Children camping alone in garden - AIBU

[UserA]

A close friend has asked if my dc, aged 10, 12 & 13 would like to camp in her garden (socially distanced of course!) with her dc, both aged 11 - but alone, with the parents sleeping in the house. Apparently her dc have done it a few times over lockdown. I was fairly surprised and I don’t think I’d feel comfortable with mine sleeping outside alone. We both have fairly large gardens which aren’t particularly enclosed, as in not backing onto other houses as such. Recently there have been some sexual assaults/flashing episodes in the area, which makes me even more uneasy.. dc obviously annoyed that I haven’t agreed! So, AIBU - would you agree to them camping out alone?

[Ellie56]

As soon as you mentioned camping in the garden I thought of Sophie Hook. I can't believe it's 25 years ago. That poor child.

[Leaannb]

All of my children have done it

[chomalungma]

The problem is and I’m saying this gently and kindly, no parent does until it happens to them

There is a risk when they walk to school.
When they go to the shops.
Play outside.

We don't live in a risk free world and we have to balance risk vs cotton wool.

Children need to have fun, gain independence and develop self confidence. That comes with risk. But it also comes with a lot of gain

[june2007]

Don,t let your kids walk home from school, Don,t let them go to parks.
Don,t let them camp in the garden.
Ermm hang on what do we let them do. Most abuse happens by people already known to children. Strangers attacking children in the night in gardens is very rare.

[Serin]

No I wouldnt agree to this.
I believe camping is great for kids and
Ours have slept out from age 7, but with Dad in the adjacent tent and the dog roaming around.
There have already been reports of a flasher and sexual assaults in your area.
Just say you arent comfortable with it.

[Waitingandwaitingandwaiting]

Was going to say Sophie Hook. Not in a million years. We do several garden sleep outs and I always sleep out with the kids and am still terrified that someone will manage to take them from the tent when I’m asleep.

[Evelefteden]

I would if the garden was completely enclosed. If there was any possible access where some one could get in - no

[zingally]

No way.

Mine are currently far too little for that, but I wouldn't allow it at 11-ish. No chance.

[darkcaramel]

Well, I wouldn’t be letting a five year old walk to school or go to the shops unaccompanied!

There’s certainly a process and it’s very hard to pinpoint exactly when independence should be granted. But I do think some parents can be a bit flippant with the ‘ooh it won’t happen here, it is a quiet village.’

[Evelefteden]

Poor Sandy Hook I live in that area and never heard of her. Just awful.

[darkcaramel]

I know Madeleine McCann wasn’t camping but it’s a similar sort of setup.

Once someone gets wind of the fact there are vulnerable children unsupervised they are in danger. I am sorry, I know that is awful to think of. But it is also true.

[Norabird]

I think it depends on how secure the garden is. Ours is surrounded by 6ft+ walls/fence and has locked gates. A small tent would only be visible from the upstairs windows of about 3 houses. I'd probably let mine camp if they asked (not much danger of that). I wouldn't in a less secure garden or one that was visible from a public road or path.

I'm old enough to remember Sophie Hook.

[Notcoolmum]

Yes I would in a group and with mobile phones. Sounds like an adventure.

[AtaMarie]

Mine did this earlier in the lockdown, they’re 6 and 8 and we were metres away from them in our bedroom, with the door open.

I’m in NZ where children have more independence at an earlier age. I was going into the bush and camping with friends by the time I was 13.

[PeppermintPasty]

I’m afraid poor Sophie Hook has never left me ever since I read about her quite some time ago.

I am all for children doing this, but especially with what you say about your area atm, it would be a no from me.

I live in a very rural location, we did this at my house with loads of kids aged about 10, but one of the kid’s dads, poor sod, was volunteered to camp out with them. He’s a good sport, so he did, he stayed in a tent with the little brothers and sisters, while the 10 yo boys (about 12 of them) all stayed in a huge tent together, (and I was in the house in my lovely bed). Could you not volunteer a parent to do the same?

[NotNowPlzz]

I know Madeleine McCann wasn’t camping but it’s a similar sort of setup. Not at all. The MM flat was on a public road. MM was three years old.

[Magicshoppingtrolley]

In the circumstances you’ve described no. I have let DD sleep out by herself but our garden is fully enclosed on all sides by families (6 ft fence and tall bushes) and there is no access to our garden without going through the house . We left the back doors unlocked and DH slept on the sofa. I did the same in similar circumstances at her age. Village, very low crime rate.

[ItsSpittingEverybodyIn]

I wouldn't allow I don't think. But how do you socially distance in a tent?

[PuddyMuddles4]

My DTDs (11) have camped out in the back garden loads of times over lockdown. On those nights I tend to stay awake 'till about 4am as I'm a bit worried. But... and this is a big but... we live on an air force base with military vehicles patrolling at all hours. If we were anywhere less safe I don't think I'd allow it.

[darkcaramel]

It’s the ‘unsupervised’ aspect of it. She wasn’t from Chester, either.

[MsTSwift]

The Sophie Hook murder occurred in 1995. 25 years ago - one case.

[OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea]

Mine have camped in the garden with friends at similar age and alone just because they wanted to.

Sometimes crap happens and yes it is shit and yes you'd spend the rest of your life wondering. But kids also get taken and killed on the way to school so.....

You can't base your whole life on the what if.

[RootBeerFloat43]

Never heard of Sophie Hook before - I'm in tears. That poor child.

[darkcaramel]

I know.

I know there are hundreds, thousands probably, of happy children who did this and grew to tell the tale. I did.

But I couldn’t risk it. I couldn’t risk a child of mine being terrified and subjected to agonising humilities before being murdered and in some cases the parents having to wait months and years before finding out what happened. So I understand it’s a small risk but with such huge stakes I couldn’t.

[BlusteryLake]

I would not let my children camp in the garden alone. There has been a spate of burglaries where intruders access the garden with the intention of smashing bifold doors to the kitchen. I would worry such an intruder would panic and hurt them if they were disturbed.