Children camping alone in garden - AIBU

[UserA]

A close friend has asked if my dc, aged 10, 12 & 13 would like to camp in her garden (socially distanced of course!) with her dc, both aged 11 - but alone, with the parents sleeping in the house. Apparently her dc have done it a few times over lockdown. I was fairly surprised and I don’t think I’d feel comfortable with mine sleeping outside alone. We both have fairly large gardens which aren’t particularly enclosed, as in not backing onto other houses as such. Recently there have been some sexual assaults/flashing episodes in the area, which makes me even more uneasy.. dc obviously annoyed that I haven’t agreed! So, AIBU - would you agree to them camping out alone?

@wherethewildthingis

Would you leave your mobile phone in a tent in the garden overnight? An IPAD?

I think when you answer that question, you have your answer to whether you would leave your child there.

This is such a good point. I think I would only allow it in an enclosed, safe garden. I'd want to be there though, i.e. In the house. I don't think I'd get a wink of sleep if it was at someone else's house. My daughter is only 3 though so it's hard to imagine. A pp said the risks are low but the stakes are high. Also a great point.

Not every child would enjoy it either so they aren't missing out. I'd sooner have chewed my limbs off than go camping as a child and I still feel that way. I tried it once as an adult and it was awful. And a stranger unzipped my tent in the middle of the night and came in. Give me a hotel any day.

I wouldn't deliberately leave my iPad in a tent in the garden, as in 'oh, it's bedtime, I'll just put my iPad in the tent before I go to bed'. But for the first few weeks of lockdown, we had a tent in our garden and there was all sorts of stuff left in it overnight, including iPads, because it never occurred to me to check what was in there before I went to bed.

My kids didn't actually want to sleep in the tent, and I wouldn't let the 8 year old do it alone or with friends. But if the 13 year old wanted to do it with friends I wouldn't give it a second thought. There's a huge difference between those two ages.

Sophie Hook‘s death was a tragedy, but it was an exception and it’s not logical to let it dictate your actions now. In the period since her death many children have died in car accidents, yet we still take our children on non essential car journeys without a thought.

Let them camp!

I would let a group of children at that age but probably not much younger.

I think it's up to us as parents to make that assessment, depending on the children, the area etc.

I'm really surprised that so many people would say no, especially the ones basing their decision on a 25 year old murder.

I would, and have, let mine camp out. Sometimes in fields, not just back gardens. But it totally depends on where you live surely?

With reference to the guides camping, I imagine they do still let them camp alone. My friend signed her ds up to beavers when he was still 5, and within a couple of months he was off over a 100 miles away camping overnight without parents, for me this is far far too young to let relative strangers take your very young child away like that. I can't imagine school arranging that, at that age. Scouts, guides etc seem to have their own ideas.

@ItsSpittingEverybodyIn

With reference to the guides camping, I imagine they do still let them camp alone. My friend signed her ds up to beavers when he was still 5, and within a couple of months he was off over a 100 miles away camping overnight without parents, for me this is far far too young to let relative strangers take your very young child away like that. I can't imagine school arranging that, at that age. Scouts, guides etc seem to have their own ideas.

Wow that young. Yea I wouldn’t like that at all.

all ComemosZanahorias

I'm sure they wouldn't, because what happened to you in the 90s sounds all kinds of wrong, and back when I was doing mine in the 1970s, we could only arrange to do ours when there was a another unit camping - we were off in one corner of the field, with an arrangement to call on the leaders of the main campers if something went badly wrong.

We had to pitch a loo tent and one for ablutions, but were allowed to use the actual facilities in the cabin, but weren't meant opto interact with anyone whilst doing so. Leaders (and leaders' husbands roped in for the task) sat up in shifts and patrolled at intervals during the night. Our leader called in from time to time to check we were surviving and had met the badge standards.

One highlight was getting invited over to the main camp for hot chocolate and campfire singsong!

TL:DR - guidecamps inc patrol camps have had overnight supervision since at least 1970s, even if some didn't meet that standard

our garden has zero access is entirely enclosed and surrounded by other gardens.

So is ours but if we didn't have a dog to alert us we would be unaware of the frequency of opportunists checking our doors at night. We live in a quiet area and would never have suspected this at all.

I think it will depend on the situation and while some people will feel it's safe, if other peoples circumstances or location is different then the risks will be different.

I wouldnt leave my phone (I dont have an ipad) outside in the car or in a tent because that is an easy thing for people to grab in opportunist burglary. I live in a nice area but every week there are posts on the local fb page of people breaking into cars, usually for loose change. Sometimes bags are taken but usually discarded somewhere else. That's a completely different level of crime to abducting a child. In the 15 years I have lived here, thankfully no one has reported that.

Like I said in a previous post I have let my teen DD sleep out with friends from the age of 12. I could still hear them talking most of the night and i checked in at 3am (i sleep v lightly and usually wake lots during the night) there have been at least 4 of them each time. When they were younger I slept out with them.
I dont think its comparable to MM as the families met several times during the week at the same time (in a public place) so anyone around/watching (whatever their intentions were) would recognise a pattern, and know what time there would be lone children unattended. In an enclosed back garden situation, a potential abuser wont neccessarily know which gardens to target.

I remember doing this as a kid with my friends at sleepovers. I think because there are 5 of them that would make me feel less anxious about it. Maybe you could have a chat with their parents, they might be planning on doing regular checks on the kids themselves?

The comments about opportunistic burglars and being worried about that is surprising.

I would imagine that any opportunistic burglar who came across a bunch of excited 10 - 13 year olds probably sleeping but sensitive to any noise in the garden would run a mile rather than run the risk of disturbing people.

There have been some very rare tragedies - look at Ben Needham in Greece. Yet people still take their children on holiday and don't always have their eyes on them.

How do you know that? A lot have serious drug addictions and alcohol problems. In any case I would not want to bump into a stranger in the middle of my garden on a trip to the loo.

How do you know that

Burglars are put off by things that make them more likely to get caught. Anything that makes it harder.

A bunch of children camping is going to put a burglar off - and then find somewhere easier to burgle.

But still a potentially frightening experience for a young child.

If they had a dog in the tent then maybe otherwise not a chance.

But still a potentially frightening experience for a young child

True - but I suppose it depends on the children, their maturity, the number of them and the chances of there being an opportunistic burglar who can get into the back garden easily for access.

I would imagine that any opportunistic burglar who came across a bunch of excited 10 - 13 year olds probably sleeping but sensitive to any noise in the garden would run a mile rather than run the risk of disturbing people.

The burglars who stumbled across my friend and I at 8(in a home, alone) didn't run away immediately. They continued to grab goods. Luckily they weren't interested in harming us but it was still terrifying and some burglars might be more aggressive about it. Also considering how many people who have a history of sexual assault/rape also have a long history of burglary on their record, I wouldn't feel too happy about leaving my child exposed to any prowler.

We aren't always talking about a group of children too. People have mentioned a single child sleeping out in the garden.

I wouldnt leave my phone (I dont have an ipad) outside in the car or in a tent because that is an easy thing for people to grab in opportunist burglary. I live in a nice area but every week there are posts on the local fb page of people breaking into cars, usually for loose change. Sometimes bags are taken but usually discarded somewhere else. That's a completely different level of crime to abducting a child. In the 15 years I have lived here, thankfully no one has reported that.

3 times over the years, I've dropped a mobile phone in a public place (in woods, getting out of a car, slipped out of pocket down the road). 3 times, I've got the phone back because it was handed in safely to a nearby public building. It's not something I choose to do!

People try front door/ car handles because there's a low risk way of getting a decent chance of some reward. There are more petty thieves around than preditory perverts who target strangers in real life.

Most perverts are not going to want to leave the comfort of their computer screen in order to scale fences in the hope of finding tents and hoping they contain the demographic that will meet their filthy urges and carry out their horrific crimes unnoticed. It's high risk and a low chance of sucess. Can anyone cite that it has actually happened, because even with Sophie Hook, the filthy scum did not do it as an opportunistic crime, he was aware that there were children to target and was accessible from a right of way.

Without the internet, how many people would recall that particular crime? I was 14 when it occurred and vaguely remember it in the news. It wouldn't even be on the radar of many people under 35 without google to keep bringing it back up.

A friend let her DS do this for a sleepover tent party. The kids went out and were knocking on neighbours' doors late at night for 'fun'. This was in the USA where someone could easily have thought they were up to no good and got their shotgun out.

Just six weeks ago I had to call the police because two men were in my neighbour's garden(Jumped a high wall). They were pretty determined to get in to their conservatory. Perhaps if they stumbled upon a sleeping child in the garden they'd have ran off but I wouldn't bet on it and even if so it'd be pretty traumatic to find yourself outside and vulnerable with two intruders.

I would definitely allow this and would have done if they were a little younger eg 9-11 . My children never wanted to before senior age although they occasionally did from 11/12 and up. More usually they planned to sleep in the garden and then changed their minds. I would have thought it was much safer than eg letting them walk to the bus stop or the shops which they also did from 9 plus. If they felt comfortable and I did also I would generally say yes to new freedoms. They weren't particularly adventurous however.

I wouldn’t have a problem with it. My dd did this for the first time at 12 (3 of them in a tent in the garden). It honestly wouldn’t even occur to me to worry about a burglar/child snatcher climbing the fence. It worries me how little freedom some parents give their dc these days and how much anxiety about incredibly rare occurrences is passed on to them. There’s a reason this generation of children/teens is more anxious than previous generations, and it’s obvious why reading some of these replies.

My 7 and 10 year old have camped out alone this lockdown. I was supposed to be sleeping with them, but my mat kept deflating and so I gave up and came back in. Left the back door unlocked obviously and slept in my own bed. Our garden is enclosed, my kids aren't idiots, we camp a lot. It didn't even occur to me to be anxious

I've run Duke of Edinburgh expeditions as a teacher and there aren't teachers around, we check on them at various points, but the whole point is that they are supposed to do it alone. Ours always camped on farm field type camps where they might be the only ones.