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Original poster

Fed up with MIL calling to the house non stop

410 replies

Rosiebelle17 · 03/07/2020 23:27

Hi I’m ready to explode
My mother in law calls non stop in person over 5/6 times every day
She calls at meal times bed times etc and will not go away , she calls when I have my own family and will not go away
I have tried pulling all the blinds but she keeps knocking and calling out
She knows I’m there as she sees my car outside the house
Someone please help me
I have two kids under 3 and the disruption is causing havoc
I asked my husband to tell her politely but he goes off on a rant that he will tell her stay away for good

OP posts:
rwalker · 04/07/2020 08:05

You can't go on like this take the bull by the horns using lock down is perfect example of how you have got in a good routine and kids settled .
No dropping hints just be direct .

Isthisit22 · 04/07/2020 08:09

@topoftheshops

I would tell her, "MIL, you come around far too much and I feel suffocated. You need to only come around when we have arranged it." Then give her a time e.g. 2pm on Sunday (ideally when DH is around).

If she turns up outside that, say, "MIL, what did we discuss yesterday/last week/two minutes ago? I can't let you in now. I'll see you on Sunday."

Then next time, "is there a reason why you're ignoring what I'm asking you to do?" Let her hopefully squirm.

Next step would be, "you are seriously interfering with my right to privacy and to enjoy my home. If if you carry on harassing me I will have no choice but to take further advice." Do not answer the door again ever.

I would also say to DH, "I have told you your mother is here 5-6 times a day banging on the door, disturbing me and the children. It is way too much. I am happy to see her once/twice a week/month (whatever you think) but I can't have this current situation continuing. You have so far refused to help. Why is that?" Let him hopefully squirm.

Then, "I think it would be better coming from you but if you don't tell her to back off, I will. Which would you prefer?"

Perfect response here. You deserve a life and privacy OP. If MIL is offended then hopefully she'll stay away--win win situation
VettiyaIruken · 04/07/2020 08:09

Given you've clearly told her to change how often/what times she calls round and she's ignored you, I'd ask her why she does it.

Why do you come round X times a day and stay for X hours when I have asked you countless time to (insert your requests). Tell her you don't understand. Push her to explain it. Don't let her fob you off, keep asking for her to explain her reasoning. Do this every time she comes round until she explains/changes.

Either she'll get the hump and strop off - success

Or she'll tell you and there may be information that is new to you and something you and your husband can help with.

You aren't asking a lot. It's not like you're saying never come here again. You're just asking for it to not be all day every day. That is not unreasonable of you.

Also, when your husband is home, every time she comes round, go out. You've got an appointment. You know they've not had a lot of time together so you know they'd love to just spend this time together whenever he's home because you just know how hard it must be to not get to see each other and it can't feel nice for her to spend more time with you than with her own son so you'll clear out of the way and give them some quality time oh and with the kids too. Bye. See you tonight.

Let's see how great it is when it's just him, looking after the kids and entertaining his mum all day, every day he's home.

My guess is it won't take long for there to be changes and it's worth the short term disruption for you. 😁

Nomorepies · 04/07/2020 08:18

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

Thatnameistaken · 04/07/2020 08:20

@mimisunshine has it bang on, get onto him every time she rings or calls.

Cooltalkin · 04/07/2020 08:27

Do u have a gate to your house ? If so lick it - with chain and padlock if needed then she can’t even get to your front door , don’t answer phone , unless she is very agile she won’t be climbing over the gate
Or tell her or move
Tbh I would move

LakieLady · 04/07/2020 08:28

Answer the door and tell her it's not convenient, and you're busy, please can she ring you and not keep just turning up.

Next time, "MIL, I asked you to ring before you turn up. I'm too busy for a visitor at the moment. Ring me to check it's a good time to visit before you rock up".

Third time, "What bit of "ring before you come" don't you understand? Now fuck off until you've learned some manners".

Mind you, I'm in the camp of MNers that often doesn't answer the door unless I'm expecting someone.

Cooltalkin · 04/07/2020 08:28

Well lick it if you want but I meant LOCK it ,, ooops

SallyWD · 04/07/2020 08:30

I would be nice but say "Please could you call before you come over? Sometimes I really need some quiet time in the house."

Aneley · 04/07/2020 08:31

I don't get why would OP need to go into direct confrontation and expose herself to yet more stress - this is clearly for her DH to solve. His parents - his problem, your parents - your problem.

He doesn't want to solve? Describe the consequences, in detail. Be serious and be ready to follow through if he fails to act.

User43210 · 04/07/2020 08:33

This would drive me mad. But why let her in? Open the door with your arm firmly on it. Don't let her weasel in and say "this is not a good time. If you call before showing up, I can let you know when is suitable"
Every day, multiple times?!

In regards to DH next time he says he will tell her not to come, tell him to do it! She may get hurt feelings (if he actually does it, which I doubt) but she will respect your boundaries more. He says it so you will back down, do not back down!!

I would also, in no unclear terms, tell my dh that if he doesn't sort his mother out, she shouldn't be coming over every day, never mind multiple times a day and especially without him there if you don't want her, that you will be moving, with or without him, and taking the kids. The ball is in his court. You have to be ready to do this, though! So make sure you have the money for a deposit for a short term place or a family member/friend that you can stay with, just so he doesn't call your bluff. I doubt it would go that far but I think you have to battle her extreme ways with your own!

Good luck and I'm curious to see how today goes. Tell her to stop looking through your windows, too, you don't want to be stalked and you have an expectation of privacy in your own house.

BreatheAndFocus · 04/07/2020 08:45

Why does she keep coming back? Is it because you don’t answer the door - hence her looking through the windows?

If so, you need to be clear: “MIL, I’m busy and I don’t want daily visitors - not even you. I think a couple of times a week [or whatever] is ok. How about Sat morning [hopefully your DP will be there?] and Wed afternoons? I’ll text you to confirm that’s ok each time. Please don’t come round unannounced and please don’t keep knocking or knocking on the windows. If we don’t answer the door to you, it’s because we’re busy not because we didn’t hear you”.

CaveMum · 04/07/2020 08:45

Good luck today OP.

Set your stall out, politely to begin with - “Now is not convenient, we need our family time/space. I’ll give you a call and let you know when is a good time for us.”

Then if she does it again, open the door and repeat “Now is not convenient. I will call you.” and shut the door.

Any subsequent visits, just ensure the doors are locked from the inside and ignore her.

You’ve got this! Show your children that people are not allowed to trample all over other people’s wishes.

DenseMatter · 04/07/2020 08:47

Seriously, I would move house and not tell her Grin

recycledbottle · 04/07/2020 08:47

Does your MIL think that she is the head of your family which is why she just ignores you? Some women do have this philisophy and you have to be very firm to put them in their place. I would refuse to answer the door and let her complain to your DH. She will know that your DH will side with her though. She wouldn't be acting the way she does unless she knew he would do nothing about it. Is there a culture issue here?

Brefugee · 04/07/2020 08:55

Move. Can you go and stay with your parents until your DH sees sense?

Isitbedtimeyet4 · 04/07/2020 08:57

Yeah I would open the door, on the chain so she can’t barge in, and just say now is not a good time and then shut the door if she tries to argue. You’ll have to do it every time you don’t want her in for her to get the picture.
I’m almost always very firm about bedtime, I’m not upsetting my children just because someone can’t respect that their bedtime routine is important to them! We move it for special occasions but they get so overtired and upset that it’s usually not worth it for them, so I feel for you there!

GoingBackTo505 · 04/07/2020 09:00

Develop "Covid symptoms" and tell her you're self isolating for two weeks.
Then after the two weeks, arrange a date and time for her to come round and if she turns up any other time say "oh god have I double booked myself? It's not the day we said you'd come is it?! I'm meeting Mary in the park, you just caught us on our way out the door". Keep doing that. Don't get into a full conversation about it. Or don't answer the door. Make up any old crap excuse if she asks why you didn't. It doesn't have to sound true.
Or let your DH tell her to stay away for good! Sounds like it would be better than how things are at the moment.

GoingBackTo505 · 04/07/2020 09:03

Out of interest, what does she do when she does come round? Is she playing with the kids? Is she lonely and wanting lots of company? What is it she wants?

LucyLikesDiamonds · 04/07/2020 09:07

This would drive me mad! I can totally understand though why you’ve felt you just can’t tell her straight, she’s your MIL, easier said than done.

Do you ever go over to her house? Perhaps you should turn the tables and spend a day calling on her 5 or 6 times, then pop over at say, 10:30pm or later, at the most inconvenient time! All tongue in cheek but very tempting.

MrsCollinssettled · 04/07/2020 09:10

Mimisunshine has given you the best advice. Make it Dh's problem. Ring him everytime she appears. Block MILs number and if she bangs on the window tell her to ring him.

Greenkit · 04/07/2020 09:11

WTAF that would drive me insane.

Open door...Nope, not today, bye

MrsCollinssettled · 04/07/2020 09:17

If he rings and tells you that you need to let her in because it's too disruptive for him being called at work, say no because it's too disruptive for you and the children. He will have to get it sorted.

Nanny0gg · 04/07/2020 09:21

Tell her it's not convenient. Shut the door.

Message her later with a date and time that is convenient.

When you want her to go home, tell her and usher her out of the door.

If she can be rude, I suggest you're ruder.

Cherrysoup · 04/07/2020 09:22

OP let’s her in because if she ignores her, she keeps knocking the door/windows.

OP, have you gone outside, told her no, asked her to go away? I would be raging at her. Daily would kill me, 5-6 times daily would turn me batshit.