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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is anyone else boycotting Tesco's for giving £80,000 to Mermaids?

999 replies

loveyouradvice · 05/07/2020 17:20

Just that really... I was shocked, especially given all the news coverage there has been about the issues recently. I would have expected them to give it to an uncontroversial charity at the very least - and ideally one that most of their customers would like to support

OP posts:
HandsOffMyRights · 06/07/2020 08:49

@TheGreatWave

It is very important to stress that those who disagree with Mermaids are not saying that help and support shouldn't be there at all.
Absolutely.

Most of us here are parents (I have teens) and many of us also work in education.

yellowspanner · 06/07/2020 08:51

I will be boycotting Tesco in future.

Unihorn · 06/07/2020 08:51

That court case report posted on the previous page shows exactly the kind of situation people are concerned about. I doubt many people will have read it all because it's quite long, and it doesn't specifically say that Mermaids are "banned" from contact, but they are mentioned as a charity who supported this mother. The mother basically forced her son to think he was a girl from the age of 6, entirely based on her own ideals, which seemed to stem from mental health problems. She lied and exaggerated multiple times, and even signed him up as a girl at a new GP. It would've been quite a shock being called for a smear test when he was older, or being asked if he was pregnant, or asked what contraception he was using. When he was removed from her to live with his father he presented as a boy again.

The concern is that Mermaids are affirming things these children are saying, which in many cases may just reflect what they've been told by their parents. Primary age children are like parrots, and their views are not based on research and lived experience, their views are based on what they've absorbed from the adults who should be safeguarding them.

SerenityNowwwww · 06/07/2020 08:59

Child likes ‘opposite sex’ stuff. It’s a preference for pink over blue. It’s a choice thing. Fair enough. How often have you seen toddlers of both sexy clopping around in high heels playing dress up. Girls playing with trains and boys with dollies.

We thought this was breaking the gender stereotypes - it now we are told it indicated an underlying trans issue in the child? And the next step for that is medication and surgery.

Why has sexual Ed gone in a generation from ‘biology is this - boy bits, girl bits - behave’ to ‘you can be born in the wrong body and actually change sex, anal sex is this bla bla bla

Thinkingabout1t · 06/07/2020 09:00

I am freaked out that so many people think it is ok to encourage children to warp their bodies and possibly become sterile. Whatever happened to teaching children to love and accept themselves as they are? I love to see guys in makeup / flamboyant dress, but I would love it even more if they did it while accepting that they are men and it is ok to be a man who loves sparkle, doesn’t have to mean you’re a woman.

This is it, 100%, Skysblue. I loved the era of David Bowie and Adam Ant, when rock bands danced around on stage in the craziest clothes. Men were experimenting with platform shoes and make-up, clothes were fun -- often silly but why not? There was a real liberation. How did we lose that? Why are we now bowing to a new ideology that so restricts our self-expression?

I know I sound like any old fogey sighing about the good old days. But I never thought the next generation would impose strict conformity with outdated gender stereotypes!

GreytExpectations · 06/07/2020 09:01

@FamilyOfAliens

It is very important to stress that those who disagree with Mermaids are not saying that help and support shouldn't be there at all.

You’d think that wouldn’t have to be spelled out, wouldn’t you?

Based on the attitude that you and other posters have it's actually quite suprising that you care about support for Trans people.
FamilyOfAliens · 06/07/2020 09:05

Completely agree, thinking .

David Bowie turned male/female stereotypes on their heads, but no one thought for a minute that it was because he was transgender.

LemonadeAndDaisyChains · 06/07/2020 09:12

Based on the attitude that you and other posters have it's actually quite suprising that you care about support for Trans people

Yeah, it doesn't specify what support is happy with though.
Does it mean support for trans people telling them there's nothing wrong with them and that they're fine as they are "to live as you?" (which brings me back to my earlier post how the heck can you live as yourself if you're told that there's nowt wrong with you and to stay as you are?)
How is that support if so, if that's what's meant?

RufustheRowlingReindeer · 06/07/2020 09:13

@Le22Fu22

And when you’ve had a teen saying they no longer want to live due to hating themselves and you get zero support get back to me.
Why?

And ask another poster said really very sorry you didn’t get any help, i think there is something very seriously wrong with this countries mental health provision

SeonaSeona · 06/07/2020 09:16

I don't know all the ins and outs of the trans argument.

I'm much more concerned about the gendered aspects of poverty.

RufustheRowlingReindeer · 06/07/2020 09:17

Based on the attitude that you and other posters have it's actually quite suprising that you care about support for Trans people

There is a massive spectrum of believe on this subject and how to help

It suits some people to believe (Not on here but in the media etc) that there are only two views And they are completely opposite to one another

Its a bit like on the politics threads, say you think a labour policy is stupid and all of a sudden you are right wing and want poor people to die(And the other way round)

Ive seen many many posts saying that people on here are transphobic and then that poster goes on to say something ‘transphobic’

SerenityNowwwww · 06/07/2020 09:18

What is trans? What exactly is it?

TV, shops, banks, businesses all flying the flag... you would need to live under a rock not to see representations/lobby groups presented. It’s eclipsed LGB and taken in a life of its own. This is in the last ten years. Why are we seeing so many children and teenagers presenting?

Does that not seem odd to those saying ‘you don’t care!’?

HandsOffMyRights · 06/07/2020 09:18

What a strange comment!

Based on the majority of posts on here, it is not surprising at all. What I've seen are parents who are extremely concerned about what adults are doing (and those who are supporting those adults) to children and young people.

If we didn't care, then we'd endorse harmful medication, cosmetic surgery and sterilisation in children and young people. We'd keep silent while other adults, who claim to care, endorse child abuse.

RufustheRowlingReindeer · 06/07/2020 09:19

Belief...not believe

Its early

HandsOffMyRights · 06/07/2020 09:20

@HandsOffMyRights

What a strange comment!

Based on the majority of posts on here, it is not surprising at all. What I've seen are parents who are extremely concerned about what adults are doing (and those who are supporting those adults) to children and young people.

If we didn't care, then we'd endorse harmful medication, cosmetic surgery and sterilisation in children and young people. We'd keep silent while other adults, who claim to care, endorse child abuse.

Sorry, my post (quoted) is in reply to Greyt's post, which stated:

'Based on the attitude that you and other posters have it's actually quite suprising that you care about support for Trans people.'

ItsLateHumpty · 06/07/2020 09:20

Re the court case, and to highlight why all charities should be under scrutiny;

The court findings highlighted is that social workers with the legal responsibilities for protecting child J failed him because they followed the mantra from trans group Mermaids rather than looking at the actual harm being done to him by his (mentally unwell) mother.

‘Justice Hayden writes that J’s mother caused “significant emotional harm” to her child and critiques the local authority social services staff responsible for the youngster’s welfare.

He goes on to detail the acts of a controlling mother towards her child, M’s personal diagnosis of J’s alleged gender dysphoria, and a system which failed this child. Together, these various failures demonstrate a pattern of abuse and a mother who, Hayden writes, “deprived [her son] of his fundamental right to exercise his autonomy in its most basic way.”

What the judgment shows is that reports made by the Local Authority’s Housing Department, J’s school, the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC), and Social Services gave M’s behaviour towards her child (including her approach to J’s “gender presentation”) a pass simply because she was receiving support from Mermaids, a UK-based charity that claims to support parents of children who identify as transgender. Observations like these show major conflicts of interest between Mermaids and the government agencies named in the judgement.’ (continues)

It's just another example of what happens when professionals fail to centre children and forgo safeguarding to blindly follow ‘charity support’ groups.

I’m getting a bit over yet another “lessons learned” when we’ve realised we’ve sterilised a generation of children based on their colour preferences.

feelingverylazytoday · 06/07/2020 09:22

I won't be boycotting them seeing as I only go there ocassionally. I don't think I'll be contributing to the £80,000.

FamilyOfAliens · 06/07/2020 09:22

I don't know all the ins and outs of the trans argument.

Here’s a good place to start:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3145470-Break-it-down-for-me

I'm much more concerned about the gendered aspects of poverty.

With respect, this thread isn’t about that, but you could always start your own.

JollyYellaHumberElla · 06/07/2020 09:25

It is very important to stress that those who disagree with Mermaids are not saying that help and support shouldn't be there at all.

Absolutely. All our children deserve better. Why are some people so willing to settle for such low standards of research, care, quality and outcomes?

Thinkingabout1t · 06/07/2020 09:26

metro.co.uk/2017/10/08/charity-advised-mum-to-force-her-son-7-to-live-as-a-girl-6984649/
Mermaids UK has also been criticised for advertising ‘same day’ cross-sex hormone treatments for children – a treatment banned by the NHS, because it causes irreversible changes and can compromise fertility later in life for anyone under 16.

Unihorn: The mother basically forced her son to think he was a girl from the age of 6, entirely based on her own ideals, which seemed to stem from mental health problems. She lied and exaggerated multiple times, and even signed him up as a girl at a new GP. … When he was removed from her to live with his father he presented as a boy again. The concern is that Mermaids are affirming things these children are saying, which in many cases may just reflect what they've been told by their parents…., their views are based on what they've absorbed from the adults who should be safeguarding them.

I've been saddened by the number of people on this thread who think Mermaids is a nice charity being kind to transgender kids. Although, it does seem as if most of those comments are from people who haven't seen any of the investigative journalism, or noticed that the NHS is quietly backing away from Mermaids in the advice it is now giving about medication.

SerenityNowwwww · 06/07/2020 09:30

It appears that a parent takes their child there with a preconception that’s their child is ‘in the wrong body’ and needs to be mended. These kids aren’t blind or deaf or have missing limbs. They don’t suffer for MS or cancer.

They are boys who love frozen and girls who hate link and want short hair.

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 06/07/2020 09:33

So still no actual examples of the alleged transphobic comments. And those shouting this the most have an amazing ability to write long posts telling us how transphobic we are but aren't able to show the receipts. Unless of course discussing safeguarding is transphobic? In that case, yes, I guess I am Hmm

EveryDay being gay is sexual orientation. Loving who you want to love. No medical intervention required, no accessing safe spaces segregated by sex. It's a relationship between two consenting individuals.

Trans ideology however means biology isn't real, requires other people to lie about facts and a real chance children will be given life altering drugs and surgery. It means possibly giving grown men access to safe spaces for young girls.

There is no comparison and I'm amazed people don't see the obvious difference.

JollyYellaHumberElla · 06/07/2020 09:36

No informed choices are offered. They openly state that questioning whether a child might not be trans is ‘conversion’ and is not permitted.

If your starting point is affirmation only based on a child’s feelings, with so much at stake and so little evidence of good health outcomes, your model as a support system is fundamentally flawed. Unless you are driving a single agenda, or operating as a lobbying organisation. In which case it’s very effective when in a position of trust and influence over vulnerable and often desperate families.

Winesalot · 06/07/2020 09:36

Based on the attitude that you and other posters have it's actually quite suprising that you care about support for Trans people.

I think this has more to do with your own beliefs than the posters on this thread.

I, and many of us here on this thread, want the best courses of treatments for each individual based on an approach that explores all underlying health issues and motivations. Does a charity that seems to be set on setting up children for feeling like they are in the wrong body through toy use do that?

Or are they keen to push an agenda to keep themselves relevant and the money coming (the ex marketing manager in me is very cynical)?

GreytExpectations · 06/07/2020 09:38

Ive seen many many posts saying that people on here are transphobic and then that poster goes on to say something ‘transphobic’

Mumsnet is a transphobic place, 5 minutes on the feminist chat board will show you that, it's not about specific comments in here either it's about the tone and attitude which as you will be aware you can't exactly prove. Also I saw that posters comment and they weren't being transphobic but they were getting piled on by everyone for simply have a minority opinion, something that happens on Mumsnet a lot. Nobody is capable of debating when it means different opinions. Posters only want to discuss with those that agree with them