to ask if this would bother you?

[avoidsallconfrontation]

my DP and I are friends with another couple lets call them Sally and Tom. We really like them, they seem lovely, but we are much much closer with Tom having both having worked with him separately. Sally is lovely but very very quiet, I try and involve her more but I think she's happy being a listener.

Anyway, this couple have done a few things which are very small and I am nit picking, but they have bothered me. I am not going to do anything about it because its none of my business but I am interested to know if it would bother you.

1. Around ours for dinner and Sally whispers in Tom's ear and Tom doesn't react (this whispering happens numerous times and makes me so uneasy)
2. Booking a delivery slot at the height of the pandemic for their groceries when vulnerable people are struggling to get one. They live so close to a waitress and a Tesco and are not vulnerable.
3. Not environmentally conscious at all. Not Recycling anything even thought they have every opportunity to and chucking excessive amounts of plastic and cardboard in the main trash. Around theirs for a party for Sally's birthday and at the end they just chuck all the left over food in the bin, plates of cake, sausage rolls, fruit, etc. No concern for food waste.
4. No doing anything for my DP's birthday (beginning of March before lockdown) of my birthday (last week) despite me arranging cakes, cards, parties, and surprises for theirs (I know I can't expect but it is disappointing). We are also their only friends as they keep telling us and we all really enjoy hanging out every week without fail until the lockdown. They have been furloughed both of them so would have had lots of time to write me a card and have a cake delivered. (They are also very very wealthy with no children incase this is relevant)

Would these things bother you?

YANBU: Yes they would
YABU: get a grip OP

1. whispering is very rude
2. yeah I would judge this. My mum is vulnerable and I really struggled to get food deliveries for her (I don’t live near)
3. I cannot describe to you how much I hate food waste! This would make me want to cry. The environmental stuff is really lazy, selfish and entitled too.
4. this is just weird. How can anyone think it’s socially acceptable to not reciprocate birthday treats with not even a card?

I don’t think you sound intense OP. I think you sound like my kind of person! I think I would be going lower contact with those 2.

I would find it difficult to be friends with selfish people that don’t recycle but then none if my friends are like that so never come up.

I’m not sure not recycling after a party necessarily means they never recycle.

Whispering is rude.
The online slot wouldn't bother me.
The waste and not recycling would bother me.
The birthday thing I would let go.

@PollyPelargonium52

Do u think they go on mumsnet as they can soon tell it is them if they do....

Ha ha - I considered having a rant of my own here but decided not to for this reason 😇

The whispering I would find rude and I would be a bit upset if made a big effort for someones birthday and they didnt reciprocate at all. The other things wouldn't really bother me.

" I would be a bit upset if made a big effort for someones birthday and they didnt reciprocate at all."

I tell my friends I don't give birthday presents and that they shouldn't give me any. If they then buy me something anyway, not my fault. Why does OP keep on buying for them if they don't do that?

Whispering is incredibly rude.
Not recycling would give me the rage.
Chucking food when you could give it to guests or take it to the homeless refuge down the road-massively unreasonable.

I’m not sure I could be friends with people like this.

What were they meant to do with the left over food?

@zwellers

What were they meant to do with the left over food?

Put it in Tupperware in the fridge? Give it to homeless people? Some food won't keep though... What other people do with food that they've paid for doesn't bother me though.

I recycle most things but honestly would any of us do what 2 PPs have suggested and take some cake remains and left over sausage rolls and drive them into a town to try and locate a homeless person to offload them on or try to find a homeless shelter?

Putting the stuff in the fridge and using it the next day or sticking it in the food waste bin is one thing, most of us would do that. But redistribute old party food to homeless people .....really? I’m not saying people shouldn’t but does anyone??

"But redistribute old party food to homeless people .....really? I’m not saying people shouldn’t but does anyone??"

I did it at work once. Never again. It put us in a dangerous situation.

They shouldnt be greedy and overbuy food. Presumably they know how many they were catering for?

Even when you know how many you are catering for & their dietary requirements , it’s impossible to know what people are going to want to eat on the day. Leftover food is pretty inevitable not an indication of greed.

Whispering at the table yes is rude the other things are more of a reflection on you

Leftover food could be a couple of sausage rolls that weren't up to much or shoveling it into a bin bag becuse they couldn't be bothered to recycle or donate.

Whispering at the table is weird. The rest wouldn’t bother me.

You sound like a really judgemental friend, who cares if they dont recycle and why shouldn't they get a delivery slot? Anyone can have one they are not restricted to special people.

@Gwenhwyfar, you wouldn't do it again, but you suggested it?

Homeless people that are visable aren't in need of food, they get lots offered. They wouldn't want two day old food that's been on display. Many are vulnerable, health wise and aren't the best people to be offering it to. Local refugee centres are wary of accepting foid, because they are targets for hate crimes.

OP, perhaps Sally doesn't 'do' Birthdays and won't be pressured into doing them. Tom asked for your help, it's him that's at fault, especially as you are both better friends with him. Perhaps she's super careful not to get drawn in to 'wife work'. Your DH didn't approach them and they might not have wanted to approach him, incase it came across as pushy, which ties in with shyness, or being reserved.

You both over catered for the party. If you wanted any of it, you should have spoken up. Not everyone eats left overs, as previously said, that's been on display. For all you know one of them could have an immune condition. No one outside my immediate family know that I have one. My Mother and younger children don't. I don't want to worry them.

I would ask if she's ok, when she whispered. Or ask Tom if she was ok, next time I saw him. It could be and sounds like shyness.

Anyway, this couple have done a few things which are very small and I am nit picking, but they have bothered me. I am not going to do anything about it because its none of my business

I don't understand why you're asking if you're being unreasonable or not op. You've already said that you know it's none of your business....

"@Gwenhwyfar, you wouldn't do it again, but you suggested it?"

Personally, no, because I didn't feel safe, but some people might so it's still worth suggesting.