To cancel a wedding abroad that 40 guests have paid to attend?

[Justwondering82]

We are due to get married abroad in March next year. So far we have only paid the deposit for the venue, remaining balance not due until January. However our 40 guests have paid for their package holidays to attend, some have only paid deposits and some have paid full balances.

The only reason I want to cancel is because I don't think it's going to happen. With covid, the possibility of a second wave and social distancing etc I just do not realistically see how it will go ahead. We were having the wedding next year and buying a house the year after, but we've got enough sat in our savings for either a house deposit or the wedding. A house has come up that we love, it's in the perfect location and is just everything we want. We can't get the house and not cancel/postpone the wedding as we wouldn't have enough left in savings to cover both if the wedding was to go ahead. We would ideally want to postpone the wedding, but god knows the long term impact this will have on travel especially for a large group of us. We don't want to be impacted by social distancing either. I'd rather cancel and just see how the next few years pan out?

What do I do?

Wow! Some people on here are awful!
I would genuinely feel the same as you. Unfortunately no one knows if things will ever go back to normal and it’s so awful if you have weddings or trips planned. We are due to have our first baby in August and it’s not be the same experience and it’s so hard to not be negative when Covid has just had such a major impact on such events.
I totally understand about wanting to buy a house I feel in life we do so much to please other people. If it was me I would speak to the people going especially if mostly are family and see what they say about your predicament. Ultimately I always live by do what makes you happy. I am one of those people that had I booked to come to your wedding and you decided to cancel due to convos and uncertain times I would just go on the holiday anyways or try to see about changing it to another destination etc people get into such a hissy fit id defiantly hate to be friends or even related to some of these people on mums net... super fucking judgey 😳

Sorry OP, I don’t use mumsnet much and have just found out how to see your updates. I’m glad you’ll have your dream wedding and I’m sure the dream house will follow soon after x

YABU totally

Why do you feel the need to cancel so far in advance ? It’s 8 months away and anything could happen

Those who have paid could of course still enjoy a holiday just don’t expect anyone to offer a positive RSVP if you do cancel and decide to re-book as if I were in their shoes I wouldn’t ever want to go to anything you invited me to.

Sorry if that sounds harsh but I could understand if it were in the next couple of months but not when it’s so far away

YABU. March is ages away- chances are weddings will be happening by then. Sounds like you’ve decided to use the money on a house

Get good wedding insurance and assume it will go ahead. It's still a long time away.

YABU 100% you asked those people to pay that money and come to your wedding. I don’t think I would ever speak to you again if I was one of those people. Please don’t pretend this has anything to do with COVID either, next year is a long time away.

Ignore those saying don’t cancel. You can do whatever you want. A property is more important than a flash wedding and interest rates are low. Those people who have booked packages will still benefit from going on holiday so they are not losing out, plus lots of family and friends to have fun with. Do what is best for you, if for example you had been made redundant you wouldn’t ha e been held to ransom as you could no longer afford the wedding. You can change your mind it’s ok.

Please just give it more time and see what happens, I was due to get married in Mexico the same time as the volcanic ash hit in 2010. Family were already in Mexico and we couldn't fly. I felt awful about it but not much I could do. March is a long way away at this point, the situation changes week to week. I think you are being too hasty

Unlike most I'm able to understand your predicament.

Either borrow more to buy the house or find another dream home, there will always be other options.

Covid is not your guests problem, it's yours and if you do this they will see straight through you and will never forgive you.

Either get them all together and explain your situation (risking ostracism) or don't do it at all.

In theory you should be fine by March as it's nearly 9 months away.

I wouldn't speak to you again either. It will most likely be fine by then. If you DID have to cancel at short notice at least you'd all be in it together. Anything else is just taking the piss after expecting people to pay out loads for YOUR wedding.

I would have thought if you cancelled you wouldn't get a refund, any of you. If it was cancelled/ postponed due to Covid, the holiday company would likely transfer all the money and bookings to a later date, meaning you wouldn't miss out. At least if you try to go ahead and it's postponed by Covid, your family and friends won't blame you. If you cancel yourself, you risk losing the money and their friendship or a good relationship with them. I'd find the money another way. Family members might be able to load you the money for a year if you explained.

Don't expect anyone to come to your second/"real" wedding then!!

I'd love a Caribbean wedding to look forward to right now. Hope it goes ahead, OP.

If you have any moral compass whatsoever you cannot do this!

My god, if we all lived by next year's, "what ifs n maybes", we'd never do anything now ... Just incase!

Yes, if a second strike happened later in the year and travel was restricted, then yes people should be able to get their money refunded.

Let's be honest here. You thought, FUCK YOU LOT, we changed our minds cos we saw something NOW, so we want to fuck you all up the arse, and cancel everything.

I'm betting there are some, that have really worked hard to save.up and pay.for this?

Just because you can't wait, and would rather skip the wedding for now, so you can kiss goodbye to you deposit (obvs can afford to) and unplanned buy a house now, cos you saw 1 you liked.

On your basis, why buy a house, risk a mortgage, cos a second strike might get one of you this time, and they'll only be 1 left, as the other died from covid!

I see you chickened out of the YABU vote, as you know what the answer will be.

You are just using the current situation as an excuse to buy the house... No-one knows what the future brings esp. in March...

As you have changed your mind you should pay back all monies that have paid out by the guests if they lose any of it... Why should they lose out?

Also, after paying back the owed money will you still have enough for the house deposit?

I would think very wisely as this comes across as very selfish!

Buy the house, then take a loan out for the wedding? Then if it's cancelled people will get their refunds for flights etc automatically and/or you can shift everything forward to 2022.
But realistically I think everything will be more or less back to normal by then. There won't be any more lockdowns as it's economically unviable.

Houses are like buses - miss one there will be another one along shortly. Just carry on with your wedding.

The uncertainty is really hard OP.

But I would suggest that there may be even better houses available in the next year or two anyway. If your job is safe you may look back and be grateful you didn’t get this ‘dream house’.

We missed out on a ‘dream house’ only to discover sometime later that it was a nightmare for the ones who did buy it and we’d swerved a bullet.

Just go with the flow at the moment. Things will work out in the end.

Well done OP for taking onboard the advice.

I think it's amazing / impressive that you have 40 odd people going to your wedding abroad

I know it's a wrench when your dream house comes up but there will be others.

Can you go for the house and perhaps finance the wedding after that? Not an ideal situation but I understand the importance of both.

I'd cancel and give your friends and family the reasons why. I think you should offer to help with the money that people have lost. Have any of your friends/family reason to be glad that you are cancelling as some may not want to travel but are scared of upsetting you. Don't leave it until the last minute to cancel. :)

I would definitely look into ways of getting the house now and cutting back any unnecessary expenses relating to the wedding so that you can have both!

Has anyone changed their username to YouCannotCancelTheWedding yet?

I agree with Ellisandra... you're using covid as an excuse to cancel as you've changed your mind & would rather get a new house. And if you do that your guests probably won't get their money back from the insurance a. because by then travel will no doubt be back to normal and b. because the insurance won't cover you "changing your mind"!
You have to decide if a house is worth more than friendships because they'd suffer & you'd have no guests. I'd be fuming if you did that to me.
What does your partner say about this or haven't you mentioned it?