to wonder if 7 yr old DD should be reading Jacqueline Wilson?

[FakeTalesOfSanFrancisco]

I am separated from my DC father. He didn't see them due to distance throughout lockdown, until about six weeks ago. Just for clarity, he usually has them every other weekend in normal circumstances. He has now seen the DC twice in the past six weeks.

7 year old DD is very bright and an advanced reader, though I've had conversations with her teachers about her comprehension ability. I don't think she is as emotionally mature as some of her friends.

Her behaviour since she has come back from her dad's the first time has been really challenging. Refusing to do any schoolwork, being aggressive at times, just generally difficult, which I've tried to deal with as calmly as possible.

She came out with a phrase 'tough titties with knobs on'- not something she has ever heard from me. Eventually she told me that she read it in 'The Suitcase Kid' by Jacqueline Wilson, which she read at her dad's. From having a quick look on mnet, it looks like the word 'slut' also appears in this book. The books is about a girl unhappy with her parent's divorce. The girl in question is 10- a lot older than 7, nearly 8.

I don't think the book is suitable for a 7 year old in any circumstances but especially not ours- to put it simply the separation hasn't exactly been easy. AIBU to think she shouldn't have been given this to read?

Ex lives with his parents and it's possible that it was his mum that bought it.

Yes, an anomaly is the perfect way to describe Love Lessons. JW's are usually so much more balanced and well-researched, tackling lots of difficult topics really well. As I said I think I might start a thread of my own: there's lots to discuss!

OP, I really don't think you've come across as someone who wants to "blame challenging behaviour on a book." It's quite clear to me that the book is a small drop in a wider sea of issues - the context is very important. And you've stated several times that you discuss these sorts of issues with your kids/have open conversations with them, rather than expecting them to be happy all the time.

For those who say they don't agree with choosing books for children/policing what they read, I think there's a difference between banning certain books outright and having a read through them beforehand to check that they isn't anything that your specific DC might find too much to handle. If there is, but they still want to read it, you could consider reading it with them, for example, or having a chat about the kind of issues it presents. Some books are also just not suitable for children due to the subject matter.

FFS I'm not blaming a book, I'm questioning its suitability for her and wondering whether it has triggered a response in her. Has something you've watched/read never influenced or affected your responses or emotions? I've certainly been affected by things I've watched/read. As a child, a teen, and even now as an adult. Some positive and some negative. I'm questioning the suitability of it for her age right now, if she isn't old enough to understand it then it could be upsetting and confusing her and I dont think it's responsible parenting on his part if that's the case.

Of course she is going to develop and change. I'm wondering why, after being well behaved and enjoying her schoolwork in lockdown, she has come back from her fathers refusing to do anything, not speaking to me, imitating the book's character so much.

And as for 'I hope for your DCs' sake, you find some peace with how you manage all this'- I am doing all I bloody well can to not let my feelings about their dad ever show to them, talk to them, reassure and love them. Be an actual parent and do schoolwork with them (unlike him). I don't know what else I'm supposed to do to 'manage all this' or what I'm supposedly doing that's so bloody wrong in questioning what it appropriate for them.

My parents let me read all of them from 7-8. I never asked anyone's permission on what books to read. My parents left me to it and no I'm not emotionally damaged from reading them. Kids these days are very sheltered, it's no wonder we are now called millennials..

@whattimeisitrightnow thank you, I'm glad it's clear I'm not blaming it all on a book- I'd like to think I have enough about me to not be so small minded. I have no experience with JW and it's interesting to read the range of opinions on here actually- it doesn't seem to me that I'm overreacting to have some concerns. I can totally see how JW books could be great for children in the right circumstances and for the right age.

Kids these days are very sheltered, it's no wonder we are now called millennials..

Kids these days are not millennials. Millennials are currently 26 - 40 years old. Most of us have mortgages and back problems.

I'm the millennial, not DD 😬

@CluelessBaker very true! I would be classed as one, though I am not.

There will be a new name for the next generation!

I shared similar concerns when my dd had been reading Dustbin Baby at her fathers! It's not a story for a 7 year old imo. I did some reading and found some really inappropriate story lines across many books of hers. I loved JW as a child, but think I was a bit older when they were released. I also loved my mum's Bella and That's Life trashy magazines and shouldn't have been reading those either, JW is similar.

I think it's really important not to assume that all children of divorcees are struggling and miserable. Children live in the moment and most children will cope very well. Books like these reinforce negative stereotypes of single parents and dead beat dads. In a similar vain, when I was in the market for books about new siblings and having a new baby sister/brother, I wasn't happy that so many really pushed the jealousy issue. Painted a picture of being ignored because everyone is so busy with the new baby, some showed crying older siblings in bedrooms, and how they just need to learn to accept it etc. I didn't want to sew this seed of negativity when they weren't feeling any. Pre-empting negativity as a given like this I don't agree with.

Just to warn you, since the Dustin Baby incident, I started reading all books before DD to check their suitability, and I really enjoyed so many of them, and how easy children's and teen fiction is to read that I now pretty much only read YA and not adult books. I pick YA books and claim they are for DD, who is now a teenager .

@user327253 that's exactly how I feel. I don't like ore-emoting negativity either.

Also I know my daughter and she has coped with the divorce well. So has my son. I am not saying that is never going to cause them problems and I am here for them every step of the way. I have never and would never dismiss their feelings about it. I know she will develop and change and be challenging for various reasons at different times. I don't want her having a negative portrayal of divorce as the standard and I think she is not emotionally mature enough to understand all of the themes.

You asked for suitable JW titles: a lot of the earlier stuff (of which Suitcase Kid is one) is fine and I read them when I was your daughter's age/when they were published, as I was in junior school at the time.

Cliffhanger - story about a kid who gets sent to a summer camp & ends up making friends. There's a follow up called Buried Alive but I didn't think it was as good.
Bed & breakfast star - a homeless family who stay in loads of b&bs (presumably at the council's expense) & the girl makes up stories about her "glam" life.
Mum minder - about a girl whose mum is a childminder but gets sick, so she & her siblings go to work with all of the mindees parents for the week.
Double act - identical twins, mum dies & then dad gets a new partner & moves the family to Wales to run a bookshop.
Story of Tracy Beaker - kid growing up in the care system. TV show is a lot "worse" than the original book.
Lottie Project - popular girl doing a project for school on the Victorians and starts writing a diary about her as a Victorian servant to detract from what's happening in her real life.

As has been said the girls in love books are definitely for older kids (I read them aged about 11...I also read the first Bridget Jones on a y7 trip, again given to me by my mum) but I've not read any of her later stuff, including the book everyone is talking about, as by the time they were published I'd moved on.

I read all the Jacqueline Wilson books (that were available at the time) by the age of 8 and have read the rest since then. None of them negatively affected me as I just saw them as books. My Sister Jodie was hard to read though as I already knew the ending. The best ones for 7 year olds are: Double Act, The mum minder, Lizzie Zipmouth, The monster storyteller, The dinosaur's packed lunch, Best friends, The worry website, Sleepovers, The werepuppy, The werepuppy on holiday, Mark Spark in the dark, Video Rose, and Connie and the water babies

Some of her books are great for 8 year olds but mine generally start reading them at 10+. If you’re worried read the books before you give them to her, it also helps you discuss anything in the books together so she can understand it. JW books are great for explaining real life problems in a child friendly way so I wouldn’t be too concerned about wording unless it was one of the stories aimed at teens.

I'm wondering why, after being well behaved and enjoying her schoolwork in lockdown, she has come back from her fathers refusing to do anything, not speaking to me, imitating the book's character so much

Perhaps this visit has brought it home to her that the situation has irrevocably changed. If I’m honest I think it’s completely unrealistic to expect children to “cope well” with separation and divorce. Mine definitely didn’t and I wasn’t expecting him to. He was really angry and sad that his comfortable, secure little world had been torn apart.

@Alsohuman

I'm wondering why, after being well behaved and enjoying her schoolwork in lockdown, she has come back from her fathers refusing to do anything, not speaking to me, imitating the book's character so much

Perhaps this visit has brought it home to her that the situation has irrevocably changed. If I’m honest I think it’s completely unrealistic to expect children to “cope well” with separation and divorce. Mine definitely didn’t and I wasn’t expecting him to. He was really angry and sad that his comfortable, secure little world had been torn apart.

I think it's dawning on me that it's going to be impossible for them to 'cope well' when they have a father that is unable to put their best interests first tbh. And I'm powerless to do anything about that. I had no choice but to disrupt their whole world- I couldn't protect them from what was happening continually. It's a better option than what would have happened had we stayed together. I know what you are saying but we're two years down the line and I wonder if something has changed. Incidentally I've recently asked him to return paperwork to my solicitor which as of yet he has failed to do so I wonder if anything has been said to the DC, in combination with this book being given to her. It's lots of factors that are at play I think.

@Alsohuman

I'm wondering why, after being well behaved and enjoying her schoolwork in lockdown, she has come back from her fathers refusing to do anything, not speaking to me, imitating the book's character so much

Perhaps this visit has brought it home to her that the situation has irrevocably changed. If I’m honest I think it’s completely unrealistic to expect children to “cope well” with separation and divorce. Mine definitely didn’t and I wasn’t expecting him to. He was really angry and sad that his comfortable, secure little world had been torn apart.

I think it's dawning on me that it's going to be impossible for them to 'cope well' when they have a father that is unable to put their best interests first tbh. And I'm powerless to do anything about that. I had no choice but to disrupt their whole world- I couldn't protect them from what was happening continually. It's a better option than what would have happened had we stayed together. I know what you are saying but we're two years down the line and I wonder if something has changed. Incidentally I've recently asked him to return paperwork to my solicitor which as of yet he has failed to do so I wonder if anything has been said to the DC, in combination with this book being given to her. It's lots of factors that are at play I think.

Never liked JW books for all the reasons you give OP. I didn't ban them, of course, but I didn't encourage them, didn't check them out of library or give them as gifts etc. So many parents seem to be itching for their children to grow up before their time, referring to their 10 year olds as 'pre-teens', buying JW for 7 year olds. And don't get me started on smartphones!

Absolutely have Jw books. My DD got given - couple at 7- we started reading one together and after a chapter and then reading through some more on my own I chucked them away. Wouldn’t want my dd at 7 knowing about any of those things- no need! She got give Lola rose at 9 and frankly after reading some I was horrified and chucked that too. Completely unsuitable for anyone under 14 IMO

My kids devoured them, so far they seem ok

But then I'd rather they read than endless video games

*hate not have

I don’t see an issue. I was reading them from the age of 7 upwards. I think it did me good to read about the struggles different children can face.

I wasn’t having a go at you @FakeTalesOfSanFrancisco. The point I was making is that, however resilient we might think our children are, it would be quite extraordinary if they were unscathed. I’d have been really worried if mine had shown no sign of being affected by having life disrupted. Even if everyone concerned behaves impeccably - and I couldn’t fault my ex’s behaviour - kids are scarred by this.

@Alsohuman I know you weren't. It's just brought it home to me what I'm up against tbh- I agree it has an effect no matter the circumstances but they tend to do best if they have parents who can behave decently and put them first. Sadly they don't even have that. The book is one small issue amongst a thousand things.

@Alsohuman I know you weren't. It's just brought it home to me what I'm up against tbh- I agree it has an effect no matter the circumstances but they tend to do best if they have parents who can behave decently and put them first. Sadly they don't even have that. The book is one small issue amongst a thousand things.