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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a 2 year old should walk?

170 replies

blanche85 · 05/07/2020 21:20

I have a 2 year old who will not walk anywhere! I have a pram,obviously,but he absolutely will not go in it - I've tried everything...toys,snacks,distraction...nothing.

If I manage to get him in there (with a huge struggle) he will just go crazy and scream and go red...you get the picture.

Thing is,I don't drive and I live a good 30 minute walk away from shops/park/anything...

The main problem is when I have to get heavier shopping...all of that plus him is just killing me.

He is generally very clingy and wants to be carried everywhere.

So...any tips to get him to stay in his pram? Enjoy it even?

Thank you

OP posts:
ChaosRising · 05/07/2020 23:36

@BertieBotts. DS has been walking long distances (a couple of miles or more) since he was 18 months and we've had a combination of backpack reins and other reins. It's only recently he's started to really dislike them and he can be very stubborn (he makes an absolute racket and can keep it up for ages) but I always insist on them on busy roads... It's too easy for them to slip out of your hand and then they're under a car. On quiet roads, we do handholding (mostly me gripping his wrist very tightly, as I don't trust him an inch) and it's straight in the buggy for misbehaviour.

He crawled early (5-6 months) and spent baby sensory classes trying to escape from the room and down the corridor while the other babies were just lying there peacefully listening to the songs 😬! His aim has always been to get as far away from me as possible and explore. Parenting for me to date has been an exercise in containment and I have never finished a cup of tea at a toddler group. I've started letting him experience some of the consequences of his misbehaviour (for instance, if I know a pond is shallow, I'll let him fall in it and get his trousers wet because he doesn't like that).

Like I said, my friend's toddler (who also likes to be carried) has always been like a little shadow to her. Hard not to be envious, when you're fishing yours out from behind the librarian's desk because he won't sit still for toddler rhyme time.

BrummyMum1 · 05/07/2020 23:38

Some toddlers like walking, some don’t. Some toddlers don’t mind being restrained in a push chair, others don’t. Just find what works best for you and your child.

pickingdaisies · 05/07/2020 23:38

Turning point for my DD was walking back home from the corner shop, so not very far, but it was raining, and she wanted to be carried home. I said no, it's not far and I can't carry you, you need to walk. Cue full on tantrum, throwing herself onto the pavement, kicking and bawling. In a puddle. I stood next to her the entire time, until she eventually got grumpily back on her feet, took my hand and started walking. It got much better after that.

Fatted · 05/07/2020 23:41

Let him scream. Been there and done that with my youngest until he was three.

stayathomer · 05/07/2020 23:41

We had this with our 7yo, by two he wouldn't go in the buggy. My ds gave us a push along bike and it was absolute hell to manoeuvre so we literally just did that awful, walk a few steps, he sits down, says he's tired, we coax him up, get a few steps thing. We couldn't get him into a buggy. People told us to just put him in and let him cry but just wasn't for me, after the second or third time of pushing a screaming child (who never screamed outside of the times in the pram) I left it. (sorry op!!)

WeAllHaveWings · 05/07/2020 23:42

Ds loved to be carried but there is no way my back would put up with that. I used distraction, then bribery and if they didn't work he was just put in. He used to turn into a plank, was surprisingly strong and it was really tough to get him in, tickling used to make him bend long enough to click his straps. Thankfully he wasnt a screamer, just determined, so it didn't attract too much attention trying to squeeze him in.

rosiejaune · 05/07/2020 23:42

I used a toddler Connecta on my back at that age. Some children need to be close longer than others - there is no magic age at which they must walk or they'll never be able to.

GrumpyHoonMain · 05/07/2020 23:42

DN hated her pushchair but I would strap her in anyway. She would scream and struggle for 5-10 mins tops. After that I could usually distract her with snacks / toys / playground. When I couldn’t I just let her scream. This was everyday for a week. By the start of the second week she was fine with ut.

Emeraldshamrock · 05/07/2020 23:50

This thread is bringing back fond frustrating memories I'd forgot the days when my DC's turned to an unbending plank in public with the buggy.

SeenYourArse · 05/07/2020 23:51

With respect you are the parent and as such are in charge, I genuinely don’t understand what you mean by he won’t go in it? You aren’t asking surely? You are telling him he’s going in if you Decide he needs to..he gets in himself or you physically put him in there that part is his choice (toddlers love a bit of choice) but whether he goes in or not isn’t his choice it’s yours. I am a mum to 2 boys so I do understand it’s hard work but you need to change your mindset from him being able to decide to you are the decision maker and that’s the end of it, he can scream and tantrum tough it will get him nowhere.

Starksforthewin · 06/07/2020 00:11

Stop being a doormat, OP, and put your physical well-being ahead of your toddler’s tantrums.
If you insist on looking at this problem from a child centred perspective, tell yourself it will be no fun for him at 5,6,7,8 etc if he has a mother with back or neck issues who can’t play with him.
You just have to be firm and mean what you say. You are the parent. He can’t do anything to you (like wanting to be lifted in the kitchen) without your consent.
Say no and mean it. He clearly has loads of opportunities to be physically close to you given that you are co sleeping, but he shouldn’t be clinging onto you like a limpet all the time.
You’re in charge of teaching the boundaries, so start as you mean to go on. I wouldn’t let a child’s tantrums result in harm to my physical well being. Fuck that.

Yeahnahmum · 06/07/2020 00:11

I am with @seenyourarse
Come on op. Put your kid in the stroller and get on with it. He will soon learn he doesn't get his way by screaming

lilgreen · 06/07/2020 07:21

20 month old dc can’t judge speed or distance so balance bikes are great for the park but not near roads or cars or for when the adult has their arms full with bags.

ThroughThoroughThoughTough · 06/07/2020 07:27

You can safely and comfortably carry a child that age. I did, and genuinely enjoyed it - we had nice chats and it’s cuddly. If you want to go down that route, find your local sling library and talk to them.

If you don’t want to carry, then the only quick solution is force him into the buggy and ignore the screaming. Anything else will take a while, but if you have time then scooter or balance bike and gradually building up stamina could work.

Miserablemoan · 06/07/2020 07:28

I had one of these. Looking back I wish I’d been tougher.

Sipperskipper · 06/07/2020 07:56

My DD was similar, in fact I posted on here for advice. For what it’s worth I didn’t co-sleep or breastfeed and she was the same about the pram!

It was a nightmare to be honest, going anywhere was just miserable. Walking the dog was a battle and I just hated it. I’ve always loved walking, and pre DD would walk miles every day.

She also hated any sort of carrier / sling that we tried.

The only thing that helped was some books and a snack in the pram, and then me completely ignoring her. She would scream and cry constantly, but I’d get her out to walk and 3 minutes later she would be saying ‘carry! Carry!’. I never really carried her in the first place, but I think it’s because I kept getting her in and out to try and calm her down.

It did take ages, but now we don’t use the pram at all and she happily walks for miles! She’s just turned 3.

Sailingblue · 06/07/2020 07:59

You need to do something as your back won’t take it. My husband did his back in carrying out 2 year old when we were out and about somewhere. He was in pain for a week. He is strong so it wasn’t the weight necessarily but shows these things can happen really easily if you’re not lifting correctly.

I think there are some extremes on here. There is no way I’d allow my 16m old on a mini scooter near to roads for example but I think you do need to enforce the buggy. If your shopping trip is always likely to be a 30min trip, you’ll need a buggy longer than someone who drives and puts their child in the trolley.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 06/07/2020 08:07

My ds was like this at that age, I used a combination of snacks, toys and authority to get him in and keep him in ! Once they realise you won't relent, the tantrums wont last long.
We switched to the push along trike at 2.5 then after that he just walked, he never used the buggy again.
He would sometimes push his own trike which was a compromise of sorts !
Its such a difficult age , you have my sympathies.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 06/07/2020 08:09

For the supermarket trolley I let him watch things on my phone ! Just bribery !

letmethinkaboutitfornow · 06/07/2020 08:25

As an interim solution I would get this for your shopping 😂😂😂

To think a 2 year old should walk?
Scrumpyjacks · 06/07/2020 08:34

I bribe mine with Welsh cakes Blush

Rangoon · 06/07/2020 08:36

i was tiny in comparison to my burly babies and I couldn't have carried a child who was a fair proportion of my body weight for any length of time without hurting myself. Given the choice of hurting myself or them bending to my will, there was a pretty obvious parenting option. That sort of parenting means that you can enjoy solo showers, private visits to the loo and a decent night's sleep with the children firmly tucked into bed in their own room. It may also not be a coincidence that they were both sprinting at 10 months and one of them was busy persuading us to open the stairgates and take them up to the tricky bit by the landing with no handrail so they could practice on it when they were about 10 months old. Of course that all falls apart in the teenage years when you are awake at 1.30 am in the morning wondering where they are but at least you won't be prematurely aged and stooped.

BurtonHouse · 06/07/2020 08:50

PPs are right, you need to assert yourself with him so that he does as you tell him. I'm a late-60s grandma who looks after a 22month old dgs every week. He will refuse to walk for his parents who cave in and carry him, but I am physically incapable of doing so, and he's learnt that there is no alternative to either walking himself or riding in the buggy.

Mittens030869 · 06/07/2020 09:00

I went through this with my DD2 at age 2-3, she constantly asked to be carried. The hardest thing to cope with was the school run; DD1 is 3 years older so I had to strap her inside the buggy for a lot longer than I ever did with DD1. Tbf, though, she used to fall asleep in the buggy, so that was part of the reason for her behaviour.

2155User · 06/07/2020 09:12

@lilgreen

Your child might not be able to, but some children are perfectly fine on them