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Original poster

Fed up with MIL calling to the house non stop

410 replies

Rosiebelle17 · 03/07/2020 23:27

Hi I’m ready to explode
My mother in law calls non stop in person over 5/6 times every day
She calls at meal times bed times etc and will not go away , she calls when I have my own family and will not go away
I have tried pulling all the blinds but she keeps knocking and calling out
She knows I’m there as she sees my car outside the house
Someone please help me
I have two kids under 3 and the disruption is causing havoc
I asked my husband to tell her politely but he goes off on a rant that he will tell her stay away for good

OP posts:
Weenurse · 04/07/2020 00:04

At bed time, tell her she needs to go and get on with your routine.
When she interferes, just tell her that this is why you don’t want her around at bed time and again that she needs to go.
When she then pops up on the door step, don’t let her in, she did not go when you asked her to, the DC did not settle. So she can’t come in as she upsets the routine.
Let her know you developed a routine during lockdown and you need to stick to it, you will see her Sunday. Repeat as you close the door in her face.
Being polite is not going to get you anywhere.

Weenurse · 04/07/2020 00:04

Also let her know you are looking to move.

AbsolutePleasure · 04/07/2020 00:05

Move - don't tell her where to.

Lollypop4 · 04/07/2020 00:05

I don't understand why you have'nt told her, clear enough to the point, thwt she doesnt come over.

Simply tell her "Please stop comong over, I will phone you when its convienient for us" .
If she still carries on, I would genuinely say, you are harrasing us and I will seek advice if it carries on.
I would'nt move and I would'nt hide IN YPUR OWN HOME!!!

Pantsomime · 04/07/2020 00:05

Next time she leaves tell her you won’t be letting her in the house again until x day at x time as the children had got into a really good routine during lockdown and their behaviour/ tiredness etc has got worse. Hold her wrists, look her in the eyes and say - I need you to help me with this routine by not coming Round again before x time on x day. If you do I won’t be able to acknowledge you are there and won’t be answering the door”.

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/07/2020 00:06

As always.... a husband problem as much as a MIL problem.

It doesnt bother him as he is never there to deal with it.

Every time she calls round, ring him. Put her on the phone to him. When he is the one being disturbed then he will get it.

BackforGood · 04/07/2020 00:06

Seriously, if she is that unaware, then hints aren't going to work.

I wouldn't try and hide, I would open the door and say "It isn't convenient for you to come round today. You can come tomorrow at 11 until they go down for their nap at 1 (or whatever suits you)".

..... and mean it. Shut the door.

Repeat. If she starts peering through your window, specifically state that you do not want her to do that. Tell her, if you do not answer the door it is for a reason. If she does it again, go out and confront her - as in "What the hell do you think you are doing ? I've already told you that is unacceptable behaviour". If she persists, you HAVE to let her know you are serious, even if it means threatening to call the police.

I'm unusual on MN in that I like people popping in / unexpected visits. I generally also have sympathy for a lot of MiLs that are complained about on here, but she clearly has no reading of social situations and no boundaries, so you have to spell it out.

Splitsunrise · 04/07/2020 00:06

She doesn’t care that she’s acting rudely towards you, why should you care if you upset/are rude to her? I know it’s tough but you have to

Lollypop4 · 04/07/2020 00:08

You could also put a big note up on your door
"MIL,
I will call you when it is convienient to see us, Do not knock on door.

0963158b · 04/07/2020 00:08

Does she come for the kids? If so why not encourage her to take them to her place.

Bloody hell. Perhaps because she wants her l to raise her own children?!

Fedup21 · 04/07/2020 00:10

Why is it that she’s been doing this for years but it’s only just got to you today?

I would have told her to fuck off the second time she did it.

I would explain calmly to my husband that if he didn’t sort it, I would.

Original poster
Rosiebelle17 · 04/07/2020 00:12

I have rang my husband after she goes away to come home as the kids by then are over tired and screaming their heads off
His answer then is I will tell her stay away for ever , as pleasant as that sounds I want a middle ground where the kids know their grandmother as my own mother died before they were born

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 04/07/2020 00:14

Yep....DH problem....

He's a prick. Dump him, lose the MIL, win/win

Original poster
Rosiebelle17 · 04/07/2020 00:14

I think it got to me today as I only realized how peaceful it is without her calling non stop when she started calling again

OP posts:
crosseyedMary · 04/07/2020 00:15

Are you going to actually take control of the situation OP?
because that is the only way

WatchingFromTheWings · 04/07/2020 00:15

I need a strategy to stop it

Lean out the the upstairs window and tell her to fuck off?? 🤷‍♀️ not helpful

Totally sympathise. My ex mil worked right across the street. She knew exactly when I was or wasn't in as her desk was next to the upstairs window so she could see me come and go and could see if my car was there. She called in 3 times a day mon-fri. I ignored her once. Just hid out of site. It never got any better. I don't miss her. I'd definitely move.

Alexandernevermind · 04/07/2020 00:15

I agree with BackforGood.
Rosiebelle17, this is your life, your home, your family; take charge of it.

DotDotDotty · 04/07/2020 00:16

Do you think your DH would actually go no contract with her? Or is he just saying that to get a reaction of of you, where you feel you have to continue letting her in?

Original poster
Rosiebelle17 · 04/07/2020 00:17

I doubt he would go no contact
I think he just says that to drive me mad

OP posts:
DopamineHits · 04/07/2020 00:18

Is he ranting about you, or her? Is it "She's too domineering and nosy and I'm going to put a stop to it", or "If you want me to drive my own poor mother away and you're happy to have that on your conscience I'll go and tell her right now!"

Pantsomime · 04/07/2020 00:19

Just read your last post - you can’t hide behind this you have to say it’s bedtime, you can see the DCs are breaking down I’m putting them to bed now I need you to leave.

Original poster
Rosiebelle17 · 04/07/2020 00:20

I think you hit it nail on the head with you want to drive my poor mother away

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 04/07/2020 00:22

@Rosiebelle17

I think you hit it nail on the head with you want to drive my poor mother away
"no, I want YOU to drive your mother away"
Original poster
Rosiebelle17 · 04/07/2020 00:22

To be honest she getting in at all does the damage , they don’t want to go to bed then and act up , I’m just weary 😩

OP posts:
BananaPop2020 · 04/07/2020 00:23

God, I absolutely could not put up with that. I feel for you.

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