of a home

Ona side note I’m still baffled why people put their whole life savings into one day!

What if there was no Covid- would you still be cancelling to purchase the house?

If the majority have paid then no you can’t cancel

If there are a handful of people if you were brave enough ask them if they have insurance and also if they are still considering going based on current situation- be prepared to be flamed though

[doyounothavegoogle]

If the majority have paid then no you can’t cancel

Good job she isn't going to then isn't it?

[PuppyMonkey]

Honest statement - I think people should definitely try RTFT

[Mittens030869]

I know, I can't believe how many posters are deliberately refusing to accept that the OP has said they're not going to cancel the wedding. Do you have any idea how thick you're making yourselves seem now?? all for the sake of being able to stick the boot in. Pathetic really.

[Reedwarbler]

I just can't believe this thread is still going.

[Bettyboo1957]

You're losing it mittens ... you'll get no pie .... chill ..... where does it say she is going ahead with the wedding? Yes I am thick but not aggressively rude

[Bettyboo1957]

Found it! Thanks

[WildfirePonie]

Cancel the thread.

[Mittens030869]

The OP said early on that she was going ahead with the wedding. She was just having a wobble and she was reassured. Just read the thread, it's very clear.

I was only giving you all a taste of your own medicine. If you can attack the OP as supposedly selfish, you should be able to take it surely??