To cancel a wedding abroad that 40 guests have paid to attend?

[Justwondering82]

We are due to get married abroad in March next year. So far we have only paid the deposit for the venue, remaining balance not due until January. However our 40 guests have paid for their package holidays to attend, some have only paid deposits and some have paid full balances.

The only reason I want to cancel is because I don't think it's going to happen. With covid, the possibility of a second wave and social distancing etc I just do not realistically see how it will go ahead. We were having the wedding next year and buying a house the year after, but we've got enough sat in our savings for either a house deposit or the wedding. A house has come up that we love, it's in the perfect location and is just everything we want. We can't get the house and not cancel/postpone the wedding as we wouldn't have enough left in savings to cover both if the wedding was to go ahead. We would ideally want to postpone the wedding, but god knows the long term impact this will have on travel especially for a large group of us. We don't want to be impacted by social distancing either. I'd rather cancel and just see how the next few years pan out?

What do I do?

Sorry, just saw that you said it’s in the Caribbean - and I had read all the posts first!

Best thing to do is put this question to your guests. Start with your nearest and dearest and see what their reaction is and go from there. It's quite a dilmma! Maybe you could all still go on holiday together next year if you can't get a refund and it's not cancelled because of covid, but then have your actual wedding at another time in this county in a way that doesn't cost the guests anything?

Sorry now, but ANYONE who decides on a destination wedding should just do it on their own and have a party on return.

Far too much pressure for guests to attend, pay for it, get childcare, take leave from work and so on.

For immediate family it would be OK I think, but outside of that NO.

OP, I have RTFT. Part of me thinks that it's lovely that you want the big fortnight wedding, etc, etc. But another part of me thinks you really, really can be married when you sign for a house, without having all the hoo-ha beforehand. A marriage is a piece of paper and costs peanuts. But it is worth hundreds of thousands of pounds.

If your wedding doesn't go ahead - and I know you want it to, and have borne in mind all the PP who have said that your guests would be really pissed off if it didn't - then you will really have had a lucky escape. It will enable you to spend the money on something concrete (bricks and mortar). You can always have a lovely party, if that's your thing.

What really matters is that you marry a good 'un. If he turns out not to be a good 'un (and who knows?), then what really matters is that you are financially secure.

This is coming from someone who has been on MN for 18 years, and who contributed to endless 'special moments' threads as a SAHM, little realising she would be left high and dry - but glad that she was once married, for the legal benefits that a long marriage brings with it.

Id be very pissed off if i had booked time off work and spent a lot of money to go to your wedding for you to cancel. Its not as if its a 5min jaunt along the road...

My first thought when I read your posts, Justwondering82, was that you must be a very nice person for 40 guests to want to give up a lot of time and money to attend your wedding. Before coronavirus, I don't think any of us ever imagined that our lives and plans could be disrupted so much so it is not surprising that you have had these doubts. Good luck with your wedding AND your house purchase.

YABU. If you did this to me I certainly would not accept any invitation to a postponed wedding.

You can't do that to your guests. I had my wedding abroad. If my family had paid for the holiday there's no way I would cancel. If there is a coronavirus outbreak then it will all be cancelled and so will the holidays and everyone gets their money back. March is a long way off just now.

My NDN son was to get married next week. Cancelled obv but put forward to same time next year. We got an invite for the initial event, but will decline the re arranged one anyway.

Up country, no rooms at the venue, such a pain for a meal, a canape, and a trek to to the nearest hotel. NOPE. Anyway they won't miss us I am sure of that, even though the couple are really lovely.

Well done OP, good on you for listening and realising. We all need to be told sometimes. Ignore the bored and malicious.

I have RTF and understand you don't wish to cancel OP. Great. A possible solution for you if you're worried about travel to the Caribbean, many travel agents are allowing exchanges at the minute. You said you dealt with all your guests bookings, you could potentially half the cost of your wedding by moving it (same dates), to say a canary island or somewhere you and your DP adore. You may then save enough for a house deposit at the same time.. just a thought.

Honestly op I'd be relieved. I bet loads who paid are stressed out about having to go. This way you take the decision out of their hands.

I think you need to offer to repay those who have paid and can't get their money back

This!
You can't just cancel like that leaving everyone possibly hundreds/thousand out of pocket!
Massively unreasonable.
I get your point, but everything might be fine next year and they'd all lose their money,

Holidays are already going ahead in plenty of places now. Weddings are allowed in the UK with up to 30 guests.

I think you'll be fine with your original plans, OP.

Only do this if you’re willing to refund your guests. Terrible behaviour otherwise

Oooo Caribbean, can I come?

It always amazes me, the number of posters who don't at least read all the OP's posts. I have made that mistake a few times in the past, but I've always apologised when I've done that. It just appears to me that there are some posters who just like any excuse to lay into an OP.

I assume that none of you are among the guests, so there's no risk of you personally losing any money?

We all have wobbles where we think that something won't happen. The OP's mistake was sharing those doubts in an AIBU post.

We fully expect to be able to go away this October let alone next March

@orangesandapplesandpearsohmy

If the thread is still live then people are allowed to comment on it!

But it's not just commenting!

It's piling on, repeating and having a go when the OP has acknowledged that it's a bad thing and she won't do it.

Therefore they are more interested in the sound of their own voice than what the OP has to say.

I think you need to send an email to everyone involved about the situation. Tell them your concerns about the virus but also about the house. Ask their opinions. Personally I would not be happy if I had booked time off and paid for it but this is why I have told dp I would never get married abroad.

@Justwondering82 incredibly stupid question but could you not do both. Use the savings for a deposit and then take a loan out for the wedding?

Sure it will be able to go ahead by then. Tbh sounds like you just want the money for the house. Think you should reimburse those who are already out of pocket if you do cancel and then they can pay you back if they do end up being reimbursed. Otherwise I think yabu.

Course she's gonna cancel. As if she's gonna put that on here though.
The thought of doing that to all your family and friends wouldn't enter most peoples heads.

If your guests are paying their own flights, and you've only 40 going, surely if you save like mad in the next 6-9 months you'll have enough for both? (I have No idea how much weddings abroad cost, but given the guests are paying for own flights & accommodation, surely it's not more than £5-10K?)

Have you thought about wedding insurance ? If it does get cancelled then maybe you could claim .