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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give notice to lodger after a night from hell with Police here three times

149 replies

Nutmeggy · 04/07/2020 18:45

I have a female lodger, generally been fine, been furloughed so.goes out for lots of long walks at night and I'm high risk to being very careful and WFH.

She came in last night about midnight aftwr a walk, all fine, both went to sleep.

Woken up at 2am by violent hammering on the door and shouting, she says o it's some random guy who has been following me.

Called police as i thought she meant a stalker.

Police came round. Then it turns out he is actually a guy she has been casually hooking up with for the last few weeks that she met in a park?. She tells police he assaulted her earlier that evening.

After police go, we both go back to sleep and I think i will talk to her in the morning. Lo and behold the guy comes back at 4am hammering and shouting , call police again.

He comes back again at 7.30am again screaming that he is going to.break down the door as she has stolen from him?

I'm getting different stories from her all the time but what massively scares me is that she is meeting random hookups whilst I thought she was being as careful as me as I have underlying health issue as she knows.

WWYD

OP posts:
monkeymonkey2010 · 05/07/2020 02:58

goes out for lots of long walks at night.... he is actually a guy she has been casually hooking up with for the last few weeks that she met in a park?.... screaming that he is going to.break down the door as she has stolen from him?........... I'm getting different stories from her all the time
Sounds to me like she's selling her 'personal services'....

he put her bank card through the door, I asked her why he had it and she said he stole it from my bag and has been using it for the last week
That'll be her pimp then.

I'd report your concerns to the police.
She could well be under his coercive control and being sold for sex.

Original poster
Nutmeggy · 05/07/2020 07:30

@monkeymonkey2010

I don't think she is being.sold for sex, I think it's an argument about weed which he thinks she has stolen but obviously don't.know for sure.

Admittedly though the bank card thing is strange , why would that mean he was her pimp?

Anyway he didn't come round again last.night which was a relief !

OP posts:
Lorddenning1 · 05/07/2020 07:58

@monkeymonkey2010

goes out for lots of long walks at night.... he is actually a guy she has been casually hooking up with for the last few weeks that she met in a park?.... screaming that he is going to.break down the door as she has stolen from him?........... I'm getting different stories from her all the time Sounds to me like she's selling her 'personal services'....

he put her bank card through the door, I asked her why he had it and she said he stole it from my bag and has been using it for the last week
That'll be her pimp then.

I'd report your concerns to the police.
She could well be under his coercive control and being sold for sex.

How can you jump that to this?
MsTSwift · 05/07/2020 08:02

Too much trouble get her out ASAP! Waiting for the virtue signalling posters to say that you should give her your house as that’s what they would do as would be”kind”.

Divebar · 05/07/2020 08:23

She’s certainly attracts drama doesn’t she? For me the main issue would be the changing story - being vague or evasive would tend to indicate that there’s something going on and you’re not getting the full story. It wouldn’t be an issue if it wasn’t attracting trouble to your house but apparently it does. If you had an agreement about shielding and she hasn’t kept to her side of that then that probably is enough to ask her to leave imo.

Original poster
Nutmeggy · 05/07/2020 08:27

@Divebar

Yes that it totally, it's the lying and evasive and changing stories. I really don't trust her any more and she is going.

I'm away in Sept and there is no way now I could feel happy about her being here on her own, who.would she bring back and would they steal from me etc..all these things not the weed or the walks mean she is going

OP posts:
TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 05/07/2020 08:33

I think you were generous giving her 4 weeks, she lies, is accused of stealing, yet the nasty guy has her card, she is smoking weed and having sex with people and coming back to the home of a vulnerable person...

At least start hiding the silver...

Charleyhorses · 05/07/2020 08:33

I'd put her out today and change the locks tbh
And I can be a right sucker for a sob story....

Original poster
Nutmeggy · 05/07/2020 08:37

Hi, I really can't put her out today! She needs time to.find somewhere to stay and is on holiday soon, so this is the best way

OP posts:
Backbackandforth · 05/07/2020 08:42

Ursaminor
@TinyPigeon:
Under section 5(6) of the Dangerous Drugs Act 1965.

This act hasn’t been in force for around 50 years.

The section you’re referring to is s5(b) not s5(6). Do you have a very out of date and slightly runny book Grin

The contemporary equivalent would s8 misuse of drugs act 1971. If you can show me any case where a person has been charged and convicted under s8 MDA as a result of them knowing about someone smoking weed in their house I would love to see it?

Happynow001 · 05/07/2020 09:12

@TheMotherofAllDilemmas

I think you were generous giving her 4 weeks, she lies, is accused of stealing, yet the nasty guy has her card, she is smoking weed and having sex with people and coming back to the home of a vulnerable person...

At least start hiding the silver...

All if that. Also this guy knows your address. If he comes back after she's left how will you convince him she's left your property for good, when he next tries to break your door down?!
Happynow001 · 05/07/2020 09:13

@TheMotherofAllDilemmas

I think you were generous giving her 4 weeks, she lies, is accused of stealing, yet the nasty guy has her card, she is smoking weed and having sex with people and coming back to the home of a vulnerable person...

At least start hiding the silver...

All if that. Also this guy knows your address. If he comes back after she's left how will you convince him she's left your property for good, when he next tries to break your door down?!
Original poster
Nutmeggy · 05/07/2020 09:21

Hi, as they are still in touch and she was out for hours last night I would imagine he will know that she is moving out by now!

I have bought a heavy duty lock for the front gate now and keep locked at night , I don't think now he will.be back if he ran after hearing sirens

OP posts:
GimmeAy · 05/07/2020 09:49

It's a pity that the woman is the one who has the repercussions as usual for a man's behaviour, but unfortunately, though I'd usually side with her as the victim, you really need to protect yourself too - especially as you say you're going to be away for a month soon - I too wouldn't trust her in my absence. Hopefully she'll find better company to keep in future. Whatever she's embroiled in it's not good for her, but it's not good for you either, so you're being very fair giving her a month's notice.

User8008135 · 05/07/2020 10:13

Thats often sadly true GimmeAy, victims get more crap then the perps sometimes too. however given she's still in contact with him now and possibly still out with him despite police advice she holds her responsibility here as well.

sixthtimelucky · 05/07/2020 10:38

I'd feel torn as I believe in a starting position of believing a woman if she says she's been assaulted however chaotic her behaviour and even if she's got form for lying.

However, you just can't live with this, especially as you are physically vulnerable so I don't think you should feel guilty for telling her she has to leave. She's putting you at risk in several different ways, so you need to put yourself first.

Hope you're ok x

AnotherEmma · 05/07/2020 10:44

Crazy to give her 4 weeks notice. That's far too much. I would have given 1 week (2 weeks max if I was feeling generous) and refunded her any rent paid in advance.

Lodgers are "excluded occupiers" because they live in your home so it is relatively easy to get rid of them. And rightly so, you can't be expected to continue allowing someone to live in your home if you don't feel comfortable with it.

I am not blaming the lodger for the man's behaviour, btw, but I would still ask her to leave because of her own behaviour - lying and smoking weed.

Original poster
Nutmeggy · 05/07/2020 10:45

Thank you! Yes relieved I made a decision and spoke to her yesterday.

She's not a bad person and I know she is bored and a bit skint during furlough so in the last few months I've done all I can to help, reduced rent, let her use deposit or most of it and been cooking for 2 most of the time but this last few days has been a shock, hate being lied to repeatedly and hand on heart I can't say she didn't steal from him, I don't know.

Anyway it's quite amicable though she is out alot and as she is on holiday soon she won't actually be here much.

She hasn't accepted she has done anything wrong and although she told the police she has been to this guys house and his friends house she still insists to me she met him outside and they socially distanced, as they have been having sex I don't think that's possible !

OP posts:
Original poster
Nutmeggy · 05/07/2020 10:49

@AnotherEmma I can't give her a weeks notice as she is away next week for 2 weeks , has a lot of stuff and it gives her no time to find anywhere else! Tempting though the thought is.

OP posts:
scoobydoo1971 · 05/07/2020 10:57

You sound like a really nice person with a big heart. Don't let that make you a victim to this tenant. You have to put yourself first, and take the social worker hat off...you are not responsible for her in any way! She will attract the wrong sorts of people to your home, and you have a basic right to feel safe in your own home. I don't think she will ever tell you the truth of what is going on, so protect yourself and your best interests. Change the locks, install cctv as you can get cheap tech off ebay and vet any further lodgers you accept. You may get debt collectors and loan sharks coming to your home after she leaves. Leave a sign on the door saying she no longer lives at the address, and get a CCTV sticker for the door. I installed CCTV in 20 mins at my home, and I feel much better for knowing it is recording what happens when we are out. It rings me if there is anything suspicious in terms of movement and I can access the camera images through my phone.

scoobydoo1971 · 05/07/2020 11:02

I just wanted to add that it is 'interesting' that she has money for holidays and drugs...yet is scrounging food etc off you because she is skint. You want to put yourself first, and make sure she is gone right away. Don't give her four weeks notice, it is not a legal requirement for lodgers. You may end up being assaulted or robbed by the dodgy associates and why should you have the stress of this girl in your life?

Original poster
Nutmeggy · 05/07/2020 11:09

@scoobydoo1971 I think it will be ok but thank you.

She smokes weed which I don't think costs alot not sure and her parents give her money also for holidays

I don't think there will be any more visits now as police presence would have scared the guy off and as they are now back.in touch I guess they have made up

OP posts:
Motoko · 05/07/2020 13:26

she still insists to me she met him outside and they socially distanced

He must have a very long cock!

onalongsabbatical · 05/07/2020 13:35

She's a bit skint.
You reduced her rent.
You cooked meals for her.
She's smoking weed.
One of these statements does not concur with the meaning and intentions of the other three, OP. You've heard of CFs no doubt?

Original poster
Nutmeggy · 05/07/2020 13:52

I love the long cock comment made me.laugh!!!!
She's deffo going as i can hear her in the garden ringing up letting agents loudly so.i can hear

OP posts:
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