Fed up with MIL calling to the house non stop

[Rosiebelle17]

Hi I’m ready to explode
My mother in law calls non stop in person over 5/6 times every day
She calls at meal times bed times etc and will not go away , she calls when I have my own family and will not go away
I have tried pulling all the blinds but she keeps knocking and calling out
She knows I’m there as she sees my car outside the house
Someone please help me
I have two kids under 3 and the disruption is causing havoc
I asked my husband to tell her politely but he goes off on a rant that he will tell her stay away for good

Op make use of her.
Oh mil can you clean the loo
Oh mil can you take this bundle of ironing
Oh mil that patch of garden needs weeded.
Oh could you hoover kids rooms

Anything you can think of get her to do it.

Rosiebelle17 I think I would sit down with her in her own home, or garden, and have a chat. The reason for her garden is you can leave when you are ready.

I would do as Serin suggests.

"I would ask her if she is ok/ has she got some sort of anxiety condition? as she constantly checks up on you, and actually it's making you quite anxious yourself and you cant relax anymore.
If she says yes, you could sign post her to her GP as a better person to help.
If she says no then you could say that you think the world of her but need some space..."

I would talk about respect for privacy and that she needs to be invited to come round. She may feel that that is not how she does things, maybe she would have loved her own mother in law to visit 5 times a day. Maybe talk to her about that but even if she would have loved that, or hated it but it happened, YOU are the mistress of your own home and you are busy with your kids and you need her to respect you.

Then I am afraid if/when she comes round uninvited you simply do not open the door to her.

I know everyone says it's your husband's place to tell her, and maybe it is, but he hasn't done that. And many times I've let other people do things that they did badly, and I wished I had simply done it myself.

You do not like her presence so you have nothing to lose, she has everything to lose here and so she needs to respect you.

I am so sorry she does this to you.
Put it in writing including when she is welcome and tell her that you will not let her in outside those times. Then you have to make it stick.

Give her set times/days she can visit. So tell her she can have a cuppa with you 3pm every day and watch the kids while you cook for an hour.

If she visits at a different time answer the door and stand in the doorway - block her entrance with your body. Say lightly ‘bit busy now, see you at 3pm’ and then close and lock the door. Repeat 200 times until the penny drops. Be really warm and polite and dismissive but also rigid and uncompromising. Do not explain yourself or get into discussions.

That's is your husbands mother your complaining about OP, she has not see you in weeks during lockdown, and to be blunt, she seems lonely.

I think you definitely need to tell your MIL to stop calling round, never mind what she might say. But why is she calling round all the time, what does she want. There isn't much point trying to hide from her, she needs to be told that she is annoying you, and being unreasonable. But your partner should tell her really,unless he is scared to do so.

The situation is quite bizarre and I honestly don't understand the woman. How old is she and does she have medical problems?

I would put the blinds down/close curtains, make sure no light is on that can be seen and behave as though I am not in; she could bang on the door as much as she liked, I'd not open it. It could be difficult if your children are making noise but keep them out the back during the knocking.

She does need to be told but I appreciate it is so difficult. You say your husband has a rant when you complain but surely he sees his mother's behaviour is not acceptable. Does he have any insight into 'why'? I understand it's awkward and embarrassing for him. Unfair though it seems, I think it will be down to you to deal with.

How I do not know. I wonder if she is the same with other people, if she has other people.

I see someone upthread said, "Move". Yes! That's not easy or quick but definitely an option.

Honestly I'd tell him it's her or me. I'd also ask her to fuck off. Her being offended is worth peace

You can’t keep opening the door when she knocks repeatedly or she will keep doing it.

Try calling her cell phone while she’s banging on the door and saying “I can’t come to the door, this isn’t a good time.”

I’d also tell her that if it doesn’t stop you are either moving or getting a divorce or both.

You're going to have to be the one that tells her. Your DH won't and doesn't care as he's not there.

Does she do it when he is there?

So she's been doing this since they were born and it's only bothering you now.
It will be hard to break the routine you have so readily encouraged. I'm not sure you can do anything now, maybe a few years ago.

@Rosiebelle17 is there a possibility she may have early signs of dementia? That repetitive and insistent behaviour sounds a bit like a red flag.

I wonder what’s going through her mind though.
Very odd behaviour to knock on someone’s door 5/6 times a day! Surely she realises she’s not welcome, especially when you close the blinds and try to ignore her.
I think you just going to have to not answer the door whatever happens.
Next time your dh says I’ll tell her to stay away for ever say yes please!

Lay down some rules for visiting. Effective immediately. If she doesn't follow them... Spend the next week knocking on her door through the night. 1am, 3am, 4 am... Whatever. And if she says a negative thing at all remind her that she's just as disruptive and you've politely asked her to stop.

If you're going to do it, now's the time! Tell her since lockdown the kids have a routine and her constantly popping will have to stop. A visit three times a week is enough (or whatever)

You do need to call DH bluff. Tell him he needs to deal with it, if he snaps back with the same childish retort just say calmly ‘that wasn’t what I meant but you need to handle it and if that’s the way you chose to do it that’s fine.’

This would drive me mad I think you either have to call your husbands bluff or move.

You sound very childish. Get a grip and put your foot down

She doesn't sound childish at all to me. She sounds worn down

And to be fair, if I were being harassed in this manner, I'd feel worn down too. I actually think you need to tell your DH that he either sorts it or you will explode at her. YourDH is actually awful for manipulating you like he is. The fuck he would put up with it all the time. Maybe start with a rule that she can only come over when hes at home?

My mum was like this, one day she walked across 10 times on a hot summers day. My husband had had enough he said I had to say something. It took a lot of courage, but I did tell her, she totally didn’t get it burst into tears and didn’t speak to us for two weeks. They then put their house up for sale and moved a mile away, much better, but still called a lot. I used to lock the door ,take the kids upstairs and let them have a bath, still don’t think they got the message though, she used to complain the door was always locked and if I was going out she would prefer if I told her ! 🤦🏼‍♀️

Your dh perhaps is only shouting like this because he knows you’ll calm him down, get him to back off and he will then have to do nothing again. He sounds scared to say anything as he knows his mum won’t take it well and is being dramatic. It’s a stalling tactic and it’s been working a treat. Everyone gets what they want... apart from the one having to actually cope with the situation.

I’d love to know how you ended up living so close.

Good luck OP. Be firm, as you’ve had some great advice on this thread.

@Rosiebelle17

Thanks for your reply Yes today is the day 😊 I will do this as I have to keep the routine as it’s been so beneficial Many thanks for all the replies

What is today?

You need to move.

I had the same issue. Mil always came first. He was a real mommas boy. We are divorced now.