To cancel a wedding abroad that 40 guests have paid to attend?

[Justwondering82]

We are due to get married abroad in March next year. So far we have only paid the deposit for the venue, remaining balance not due until January. However our 40 guests have paid for their package holidays to attend, some have only paid deposits and some have paid full balances.

The only reason I want to cancel is because I don't think it's going to happen. With covid, the possibility of a second wave and social distancing etc I just do not realistically see how it will go ahead. We were having the wedding next year and buying a house the year after, but we've got enough sat in our savings for either a house deposit or the wedding. A house has come up that we love, it's in the perfect location and is just everything we want. We can't get the house and not cancel/postpone the wedding as we wouldn't have enough left in savings to cover both if the wedding was to go ahead. We would ideally want to postpone the wedding, but god knows the long term impact this will have on travel especially for a large group of us. We don't want to be impacted by social distancing either. I'd rather cancel and just see how the next few years pan out?

What do I do?

Can you imagine what the Christmas threads will be like in this year of Corona.

omg. Weddings will pale into insigificance.

I assume that none of you are among the guests, so there's no risk of you personally losing any money?

Oh well, that's OK then, if it doesn't affect me personally!
There's such a thing called empathy?
Came across as a bit I'm Alright Jack?
It'd be a crappy thing to do.
There's no valid reason to cancel yet, if it's 'cos of Covid next year is ages away and could be fine again by then.

Buy the house. It's your life and you have to do what's right for you.

Buy the house. It's your life and you have to do what's right for you.

Wow.

Just... wow. Screwing 40 of your closest friends and family over to the tune of thousands and thousands of pounds doesn't even cause you to pause for breath, so long as you're doing what's right for you?

@bridgetreilly - wow, just wow. What an over-the-top reply.
I don't really understand why anyone would fork out "thousands and thousands" of pounds to attend somebody else's wedding. If that's what they have done, then they must have more money than sense.

What would be the response if OP and DP decided they no longer wanted to get married? Split up? Would you say the same??

I very much doubt it.

Exactly, GreenTulips. Clearly the wedding MUST GO AHEAD no matter what. Some people have already bought a new hat...

Am only on page 2 but to me you’re trying to convince yourself you think it’ll be cancelled in the hope that becomes reality.

People are going on their summer holidays this year so how would your March 2021 wedding not be able to go ahead?

You just don’t want it to. Sorry!

Getting a lot of stick on here OP. It's such a horrid situation to be in with a first in a lifetime pandemic to contend with!
Good luck

And it’s all very well saying X flights are going. Not all places are open boarders. Some still have quarantine restrictions on both sides, so are still shut for entertainment and bars etc. Some beaches are shut.

Small islands are fairing better. due to location/boarders/small hospitals and fewer facilities.

I also think the pandemic has made people think hard about their lives and what’s important. OP hasn’t said what her current situation is with housing. I think it’s fine to think about long term future and where best to spend your own money.

Yes people will be disappointed but it’s worth a chat and a rethink. Otherwise I think you’ll have a miserable two weeks thinking about the house and regretting going away.

This can't be a real post?

No one is truly this terrible?

OP asked, they got answers, and they listened. But still we get posters who want to shame OP for even asking.

You’re wedding will be wonderful! We are all wobbly and second guessing everything, you have huge things coming up, I get you’re nervous xxxx

I would go against the grain here and say that I'd let people know now that it wasn't going ahead and jus buy the house. It's not your fault that CV has come along and ruined everything. The friends and family that can't make the best of it and go on a package holiday are quite capable of buying insurance/ getting refunds for their travel. Why should you not buy a house with your hard earned savings to refund grown adults?

Why is this thread still going? OP took her YABU on the chin pages back.

Lot of bullies on this thread.

@LemonadeAndDaisyChains

No, it isn't an 'I'm all right, Jack' attitude. The OP listened to what posters were saying and knew that what she was contemplating was very unfair on her friends. What more can she say?? Do you want her to say, 'You're right, everyone, I'm a despicable human being'?

From the level of frothing at the mouth on this thread, you would think that the OP had already cancelled. She hasn't.

No, it's not about being empathetic towards the guests, it's about being a bully and a keyboard warrior.

I'm with @Mittens030869 people need to read your posts @Justwondering82 especially as there is the option to filter by OP for this exact reason.

My heart goes out to you, and I understand completely your situation. If you think there will be a second wave, what's the point in waiting on the house and missing that, as well as possibly your wedding. However I do think by March we should be able to fly most places (hopefully as the aviation industry needs it) and I hope everything will be back to almost normal. But it's not a guarantee.
I do think it would be wrong to cancel if you can't guarantee the money back, however only you know the people who have booked. Can you make a group whatsapp and open this conversation casually about what people are thinking? If everyone is close enough to you.

I do think that you won't be able to cancel. But maybe you can scale it down to a cheaper package wedding in the Caribbean and scrape together for the house now and that in March (I wonder if you can get some financial help this way)

I don't think the house will happen but if you wanted to make sure you exhausted every option, that would be the things to look at.

I do hope you get what you want. It's awful for everyone with weddings coming up!

The friends and family that can't make the best of it and go on a package holiday are quite capable of buying insurance/ getting refunds for their travel.

Travel insurance will only pay out if you have a valid reason for not being able to go on the trip. E.g. travel ban, flights are cancelled, medical emergency. Deciding not to go on the trip anymore because the bride and groom have pulled out is not a valid reason and the guests won’t get a single penny back.

I have RTFT and see the OP has changed her mind. Just wanted to point out travel insurance don’t pay out over anything and everything. I had my trip cancelled in May and it was incredibly stressful trying to get refunds, even though I was completely entitled to them. Guests trying to cancel when their trips are going ahead will struggle even more.

Destination weddings are embarrassing.

If you want your guests to travel to some far flung destination such as the Caribbean, then pay for them to travel there yourself.

Don't emotionally blackmail them in to changing their holidays to suit your "dream".

If you can't afford to pay for them to travel, have your wedding somewhere you can afford.

Cancelling for March next year purely on your own worry and unfounded prediction there will be a second wave of Covid?!? You can't be for real. Your guests will not get their money back at all if your Covid scenario doesn't play out like you've predicted. If I was your guest and you did this I would not be attending your rescheduled wedding.

Use the money you have saved as a deposit and bung the wedding on a credit card if it goes ahead. If it doesn’t, you’re fine and everyone gets a refund. If it does then pay and transfer to 0% interest and be happy you have both new house and the wedding of your dreams. Simple. No one gets upset or out of pocket.

I did read your post properly op. You actually want to.but your dream house and sack the wedding off incase it's cancelled due to Covid. Even worse behaviour. Just unbelievable!! Your guests will not get their money back unless everything is cancelled due to Covid and you won't know that untill weeks before the date. Highly unlikely anyway. Unless they have premium insurance at the time of booking they won't be able to claim on that either.

I think you should cancel. Then your guests will see what you're really like and how your thought processes work. I also think buying a great house is more important than a 'dream wedding'.

As an aside, I could not contemplate spending so much money on a 'dream wedding' over buying a house.

Stop looking at houses if you can't afford them because then you start thinking of ways to be able to afford them like cancelling your wedding that all your friends and family have paid for. Just stop looking, delete the apps

I'm not reading 10 pages but can you look at ways to scale the wedding right back and do it on a budget if the house seems a possibility?