To think a 2 year old should walk?

[blanche85]

I have a 2 year old who will not walk anywhere! I have a pram,obviously,but he absolutely will not go in it - I've tried everything...toys,snacks,distraction...nothing.

If I manage to get him in there (with a huge struggle) he will just go crazy and scream and go red...you get the picture.

Thing is,I don't drive and I live a good 30 minute walk away from shops/park/anything...

The main problem is when I have to get heavier shopping...all of that plus him is just killing me.

He is generally very clingy and wants to be carried everywhere.

So...any tips to get him to stay in his pram? Enjoy it even?

Thank you

Ultimately, you're the adult. You can't carry him, and he won't walk, so he goes in the buggy. He'll scream, but he'll be safe, and you'll get where you need to go.

It's just a phase, and when he realises you're serious, he'll be easier.

Oh nightmare.

Maybe bribery?? I know it's not ideal, but I would definitely tell him that if he sits in the pram that he can have chocolate or a toy or something.

Would he stand on one of those buggy boards that you can clip on to the back of a pram maybe.

Do you have a parent facing pram? That might help. Or get a good sling. My dc1 wanted to be held until she was 4 and I physically couldn't because I was pregnant. My dc2 though, I can already tell at under a year he'll be completely different and want to walk everywhere, so it's just different children.

You could get a buggy board and use the pram for the bags, careful it doesn't tip though

Or - and I know this is a bit to one extreme of the gentle parenting continuum- you just go with it. Use a decent toddler carrier on your back and get a wheeled shopping trolley. Carry the needy child till he grows out of it and push the uncomplaining shopping! I really just say this to make the point that it’s not the end of world if he wants carried everywhere and he will grow out of it and you don’t need to feel bad about just giving him what he wants. Only if your back can take it of course!

I agree with lilgreen re balance bikes. The speed that some children get, I wouldn’t feel comfortable by a busy road until they were bigger. I wouldn’t take the chance with a 1 year old. I still won’t take my 4 year old out on a bike if I also have my younger one in the buggy as she is 90% very sensible but sometimes not and I feel I need hands and to be able to give her proper attention. It depends where you live but we have to go on roads. The OP has a 30 min walk and will have shopping.

@Cupoftchaiagain I don’t think it’s unreasonable to not want to heft a heavy toddler everywhere when you can just parent them and not have to

No advice as you've already had plenty, but just to say that this phase passes. And much quicker than you think.

My DD is 4 now and it all seems like a distant memory!

Still got to go through it all with DD2 but I'll worry about that at the time...

Ask him if he wants to walk or go in the pram don’t give him the option of being carried, if he makes a fuss in the street or wherever sit him on the floor and say ‘tell me when your ready to walk again’ then just stand next to him until he walks, no shouting no fussing no talking.

My toddler had no choice. She was 16 months when her sister was born, and the baby had to go in the pram. So DD walked alongside on toddler reins from 16 months onwards and soon developed sturdy legs. I took her up 1000 foot hills (we live in Scotland) for walks by the time she was 2.
The thing is, OP, you are the parent. You decide what happens, not your toddler. You have to be firm, fair and consistent, so they learn “resistance is futile” - to quote the Borg on Star Trek! Sure, you’ll have a few tantrums til he gets the message. He might have some too...
But you cannot let a 2 year old call the shots, or you are setting yourself up for a hellish future with a small spoiled tyrant. Take control. Good luck.

Start enforcing no carrying at home more strongly.

Then when out (preferably when you haven’t got perishables under the pram!) just stop. No DS, buggy or walk. No carry, you’re a big boy now. Just don’t give in.

Get some reins and a buggy board - absolute lifesavers.

I feel you though - I had similar - twin 2 year olds plus newborn and no car! Tricky but they got the hang of it eventually

I do laugh at these threads where everyone comes on and confidently asserts that you just need to stand your ground and they’ll comply like a little lamb after a fortnight...🤣

You could have the same battle with my DS2 a hundred times and it never made the blindest bit of difference to whether or not he had a tantrum over it the next time. I literally had the same battles with him day after day, week after week, month after month. I NEVER gave in - in fact he ended up getting far less out of me than his older brother had, because it was so important I always held the line. He never stopped tantrumming because it didn’t get him anywhere - he just eventually grew out of tantrums by the time he was three or four. But even now as a teen he has an iron will - you can’t ever get him to do something unless he decides to do it. Don’t get me wrong, he’d never dream of shouting at me/being aggressive with me, but if he doesn’t want to do something, he doesn’t, he’s an immovable object.

But there are positives to that type of character - while I was in the midst of the toddler phase with him, my mum used to say “he’ll make a good adult” and the signs are he will! A fellow parent came up to me at Parents evening to thank me for him standing up to the bullies on the bus for her daughter. I had to ask him about it, because he’d not mentioned it at the time - he shrugged his shoulders, it’s what you do. Except, it’s what no one else did do. His singlemindedness will make him a decent adult. It can just be very hard to fucking parent kids like this!

Sorry, I didn’t provide you with a solution...strap him in and put up with the screams is all I’ve got. Or buy a decent toddler sling and stick him on your back.

Bribe him with food.

I would really steer clear of food bribery if you possibly can. It just sets up weird associations with food. My first child was like this and we just had to be very firm. "You can ride in the buggy or walk along with me, your choice" and if they screech or sit on the floor or refuse to walk they have chosen to ride in the buggy and they get put in it, straps done up and off you go.

I had a similar experience with DS1. He didn’t want to go in his buggy and he didn’t want to walk. He wanted to be carried everywhere. This was difficult, especially when I was pregnant with DS2. But I pandered to him for an easy life. This obviously had to stop when DS2 arrived. I told him there was no way I could carry him anymore as I had the baby to push/carry.

In the end I used a method of bigging him up and bribery. Before we went out I gave him the option of going in the baby pram (a double buggy) with the baby and essentially made a big deal about the buggy being for babies, or he could walk like a big boy, in his big boy shoes, big boy coat and big boy backpack (I took him shopping and let him pick all of these things out himself to motivate him). It worked to get him out of the house but about half way around the park he would revert back to wanting to be carried. So I would end up bribing him with “if you can walk around by yourself and act like a big boy you will get a treat after lunch”. It took a lot of perseverance but it worked and now if you try to put him in the buggy for any reason he will streadfast refuse to go in coz “I’m not a baby, I’m a big boy!” 😆

First of all - thank you all for taking the time to reply.

I get that I'm the parent and need to call the shots etc,but I've tried and persevered for so long with no carrying and literally forcing him into the pram and trying to not respond to the screaming,or talk about what we're doing and where we're going and what we can see,but literally nothing works.

Anyway,so this morning we had to go to the post office and then I thought we'd go to the playground...I took on board what the majority of you said and was firm and told him that he had to stay in the pram etc...

Anyway,it was a huge huge struggle to get him in...But I managed in the end and obviously the whole way there he was just am absolute nightmare. But I persevered.

Anyway we got to the traffic lights and someone very kindly told me that I should pick my child up...they were very upset. Thanks for that

He got out at the playground and had fun...getting him back in....same. All the way home (45 minutes) screaming until we got home and he was so exhausted from it all he fell asleep.

Not particularly enjoyable for any of us. I've tried this way before by the way - nothing gets better.

What did you think about the suggestion that it might be painful for him to walk - worth exploring? Or does he run around quite happily when he wants to (e.g. at the park).

One of my friend's children has hypermobility and gets very easily tired by walking.

I think you probably need to be consistent with it though OP to see a change in behaviour. It might take a few similar trips for him to get the message. Absolutely not nice for you (I've had a few similar experiences so I do understand that!) but it may be necessary here. Unless you want to invest in a structured back carrier and carry him in that, but that may not be possible or desirable for you.

My DD has just turned 2 and she asks to be carried a lot but we never carry her outside, both me and her dad are clear that it's walk or the pram. If she can't make a decision /won't walk then she gets strapped into her pram kicking and screaming if necessary. She calms down quickly but she does have a dummy as a comforter which she will usually ask for and that then generally stops the screaming. Sometimes a snack or toys will also keep her quiet in the pram too.

Yeah people do love a judge. I'm sorry you had a difficult morning .

The trouble is, the quick fix is definitely to pick him up and carry him but that is a long term nightmare for your back. The 'if you give in you will teach him bad habits' is actually debatable and I don't think it's a simple as that, but please don't damage your body long term for the short term solution of picking him up. I'm speaking from experience as I have completely fucked my neck from giving shoulder rides to my toddler ten years ago.

Persevere. Distract, bribe, whatever you want - but persevere. I did have some luck with a kid's pushchair toy for mine to push as they walked.

Good luck - you can get through it. Anyone who's had toddlers is not judging you for pushing one along crying, it's just another day in paradise isn't it.

Anyway we got to the traffic lights and someone very kindly told me that I should pick my child up...they were very upset fucking busy body! Someone asked my husband why my daughter was screaming in the street on one of their walks- she wanted an ice lolly at 10am in the morning. We aren’t giving in just so not to disturb the busy bodies of this world. Would never occur to me to question a parent dealing with a tantrum!

Ah there are so many opinionated arses in the world, just ignore them or tell them to fuck off if it makes you feel better! 45 minutes is a very long way for a 2 year old to walk, and as you can't carry him anywhere near that far, you really just need to persevere. Obviously for a while it wont be fun, he will scream, he will test boundaries, but he will learn eventually.
My son is almost 2 and wouldn't walk a quarter of that distance BTW.

@BertieBotts

What did you think about the suggestion that it might be painful for him to walk - worth exploring? Or does he run around quite happily when he wants to (e.g. at the park).

One of my friend's children has hypermobility and gets very easily tired by walking.

No I don't think it's anything like that - he really just wants to be held. I've really been sticking to my guns today though - even when he was clinging on to my ankles when I was on the toilet!

He's napping now and we're going to go for an ice-cream...in the buggy...this afternoon. Practice makes perfect right?

Pray for me

Think of it this way, OP. You’ve had a successful morning in that you haven’t damaged your back today, or contributed to potential damage by giving in to him.

Doesn’t matter if he screams for 45 minutes in the buggy. So what? Your plan is to protect yourself and parent him to become more independent. Strangers you encounter on the street aren’t going to do that for you so take no notice of them.

We’ve all been there, some of us had it worse than others! I would not tolerate a child around my ankles while I was going to the loo! Put him somewhere safe and do what you have to do.
Don’t turn into one of those martyr mums who lose all sense of personal agency and ‘brag’ about how clingy their child is...
Setting yourself up for misery there!

Keep pushing on OP. It did take a year of perseverance here (sorry!) but now she walks everywhere like an angel, its actually enjoyable! I never thought I would see the day.

I'm expecting DD2 in August so prepared for this all over again....

Oh my eldest was like this. He had a choice walk nicely or go in the pram. Most of the time he wouldn’t walk nicely so he would go in the pram and scream. There wasn’t really any other choice.
It gets better when they get older.