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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is anyone else boycotting Tesco's for giving £80,000 to Mermaids?

999 replies

loveyouradvice · 05/07/2020 17:20

Just that really... I was shocked, especially given all the news coverage there has been about the issues recently. I would have expected them to give it to an uncontroversial charity at the very least - and ideally one that most of their customers would like to support

OP posts:
araiwa · 06/07/2020 07:51

Seems noone gives a shit about all the other unethical shit they do.

But a charitable donation? Thats too far

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Criticism_of_Tesco

FamilyOfAliens · 06/07/2020 07:51

I've given examples of transphobia on other mumsnet threads before

In that case it should be a doddle to link to those posts for this thread - lemonade could really do with some help with that.

Le22Fu22 · 06/07/2020 07:51

And as for encouraging children to keep secrets any child over 13 does not have to share their records. All gps, schools etc have to be and are mindful of that.

This thread is aimed at whipping up hate and I’ve reported it.

GreytExpectations · 06/07/2020 07:52

@FamilyOfAliens

It’s well known that even before lockdown being an LGBT teen puts you at a higher risk of suicide.

Link to peer-reviewed research? Should be easy if it’s “well known”.

There's literally a link in her post that you quoted. Are you that adament to dismiss issues faced in the LGBT community that's you won't even read the full post?
FamilyOfAliens · 06/07/2020 07:54

Seems noone gives a shit about all the other unethical shit they do.

Why not start a thread about that? This thread is about their donation to Mermaids.

Le22Fu22 · 06/07/2020 07:54

www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/preventing-suicide/facts-about-suicide/

Or is the Trevor project not deemed worthy enough. The wish to brush the mental health battle for LGBT teens under the carpet is disgusting.

Hingeandbracket · 06/07/2020 07:55

I am boycotting them because they won’t give me a job.

FamilyOfAliens · 06/07/2020 07:57

There's literally a link in her post that you quoted.

I saw the link to the BBC news article.

That wasn’t what I meant by peer-reviewed research.

FamilyOfAliens · 06/07/2020 08:02

Or is the Trevor project not deemed worthy enough.

It’s nothing to do with the worthiness or otherwise of the organisation. It’s about the reliability of the research.

The Trevor Project quotes a single study that is rarely used now as it’s unreliable, not to mention running counter to Samaritans’ advice about reporting suicide in the media.

HandsOffMyRights · 06/07/2020 08:05

This thread is aimed at whipping up hate and I’ve reported it.

Can't see any of that (still waiting for evidence). However, I'm tempted to report this for the weaponising of suicide which is being used to derail this thread, but I don't believe in the 'cancel' culture Le22 referenced many pages ago.

www.transgendertrend.com/the-suicide-myth/

Le22Fu22 · 06/07/2020 08:08

Sooooo Samaritans don’t want anybody to know about an at risk group in need of more funding or parents and society to be aware that they are currently even more vulnerable.

What utter rubbish. It’s not a police state. We all need to know. Particularly those of us with LGBT teens as we are the ones left to deal with it.

TheGreatWave · 06/07/2020 08:08

Gracious me, if individuals are at increased risk of self harm Inc suicide then they need appropriate care. They need a safe space to be able to explore all that is going on.

There shouldn't be the sticky plaster approach that is occurring at present.

Winesalot · 06/07/2020 08:09

Suicide levels in LGBT community debunked I don’t think so. It’s well known that even before lockdown being an LGBT teen puts you at a higher risk of suicide.

No one is saying the stats are not high. At all. And that link you posted is for the whole LGBT community not the T. The statistics for transgender youth has been stated by organizations such as mermaids to be the highest rate of suicide. This has been debunked as I have said. It does not seem to be higher than people with other types of disphoria.

Gender clinicians have expressed concern that underlying mental health comorbities are overlooked in the push for transition. Experts have also said rates are not reflecting the relief of mental health issues after transition as they are still similar levels.

Should more be done to help people with their mental health? absolutely!!!!!!!

Should it entail affirming your feelings of being born in the wrong body in the first stage when you are a child?

And the charities that are only focused on providing mental health care for everyone have also pointed out using information about suicide rates is ‘weaponising’ them to push through agendas that may not be in the best interest for patients.

Is it shameful to want clarity around suicide statistics that are reported? So that the causes can be addressed In the future? I don’t think ’shameful’ is what you think it means.

Le22Fu22 · 06/07/2020 08:10

And when you’ve had a teen saying they no longer want to live due to hating themselves and you get zero support get back to me.

HandsOffMyRights · 06/07/2020 08:11

It's important that threads connected to safeguarding and child abuse scandals stand, so that parents can remain informed and vigilant and so that when the wheels fall off, those adults who support that abuse, including the amputation of healthy body parts of children, can re-read these threads.

ItsLateHumpty · 06/07/2020 08:12

...link me to exact proof that kids are being told they are trans if they like the opposite gendered stuff?

Susie Green is Chair of Mermaids

There are a lot of stories about Susie and Jackie Green. The story is about how Jack became Jackie, and lead to Susie being CEO of Mermaids.

4thwavenow.com/tag/susie-green/

www.thesun.co.uk/archives/news/851138/i-had-sex-swap-op-on-my-16th-birthday/

Jackie, who was born Jack, knew she wanted to switch genders from the age of four.

Susie, who is divorced from Jackie’s dad, said: “As a toddler Jack wanted to go to the aisle of dolls and cuddly toys in Toys R Us. He put jumpers on his head as they felt like long hair and he loved Barbie.”

Thinking it was a phase, mum-of-four Susie happily let her son, the eldest of four boys, raid her wardrobe.

We were in the car when Jack was four and he said to me,
‘Mummy, God has made a mistake, I’m really a girl’. At the age of six he
told me he wanted a sex change operation.

“I have three younger sons and they were all into trucks and football, whereas Jack wanted girly dresses and dolls. I tried to ban his dolls and girls toys but I couldn’t force him to be miserable so I let him have the toys back.

“Despite being the complete opposite of Jackie when she was their age, my three sons are very supportive of their sister.

“It was only when I saw the boys growing up, running around pretending to be soldiers, that I realised just how big the difference was between them and Jackie.”

www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/how-to-deal-with-a-transexual-teenage-daughter-by-a-mother-who-knows-8329471.html

When Jack Green was four years old, he told his mother 'God made a mistake, I should have been a girl'.

“As soon as he was old enough to toddle he was in my wardrobe, trying on my clothes. When he was two his nursery rang and said ‘Jack doesn’t play with the other boys, when the dressing up box comes out he goes straight for the pinafore’. I said ‘I know, let him get on with it, he’ll grow out of it,’” Susie Green recalls.

In her case, Green says, it had been obvious since her child was very young that “something wasn’t right”, and seeing Jack struggle to tally a feminine sense of self with an increasingly masculine body made fully supporting her eldest child her only option.

One of the first things the therapist said was ‘would you make your younger sons wear a dress’?

Jackie started the transition when she was 10: “The clinic told us to allow her to dress up at home but to remain a boy outside of the house to make it easier in case she ever wanted to go back.

www.wikihow.com/Determine-if-a-Child-is-Transgender

Notice if your child has gender non-conforming tendencies. Maybe you have seen that your female child likes to play with toys that are generally considered “male." Keep in mind that just because your daughter likes to play with trucks does not mean that she is transgender. However, if your child consistently displays a strong preference for things that don’t conform to gender expectations, it could be something to keep an eye on.

Look for signs along the way. A child who is transgender will usually show many signs of their true gender. Their imaginary play usually suggests their gender, as well as how they want to dress and groom themselves. A child may be transgender if they show many of these signs:[3]
Insisting on shopping in the girls/boys section
Choosing a boy/girl name for themselves
Preferring friends of the opposite sex (who have the child's desired gender)
Making a fuss over haircuts
Frequently pretending to be book or movie characters who share their desired gender
Hating their genitals
Looking up to older boys/girls and wanting to be just like them
Begging for books or toys that say "for boys" or "for girls"
Wanting to reincarnate as their true gender
Crying over the sex they were assigned at birth[4]
Being much happier when you let them do something related to the gender they want

Notice signs of unhappiness at being pushed into the wrong gender role. For example, if your "son" screams and screams over a haircut because she can't bear having short hair, or if your "sister" cries when told that he can't get clothes from the boy's section, this is a sign that your child is transgender. Gender is important, so your child may feel (and act) like the world is ending if they have to pretend to be someone they are not.

www.care.com/c/stories/12502/my-child-may-be-transgender-what-do-i-need-to-know/

Is my child transgender? What experts say parents need to know

Amber Briggle, a mom of two from the greater Dallas area, says her transgender son Max told her that he was a boy at age 2. “Max has always identified as a boy,” she says. “He told me using his own words when he was 2. We were coming home from preschool one day, and he said, ‘Mom, I’m not a girl, I'm a boy, and I like Spider-Man.

www.parents.com/parenting/my-transgender-child-this-is-how-i-know/

My Child Is Transgender: This Is How I Know
I thought I had a daughter. Then I thought I had a tomboy. But now I know: I have a son.

“I believe in reincarnation," my 4-year-old announced, confidently. "And when I come back, I'm going to be a boy, and my name will be Shane."

My breath caught in my throat. What did she just say?

Until that moment, I'd seen my rough-and-tumble girl as a tomboy who loved mud puddles, forts, superheroes, zombies, and Hot Wheels. Brave and true, she was 35 pounds of adorable awesomeness.

Or was it more than that? Didn't she always choose the boy pieces in Chutes and Ladders? Weren't her closest friends boys? Did she ever once play with the My Little Pony she got for Christmas? Hadn't every pink or purple outfit ended up in the Goodwill bag, unworn? Didn't she enjoy it when other people mistook her for a boy?

Did she want to be a boy so badly that she was looking forward to death and a do-over?

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 06/07/2020 08:16

It always amazes me how sophisticated the children’s language is for a Pre- schooler.

ItsLateHumpty · 06/07/2020 08:23

Yes, very gifted children. I mean understanding life / death well enough to know what reincarnation is is just amazing.

As for banning boys playing with ‘girl’ toys, just why?

Clymene · 06/07/2020 08:33

Lots of teens say they no longer want to live @Le22Fu22. It's very sad that teenage MH is in such a parlous state. Talking therapies, mindfulness and sometimes antidepressants have all been shown to help.

What hasn't been shown to help is stunting children's physical and mental growth through blocking natural puberty.

users.ox.ac.uk/~sfos0060/Biggs_ExperimentPubertyBlockers.pdf

FamilyOfAliens · 06/07/2020 08:38

And when you’ve had a teen saying they no longer want to live due to hating themselves and you get zero support get back to me.

As many of us with young adult children who’ve experienced suicidal ideation will tell you, the very last organisation we would turn to for support would be one run by a parent who arranged for her 16-year-old son to have his genitals surgically removed.

TheGreatWave · 06/07/2020 08:38

@Le22Fu22

And when you’ve had a teen saying they no longer want to live due to hating themselves and you get zero support get back to me.
I am so sorry that your teen is going through that. MH support within CAMHS and early adulthood is appalling. Slightly different but we have had every door slammed in our faces in regards to my DS with autism, so I do have a little understanding of the frustrations.

However it is important to ensure that anyone stepping in to fill the gaps is the most appropriate to do so and more importantly are safe (in all senses of the word)

I am not sure Mermaids is right to fill that gap.

NameChange84 · 06/07/2020 08:40

I didn’t know about Tesco but I have recently boycotted and unsubscribed from Tropic skincare because of a similar issue.

TheGreatWave · 06/07/2020 08:42

It is very important to stress that those who disagree with Mermaids are not saying that help and support shouldn't be there at all.

FamilyOfAliens · 06/07/2020 08:43

It is very important to stress that those who disagree with Mermaids are not saying that help and support shouldn't be there at all.

You’d think that wouldn’t have to be spelled out, wouldn’t you?

SerenityNowwwww · 06/07/2020 08:49

That’s the way such groups work. To question them is to ‘murder puppies’ and should not be permitted. It’s like a theocracy - where to question the government is to question god, and you can’t do that can you?