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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give notice to lodger after a night from hell with Police here three times

149 replies

Nutmeggy · 04/07/2020 18:45

I have a female lodger, generally been fine, been furloughed so.goes out for lots of long walks at night and I'm high risk to being very careful and WFH.

She came in last night about midnight aftwr a walk, all fine, both went to sleep.

Woken up at 2am by violent hammering on the door and shouting, she says o it's some random guy who has been following me.

Called police as i thought she meant a stalker.

Police came round. Then it turns out he is actually a guy she has been casually hooking up with for the last few weeks that she met in a park?. She tells police he assaulted her earlier that evening.

After police go, we both go back to sleep and I think i will talk to her in the morning. Lo and behold the guy comes back at 4am hammering and shouting , call police again.

He comes back again at 7.30am again screaming that he is going to.break down the door as she has stolen from him?

I'm getting different stories from her all the time but what massively scares me is that she is meeting random hookups whilst I thought she was being as careful as me as I have underlying health issue as she knows.

WWYD

OP posts:
Bbq1 · 05/07/2020 13:59

I think you should DEFINITELY change your locks when she leaves as she could make copies of your house key and be there when you're away.

Original poster
Nutmeggy · 05/07/2020 14:02

Hi, locks are security keys and you cannot copy them, had a chat earlier and I have her parents details and her work.details so of anything goes missing I will take further
She's pretty angry that she has to leave it turns out and thinks I am over reacting which says it all in my eyes

OP posts:
Original poster
Nutmeggy · 13/07/2020 12:07

Hi All,

Just after some advice again, lodger has found a new place , however this morning I received a reference request , questions

  1. Rent paid on time (no)
  2. Any neighbour complaint (yes)
  3. Any damage (also yes)

And a few others , not sure what to do, if I answer factually it's not a great reference but I don't want to jeopardise her new place

Can refuse to give a ref but doesn't that raise questions ?

Not sure what to do, if I give a false positive ref does the new landlord then get pretty unhappy if lodger acts up again

OP posts:
TheChiefJo · 13/07/2020 12:19

I'd refuse to give a reference. A negative one and they won't take her, a false positive and you're a liar. The refusal doesn't look good for her but I think it's safest from your point of view.

Comefromaway · 13/07/2020 12:21

I wonder if you could get away with sending a response that says

I confirm that x lodged with me in my private residence between the dates of. As this was an informal lodging arrangment, not a formal tenancy your questions are not applicable.

As I am shielding due to underlying health conditions it became unsustainable for x to continue living here as lockdown has relaxed due to the increased restrictions she would be subject to due to my health.

TheChiefJo · 13/07/2020 12:23

Yeah, do Comefromaway's suggestion and ignore any further requests.

Original poster
Nutmeggy · 13/07/2020 12:25

Perfect comefromaway thank you!

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 13/07/2020 12:26

What were the neighbour complaints.
Was that just the recent guy and police or other instances as well?
How late was she with the rent and how often?
What damage has she caused?

Wannabegreenfingers · 13/07/2020 12:31

Why is this even a question? Get rid.

RB68 · 13/07/2020 12:37

Do what they do at offices when someone is shit - just confirm the dates they were there and leave it at that

ArnoJambonsBike · 13/07/2020 12:50

@Wannabegreenfingers

I agree entirely. Why did you ask that question? It's completely irrelevant.

mencken · 13/07/2020 13:26

this is why landlords never believe the reference from the last landlord!

either be honest or just confirm dates. Do NOT lie to the next landlord, you wouldn't like it done to you.

if she ends up on the street, that's because choices have consequences.

WhoWouldHaveThoughtThat · 13/07/2020 13:52

Technically you're correct that security keys can't be copied but I've had one done (for myself) without any checks so I wouldn't rely on that fact. You don't always have to change the whole lock you maybe able to change the barrel.

Happynow001 · 15/07/2020 10:32

@WhoWouldHaveThoughtThat

Technically you're correct that security keys can't be copied but I've had one done (for myself) without any checks so I wouldn't rely on that fact. You don't always have to change the whole lock you maybe able to change the barrel.
Or just get an additional security lock fitted.

Also agree with giving a noncommittal "reference". The one suggested sounds good. Whatever happens, though, don't extend your lodger's stay in your home, even if it means she needs to make temporary arrangements in the interim.

AnotherEmma · 15/07/2020 10:38

You either give a truthful reference or none at all, I don't think Comefromaway's half reference omitting the truth is a good idea at all. It dodged the questions while also implying that shielding was the only reason for getting rid.

If you must say anything simply say that she lodged with you from x date to x date.

AnotherEmma · 15/07/2020 10:39

If they turn her down it's not your problem, she'll still have to move out by the date they gave her.

AnotherEmma · 15/07/2020 10:39

the date you gave her

lockdownparty · 15/07/2020 10:40

Do what they do at offices when someone is shit - just confirm the dates they were there and leave it at that

Tbf this is standard at most companies now whether the person was shit or not.

Happynow001 · 05/08/2020 14:55

Hello @Nutmeggy

Has your lodger left in a civil fashion yet? Hope everything has calmed down and you've had no more unwelcome visitors? 🌹

TempestHayes · 05/08/2020 15:41

I was reading the other day of drug-using thugs who become 'lodgers' in the homes of gullible people, then they beat them up, steal their money and basically take over the property.

So, you might have one. Time to get rid.

Emmelina · 05/08/2020 15:42

Give notice. It’s your home and health.

ArnoJambonsBike · 05/08/2020 15:56

Oh, for fucks sake. I think I'd rather deal with OPs lodger than multiple people who cant be bothered to read OPs updates from a fucking month ago.

Happynow001 · 05/08/2020 17:41

@ArnoJambonsBike

Oh, for fucks sake. I think I'd rather deal with OPs lodger than multiple people who cant be bothered to read OPs updates from a fucking month ago.
Well how rude you are!! Can't make allowances for technical failure then? I double checked and the final responses hadn't loaded on my phone. Have a nice day...
ArnoJambonsBike · 05/08/2020 18:09

No, @Happynow001, not you at all. You asked if she'd left yet. I'm really struggling to undestand how you thought my post was about you when your post was sensible and to the point, and not general arseholery like the two posts subsequent to yours who clearly believed their month after the fact opinions were worth hearing.

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