Page 10 | Sister bought house and didn't tell me

IndieRo · 2020-07-04T11:09:23+00:00

So got a what's app picture from my sister last night with a picture of her new home. We speak most days so I was shocked and hurt that she never mentioned it. She said due to Covid 19 they didn't know what was happening but it's a brand new house so obviously viewed it and got mortgage before Covid-19. I'm just really hurt. Am I being unreasonable to think she should have told me.

Heyhih3 · 04/07/2020 19:58

I can understand where your coming from i think maybe the correct word would be it would have been nice for your sister to tell you, of course it would have. She choose Not to tell you and we don’t really know why.

I would just be a little bit more aware in future and I wouldn’t hold it against her but yes I would probably step back a little too because maybe it’s a hint? Hand on heart you would tell people close to you usually. Unless your sister doesn’t have that type of character and is quite private generally?
Just let it go! She will always be your sister.

Lweji · 04/07/2020 19:58

Because she has relied on you previously, maybe she just wanted you to be proud of her.
Don't take it personally.

NeutrinoWrangler · 04/07/2020 20:03

I agree that it's a bit strange... You could ask her why she kept it a secret "Wow, what a surprise! How exciting for you! Why didn't you mention you were buying a house?!" but if your relationship seems good otherwise, it's probably just as well to try not to dwell on it. It doesn't matter, really, does it?

pictish · 04/07/2020 20:04

And there we have it...the crux of the matter. Your mother is rocking the boat and the waves are being felt by you at the shore.
Aww. Have a virtual hug.

Original poster

IndieRo · 04/07/2020 20:10

So the background is this. Parents split when I was 12 and she was 5. Mother decided that we weren't her responsibility and resented having to pay the mortgage and look after us. . I got myself and younger siblings up for school, did breakfasts, lunch etc. Got home cleaned house and did dinner. I was the mother. She was of out. Our father died when I was 20 and sister was 13, mother moved house 2 weeks after his death... Didn't tell us until the removal van arrived. I lived in the new house for 3 months because mother made it unbearable. Constantly put me down and was nasty, couldn't turn heating on, she had an electric blanket, bought my own food even though I paid wages every week. I moved out with boyfriend, now DH. Sister came to live with us, mother was delighted. My sister lived with me from the age of 13 until the age of 24. I got no money from our mother, nothing. I supported her. Have encouraged and supported her constantly. I'm not interfering or jealous or anything else that has been thrown at me. I have been there for everything, good and bad. So yes I am pissed of and hurt and angry that I found out she had a bought a house without mentioning a word and by the way this is only the tolip of the iceberg. Her behaviour is not acceptable, end of.

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IndieRo · 04/07/2020 20:11

Tip not tolip

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pictish · 04/07/2020 20:14

Ok. I can feel your upset coming at me through your words. I really am sorry. I guess your sister wants your mum’s love and approval?

Bookaholic73 · 04/07/2020 20:17

It’s not about YOU.

TheGroak · 04/07/2020 20:17

I’m sorry for all you’ve been through OP, I truly am. I have a less than ideal family background and it’s the pits, it is and I sympathise. I still don’t see what your sister has actually done wrong though.

pictish · 04/07/2020 20:17

RTFT and hush up.

HeyAllYouCoolCatsNKittens · 04/07/2020 20:18

I'm seriously concerned with everyone's responses here saying that YNBU, because I think you are.

The fact you've come on here to say this and the fact she hid it from you tells me she did it for a reason, and you've reacted exactly how she may has suspected you would.
Are you one of those people who are damned if you do damned if you don't too hard to please?
She's an individual and has no reason to tell you. Stop being so silly.

TheGroak · 04/07/2020 20:20

Her mother has done a lot wrong but not her sister. Her sister has a right to keep whatever she likes private until she feels the need to do otherwise. So no, @pictish if that was aimed at me, I will not hush up. This is very clearly misplaced anger and hurt.

Maria1921 · 04/07/2020 20:44

If you spoke once a year than YABU.

However for her to keep her plans such big, life-changing plans back from you is really weird behaviour.

This nonsense about "didn't want to tell you till it was certain" does not wash. People who are so close that they speak every day share their hopes and dreams and plans for the future.

pictish · 04/07/2020 20:45

thegroak it wasn’t...the post previous to yours though.

TheGroak · 04/07/2020 20:47

Understood @pictish apologies, you are very right!

Lweji · 04/07/2020 20:48

If she keeps in contact with you every day, why do you think she kept this from you?
What do you think was her motivation?
And why do you think you should have known about it? (Other than that you took care of her and she owes you)

TheGroak · 04/07/2020 20:49

Not necessarily @Maria1921. I’m extremely close to my sister and I can think of several things to do with my life choices I hadn’t told her until I absolutely had to. I’m one of those people that like to hold things back until they are certain for fear of looking very stupid.

Runnerduck34 · 04/07/2020 21:09

Thats odd, I would be hurt too, strange thing to keep a secret even if she wasn't sure it would go through especially as you talk every day

StillCoughingandLaughing · 04/07/2020 21:31

So yes I am pissed of and hurt and angry that I found out she had a bought a house without mentioning a word and by the way this is only the tolip of the iceberg. Her behaviour is not acceptable, end of.

So without wishing to be unkind, why did you post? You’ve already decided your sister is in the wrong. Were you just hoping people would agree? Because most of them don’t.

Your sister is an adult. Start treating her like one.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 04/07/2020 21:32

RTFT and hush up.

‘Hush up’? Because she doesn’t agree with your stance? Really fucking rude.

Original poster

IndieRo · 04/07/2020 21:35

Yes my sister is an adult so she needs to act like one and be honest.

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IndieRo · 04/07/2020 21:38

I really don't think a lot of you really understand. I've raised her since she is 5, she texts me most days, she has involved me in her life. She calls me mam and yet I'm the vilian because I'm upset she didn't tell me. You people must have no close relationships with anyone.

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pictish · 04/07/2020 21:39

Who doesn’t agree with my stance?

Hush up was directed at the person who said “It’s not all about YOU” directly after the op had elaborated on her situation revealing that there was actually more behind her feelings than just being kept in the loop.
It’s not that rude.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 04/07/2020 21:42

I really don't think a lot of you really understand. I've raised her since she is 5, she texts me most days, she has involved me in her life. She calls me mam and yet I'm the vilian because I'm upset she didn't tell me. You people must have no close relationships with anyone.

Okay, you’re upset - I get that. But now you’re making massive assumptions. Nobody HAS to tell anyone anything. Your sister not telling you does not mean she’s not an adult.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 04/07/2020 21:47

Hush up was directed at the person who said “It’s not all about YOU” directly after the op had elaborated on her situation revealing that there was actually more behind her feelings than just being kept in the loop.

Yes - DIRECTLY after. For all you knew it was a post clash. And why say ‘RTFT’ if what you actually meant was read the post directly before hers? Couldn’t you have at least been polite enough to say ‘Have you read the previous post?’ rather than talking to her like a naughty child?