To cancel a wedding abroad that 40 guests have paid to attend?

[Justwondering82]

We are due to get married abroad in March next year. So far we have only paid the deposit for the venue, remaining balance not due until January. However our 40 guests have paid for their package holidays to attend, some have only paid deposits and some have paid full balances.

The only reason I want to cancel is because I don't think it's going to happen. With covid, the possibility of a second wave and social distancing etc I just do not realistically see how it will go ahead. We were having the wedding next year and buying a house the year after, but we've got enough sat in our savings for either a house deposit or the wedding. A house has come up that we love, it's in the perfect location and is just everything we want. We can't get the house and not cancel/postpone the wedding as we wouldn't have enough left in savings to cover both if the wedding was to go ahead. We would ideally want to postpone the wedding, but god knows the long term impact this will have on travel especially for a large group of us. We don't want to be impacted by social distancing either. I'd rather cancel and just see how the next few years pan out?

What do I do?

[Ellisandra]

Why on earth are you so sure this holiday can’t happen next March, when there are people literally flying out of this country going on holiday TODAY?

[Onceuponatimethen]

I think you will find guests are left in the lurch. Flights won’t be cancelled so they can’t get refunds. Hotels open ditto

[Blackdog19]

You have to refund people. They can then give the money back if their insurance pays out. You appear to be being disingenuous- the real reason seems to be the house purchase

[ConkerGame]

OP I can’t believe you’re contemplating doing this! You will have cost your friends and family all that money for nothing! You would absolutely have to refund everyone if you cancel.

[PersonaNonGarter]

YABU.

No - you can’t cancel to spend the money on your house when everyone has paid in good faith.

[Justwondering82]

Okay resounding IABU here. That's okay. It's not that I'd rather the house, I'd rather my dream wedding, but I'm just so convinced the wedding won't happen and by that point the house will be gone and we'll have nothing. It wasn't coming from a place of wanting to screw our guests over as if covid affects the holidays they all get refunds, we've already checked that part. Hopefully I'm being too negative and the whole thing can go ahead as planned. Thanks everyone, guess my head just needed a wobble.

[venusandmars]

If I was a guest I'd be furious! You've forced their hand to book time off work, pay some/all of the cost. While you're sitting pretty and able to make choices. Not fair.

I'd certainly not be forking out for your next iteration of your wedding plan.

Is there any way you can compromise? Do you have to have the big wedding reception you originally planned? Can you have a simple ceremony abroad and a very simple, informal party with everyone who is there?

Is there anyone (parents, relatives, friends) who can help you with the cost? Lend you money for the next couple of years? Would they pay for their own food, and you could host a party in a couple of years time? If no-one has any spare cash then it seems worse that you've made everyone fork out for your event, and to even contemplate cancelling it.

[DoloresOnTheDottedLine]

March 2021 is a long way off and I think you’re being premature in assuming the wedding will be cancelled. This reads as though you’re using Coronavirus as an excuse to pull out of your wedding plans because your priorities have now changed (as so many people’s have during these last few months) and you want to spend the money on a home instead. I think it would be a really shitty thing to do to your guests as I’m assuming you aren’t going to be reimbursing those who can’t get a refund. Presumably these are all very close family and friends who have made a lot of effort to help you celebrate your wedding - are you really comfortable with putting them in this position?

[TokyoSushi]

Where is the wedding? If it's in Europe, then I'd say it's highly likely it'll go ahead. If it's in South America or somewhere further afield then you might be affected by COVID.

Still, appalling behavior to cancel now and have your guests lose money.

[Ellisandra]

Are you so sure you can’t afford both wedding and house anyway? Wedding can’t be costing you that much if it’s only 40 people. Scale back everything about the wedding. No extras - weddings don’t need them anyway. And zero unnecessary spends before March. Really zero. That’s 8 months of saving.

[villamariavintrapp]

No, you can't just change your mind and let your guests down like that. Especially when it sounds like you'd want to reschedule again for another time!! So you'd be asking them to book/pay again to go to the same place?! If you want to cancel the wedding expenses, but keep your holiday and just get married while there/have a cheaper celebration I think that'd be fine. And if it was cancelled you'd all be refunded?

[unchienandalusia]

you simply can't cancel, that would be horrifically out of order and incredibly selfish. If it is cancelled on you (the holiday / wedding / flights) you would all be reimbursed by insurance!

you were happy to have the wedding next year and buy a house the following year before. go back to that place in your head before you lose a lot of friends and family!

[HermioneWeasley]

“Dream wedding” . Are you 8?

[CarolFuckinBaskin]

OP you sound so bloody entitled it's unreal! These guests have paid out of their own pocket for YOUR event and now you want to just leave them hanging because you've found something you want more.
This isn't about Covid, it's about the house and you know it.
There's a very good chance the wedding could go ahead actually so you saying it will probably all be cancelled is a nonsense, which again, you already know.
I would be so pissed off if I was one your 'friends' you're thinking of doing this to.

[Witsend101]

This is a shitty thing to do. You are saying you think it will be cancelled anyway but really nobody knows what's going to happen. Really you just want to buy a house and are happy to let your guests take the hit or end up having to take a holiday that they probably wouldn't have chosen if it wasn't for your wedding. Awful.

[MilkTwoSugarsThanks]

You're not being totally unreasonable if you are prepared to refund your guests.

If your savings can take that hit then it's less of a problem,

[Justwondering82]

Again, thanks everyone. I have already taken it onboard and said you're all right so please don't keep piling on. In my mind I wasn't leaving anyone out of pocket as Covid is inevitably going to cancel it and they'll all be refunded. You have all said IABU, I have taken it on board and given my head a wobble. The thread has served its purpose so thanks.

[pasturesgreen]

Up to you, but be prepared to seriously piss off most of your guest, particularly those who have already paid full balance.

Depending on the location, it's entirely possible that a March 2021 wedding will go ahead. I wouldn't bank on people being able to get a refund: travel may be more time-consuming and inconvenient, but I doubt it'll be completely off limits. No one wants a second full lockdown if the economy is to recover.

[Ellisandra]

You’re are being quite OTT.
Not just about the travel risk for next year, but saying it’s more of a problem for a large group. Why, exactly? If travel is banned - it’s banned for 67 million of us. Doesn’t matter if there are 4 or 40 in your party 🤷🏻‍♀️
So it’s clear you’re mentally inventing excuses for yourself!

[TheSoapyFrog]

People I know who had weddings planned for this year have rescheduled them for March/April/May next year. There's no reason to think that the wedding won't go ahead because of COVID. Of course we don't know for sure, but at least if it is, your guests should get a full refund. If you want to cancel it now, you need to find out whether or not your guests would get a full refund. If not, it should be down to you to ensure they aren't out of pocket.

[Idontlikewednesdays]

I would be fuming as a guest if this happened.

[whoknowswhichwayisup]

It will go ahead- don't worry

[Marriedtoapenguin]

If it's canceled it's canceled, no problem. Irritating but it's what it is. If they haven't got insurance then not much you can do.

If you cancel because you want to spend the money elsewhere unless you are willing to reimburse be prepared to lose friends.

[thenightsky]

How much have guests forked out? If it's around £500 each, you're looking at £20k in refunds. Surely that's your house deposit gone and you'll have caused all this pain and disruption for nothing.

[StarShapedWindow]

I can’t believe you would cancel when people have gone to the committed to going abroad so that you can have the wedding you wanted. Those people have been quite loyal towards you, you need to be loyal in return.