Children camping alone in garden - AIBU

[UserA]

A close friend has asked if my dc, aged 10, 12 & 13 would like to camp in her garden (socially distanced of course!) with her dc, both aged 11 - but alone, with the parents sleeping in the house. Apparently her dc have done it a few times over lockdown. I was fairly surprised and I don’t think I’d feel comfortable with mine sleeping outside alone. We both have fairly large gardens which aren’t particularly enclosed, as in not backing onto other houses as such. Recently there have been some sexual assaults/flashing episodes in the area, which makes me even more uneasy.. dc obviously annoyed that I haven’t agreed! So, AIBU - would you agree to them camping out alone?

I know my thoughts about Sophie Hook aren’t sensible, if one is looking at statistics, but hey ho. My dc have had loads of freedom in other ways living where we live, in the middle of nowhere in Cornwall. There really isn’t anything wrong with a grown up being nearby with them (as long as it’s not me )

I did this as a child (12 ish ) with a friend . It was a gazillion years ago , but I do remember is going on walkabout in the streets in our eighties and dressing gown hiding ourselves behind cars if anyone /another car came past. Would I let my kids do it now ? Nope.

@Dorobie

I’m from Llandudno, so for that reason I eon’t be letting my dc camp out.

What's wrong with Llandudno? Am I being thick?

No, never.

Nothing is ever 100% safe and yes we don't stop driving in cars, going to the shops etc. because something might happen.

I'd just rather not take risks I don't have to though. Yes, they'd enjoy it, but to me no that wouldn't be worth the risk of something potentially devastating no matter how small that risk is.

I remember a mum friend when DC1 was small, lovely brilliant mum but she would always let her DC run ahead on the pavement, cycle ahead on a little balance bike and just trust that he would stop at a crossing etc. aged about 4. While I was always paranoid about hand holding, etc. Her DC was very sensible and no doubt was learning about assessing that risk far better than I was letting my DC at that age, but I remember him skidding to a stop one time RIGHT at a pavement edge and thinking 'There is a tiny chance of a car mounting a pavement here today or a driver being distracted, but if it did happen, my DC would be ok and her DC would be the one people would be saying about - 'Such a freak accident... thousand to one chance...' etc. And that really summed it up for me.

I wouldn’t allow it, personally.

Logically I know that the awful, unthinkable things are so incredibly rare (thankfully) but I grew up in Walton on Thames and was in my late teens when Milly Dowler went missing and to be frank, it completely shit me up and continues to until this day.

The chances of anything happening is miniscule but it would play on my mind and make me anxious.

Not thick supermum but I’m guessing you didn’t google Sophie Hook.

I wouldn’t google it, it will never leave you.

Nor should it.

Oh I see. Yes I know about Sophie Hook, it was absolutely tragic. But I wasn't aware of the location, I just knew it was on the coast. I can see that if you lived locally to a tragedy such as that it would make you extra cautious. I thought from the post that there was a particular problem with Llandudno iyswim.

No need for me to Google it. I know what happened.

My DD 9 camps in the garden herself all the time, I do however live in a VERY safe place with zero crime, you couldn't really be safer than where we are. I wouldn't be keen in a city though.

No way without an adult. And not at all with a sex pest in the area. We've done it but put the tents together on the lawn (adults tent too) and took turns to stay awake, even though our garden is remote and secure. It also helps if someone needs help or a friendly chat in the night, as it can be a bit scary for kids to camp out.

My DD has had a few sleepover parties. 12 was the first time I let them sleep out on their own (about 4 or 5 girls) They definitely wouldnt have wanted me there anyway. I sleep very lightly and heard them chatting most of the night anyway.

Of course I would let them. 13? When I think of the things I was doing at 13 ...

Our garden backs onto and is enclosed by other gardens with high hedges at the back.

Jesus, just looked up Sophie Hook. Awful, despicable crime... but 25 years ago! I let mine camp at that age.

Excuse my typos up thread !

I personally would be happy for a group of five DC to camp out ... my DS used to camp out on his own, DH & I were Scout Leaders years ago & it was very usual for patrols of DC to go off on expeditions on their own,, the oldest would have been 14.

Nothing in life is totally risk free.

The Sophie Hook think is horrible, but if it had been a story about a child abducted from their own bedroom would we stop letting children have their own bedroom? How about children abducted from school?

I'm not saying allow it or don't allow it, but you can't base a decision on the mere possibility that something could happen as that would stop you doing anything ever.

I feel sick even thinking about letting my kids do that.

I mean, they won't be alone, there would be 5 of them.
If I were asked, and thinking about my garden (enclosed) and my area - then I'd risk assess it and probably say yes.
However
You have said We both have fairly large gardens which aren’t particularly enclosed, as in not backing onto other houses as such. Recently there have been some sexual assaults/flashing episodes in the area so there are 2 reasons why, when you risk assess it for your dc, you'd probably come up with a different answer, as would many of us.

The terrible, terrible cases that people have referred to were awful. No-one is denying that, but the fact people remember them from so many years ago, and the fact they were such headline news, is because they were really rare things to happen. That's how 'news' works. People are killed and horrifically injured in RTAs every day, they never get a mention on the news - ditto accidents at work - ditto stabbings. Those very individual cases should be taken for what they are.

I'm on the fence because only the week before poor little Sophie was so cruelly taken, my DD had camped in our garden with friends, with me asleep on the sofa and I am an incredibly light sleeper, the door was ajar and I hear everything.

However, what happened affected me deeply as my DD was exactly the same age, it was horrific and I beat myself up about being so upset at what had happened, because my DD was safe. And little Sophie wasn't.

I have no idea what I would do now

No way. Because of Sophie Hook. I googled because on mn few years back. I read the wiki. I've never felt the same about camping ever since. Just no. I won't let my kids camp alone. Ever.

Nope. I'd be ok with older teens but not that age.

I have and would. My dbro once spent a whole summer in a tent in the garden.
But we have always had enclosed gardens/lockable gates/left back door key with them/left windows open.