to wonder if 7 yr old DD should be reading Jacqueline Wilson?

[FakeTalesOfSanFrancisco]

I am separated from my DC father. He didn't see them due to distance throughout lockdown, until about six weeks ago. Just for clarity, he usually has them every other weekend in normal circumstances. He has now seen the DC twice in the past six weeks.

7 year old DD is very bright and an advanced reader, though I've had conversations with her teachers about her comprehension ability. I don't think she is as emotionally mature as some of her friends.

Her behaviour since she has come back from her dad's the first time has been really challenging. Refusing to do any schoolwork, being aggressive at times, just generally difficult, which I've tried to deal with as calmly as possible.

She came out with a phrase 'tough titties with knobs on'- not something she has ever heard from me. Eventually she told me that she read it in 'The Suitcase Kid' by Jacqueline Wilson, which she read at her dad's. From having a quick look on mnet, it looks like the word 'slut' also appears in this book. The books is about a girl unhappy with her parent's divorce. The girl in question is 10- a lot older than 7, nearly 8.

I don't think the book is suitable for a 7 year old in any circumstances but especially not ours- to put it simply the separation hasn't exactly been easy. AIBU to think she shouldn't have been given this to read?

Ex lives with his parents and it's possible that it was his mum that bought it.

Some of them would be suitable for 7/8 year olds, others not so much. Online searches suggests The Suitcase Kid would be suitable for readers aged 9+ so this one may be a bit mature for her.

I think it’s generally a good thing for kids to read books which illustrate situations they’re experiencing. In The Suitcase Kid the child’s parents have split up and she finds it really difficult, but then by the end she is much happier and has found an equilibrium where she knows both parents love her and where she feels settled with both of her blended families. It can help kids to feel understood and acknowledged to read about scenarios they recognise themselves.

i used to love jacqueline wilson and read all the books and i definitely wouldn’t recommend then for seven year olds! she writes about quite tough issues such as cancer, mental illness, student teacher relationships, death... the suitcase kid is definitely one of the milder ones, but i’d leave it a few more years before she be allowed to read any others.

The thing about Jacqueline Wilson books is that the covers are so bright and cheerful they appeal to quite young children, but they can be quite dark. I remember being traumatised by My Sister Jodie when I was eight.
I doubt reading that book is responsible for her being challenging though, she’s got a lot going on ( although, yes, her dad should have probably checked)

I'd say a book about a child unhappy with their parents divorce is a good thing for a child to read when their parents are separating, it will help them manage their own feelings.

As a book, it's certainly not never appropriate for a student at the end Year 3 student, so it's individual to the child, you call her a bright and advanced reader in which case I'd say it likely is appropriate with the high interest in the subject she's likely to have.

So YABU I'd say.

It's also extremely unlikely that her challenging behaviour is anything to do with a book, even in normal times that would be extremely unlikely, but months into a serious bout of social isolation and a global pandemic, there are a lot more likely causes, so forget the book until you've dealt with all of those.

Seriously there is a lot worse then "tuff titties with nobs on". She hear worse in the play ground,. I would read the book with her, if there are naughty words you tell her that and say you don,t like that word. I think she is a great author. And perhaps the book has things she can relate to in it.

I don't have a problem with them reading about characters they can relate to but from what I have read very briefly on mumsnet and from googling, does Jacqueline Wilson do this in an appropriate way? If not done correctly could it not cause more harm than good?

I loved JW books as a kid though, they are good for developing empathy I think!

I think it’s fine, OP, but with all books I think it’s good to talk about what they’ve read and help them process it.

To be honest I think I unknowingly absorbed some odd attitudes in some rather old-fashioned books I had a penchant for as a child, Enid blyton especially.

I started reading Judy Blume at that age which was just as bad!

I know there's worse than 'tough titties with knobs on'- haven't got much of an issue with that, it's what brought it to my attention that she'd read the book.

Slut though?

I think JW generally does an excellent job of tackling quite dark themes in a very sensitive and empathetic way. She has always struck me as a writer who is really on the side of children and who wants to be an advocate for them. Many children will experience homelessness, the death or illness of a parent, family break ups, bullying, etc. She explores these themes in a way which centres the experiences of children and focuses on emotional resilience. I would generally consider them to be very positive resources for children.

She came out with a phrase 'tough titties with knobs on'- not something she has ever heard from me.

Sorry but that did make me laugh!

There'll be all sorts of words and phrases she'll be learning from people around her every day and some of them won't be acceptable, but like all parents you'll have to keep on top of that.

As for her behaviour, I wouldn't put that down to the book. Lots of kids go through angry phases when their parents are separated and I imagine lockdown and not seeing her dad might've added to that.

I think the context is that the girls mum says it about the woman her ex left her for (even though she seems to have been cheating too!)

I think through adult eyes we can see none of the adults behave well in it. Is this something you could talk to dd about?

The main JW objection I have is when she markets her own books within the books, so has her characters talking about this brilliant book they read and it’s one of her other ones - for some reason it makes me want to cringe!

I think the context is that the girls mum says it about the woman her ex left her for (even though she seems to have been cheating too!)

That’s what I remember too. The important thing is, it doesn’t happen in a vacuum. The fight between her mother and her dad’a girlfriend is something the character is seen as dealing with, and all of them find a way to move past it and peacefully coexist at the end.

Tbh @WorraLiberty it makes me laugh too- honest language isn't generally an issue with me at all. Don't like 'slut' as a word to shame women though.

I get the books may be helpful in some circumstances. But to a 7 yr old?

It’s also worth pointing out to children that some words change meaning or acceptance towards them changes with time - nothing wrong with saying to dd that’s a horrible word to use and not to use it herself and to stick up for any girl who it IS used towards.

I did read a lot of JW and from this age, but yes an awful lot of them do deal with divorce. I haven't read them as an adult so it's hard to say whether she handles the issue well, but I certainly remember a lot of content with children being very bitter and upset by their parents divorce. That's actually where I got my first impression of kids with separated parents as a child as I didn't have any direct experience of it, and it did certainly did teach me that it was something bad that made kids miserable, and also made them act out. I can see an argument that it would be helpful for DD to process her feelings, but if you're already noticing a negative change in her attitude, I wouldn't be surprised if that's what's inspired it. It doesn't sound like she's relating to the content in a positive way.

My DD is 7, advanced reader just about to finish Y2 and she won’t be reading JW for a few years.

I don’t think there’s a hard and fast rule about whether or not it’s age-appropriate. If she’s almost 8 and bright with an advanced reading age I can see how an argument could be made that it would be fine for her. Equally, if she’s emotionally immature as you suggest, it’s maybe not the right time. But I wouldn’t say there is a right or wrong answer - just a judgment call which some might make differently from others.

I think that’s a shame, to be honest.

I remember The Suitcase Kid well as although it wasn’t the same scenario as my mum died rather than divorce the sort of unsettled feeling at life suddenly and dramatically changing and feeling helpless and powerless was what I really remembered.

Some of the earlier ones are really good - there’s one about bullying too. Despite all the cringeworthy propaganda in it Clean Break deals well with the sort of deadbeat Disney dads we know and love on here. I’ve got a soft spot for JW.

What they hear in the playground must vary massively dependBig on the school, my DD still doesn’t even know any swear words 😆

The other thing is I don't think she (or her younger brother) are struggling with the divorce- of course it can't have been easy for them but their behaviour is good, doing well at school etc. We separated nearly two years ago now.

I don't want to drip feed but the reason it hasn't been easy is mainly because of ex's behaviour. Whole other topic. IMO children don't need to know why parents are separating- not when they are as young as mine. What they need is stability and contact with both parents going forward and to be reassured that both parents love them. But he has told them 'mummy sent daddy away' and other things- hardly true or realistic and potentially damaging.

I just feel it could do more harm that good, especially as these aren't our circumstances and she has not struggled as such- it's giving her the idea that there could be something wrong when she didn't feel that before.

One of the problems with Jacqueline Wilson (and some other authors) is that she writes for a range of ages, so you have to look at individual books (or her website) to try and work out what age they're suitable for. If there's a shelf of books around from when her dad and siblings were kids, your daughter may just have chosen it to read herself, especially if she's read any of the ones aimed at younger children and enjoyed them.

"To be honest I think I unknowingly absorbed some odd attitudes in some rather old-fashioned books I had a penchant for as a child, Enid blyton especially."

That's interesting. Can you give some examples?