Children camping alone in garden - AIBU

[UserA]

A close friend has asked if my dc, aged 10, 12 & 13 would like to camp in her garden (socially distanced of course!) with her dc, both aged 11 - but alone, with the parents sleeping in the house. Apparently her dc have done it a few times over lockdown. I was fairly surprised and I don’t think I’d feel comfortable with mine sleeping outside alone. We both have fairly large gardens which aren’t particularly enclosed, as in not backing onto other houses as such. Recently there have been some sexual assaults/flashing episodes in the area, which makes me even more uneasy.. dc obviously annoyed that I haven’t agreed! So, AIBU - would you agree to them camping out alone?

No. I'm a teacher and situations like Duke of E are not comparable. They have teachers and leaders. From a safeguarding, risk assessment viewpoint I would deem it unsafe.

Every single school trip has pages upon pages of safeguarding material which is useful to apply mentally. Would I as a teacher allow students to camp outside alone, not a chance.

I dont get posters saying "but my area is safe", there is no such thing as a safe place. None so you have to weigh the risks.

If you were looking after someone else's child would you let them camp in the garden? If not theres your answer.

My ds2 spent a whole month sleeping outside in our tent as part of a lockdown scouting activity. However our back garden is bordered by other gardens with solid six foot fences and eight foot hedges on all three sides and the two diagonal corners, and those gardens are all also bordered by others - completely landlocked so to speak. Additionally from the front you can only access the back via two separate padlocked gates and we love in a very quiet close where the houses overlook a shared paved area. There's no way to access without being seen. So our set up sounds very different the proposed one for your dd.

My 11yo did in lockdown but she came in about 4am as the birds were too noisy! I didn’t really sleep and could keep an eye out from my bedroom. She didn’t want to do it more than one night.

Nope. A girl a couple of years older than me and her friend were abducted and raped at knifepoint near to where I grew up from a tent in one of their back gardens. No way would I be on with it even though it was over 20 years ago

One child 25 years ago is too many, but in terms of risk evaluation it is tiny.
48 children are killed in car accidents every single year and another 279 17 to 24 years are killed each year, yet we don't stop children travelling in cars or teenagers learning to drive.
Yes I would and have allowed it. Children need to learn to take small managed risks do prevent them from miss judging larger risks later in life.

I would say no

Young kids left alone (in a tent in this case ) are sadly a target for people who want to hurt children . Chances are it would be fine but why take the risk? Have to assume opportunists are everywhere , sadly . If MM parents had assumed that, she would still be with them for eg

Just don’t leave kids alone - it’s not safe.

It would never occur to me as being remotely dangerous, I was more worried about them being noisy.

What do you think happens at youth camps? Volunteers sit in their tents waiting for children to need them?
Scouts do patrol camps without adults at about their age.

I think a lot of posters on this thread are absolutely crazy and feel sorry for their kids. Very surprised that so many wouldn't allow it.

I've said no to this because although we live in a cul de sac tucked away and surrounded by high fence the gardens aren't enclosed and it's easy to forget when surrounded by trees and parkland that we are actually near a city centre. In different circumstances I'd absolutely allow it - I don't know your set up so can't say whether I'd be ok with it.

Yes I would allow this without hesitation. I allow my secondary aged kids to walk to school alone, meet in the park and nip to local shop with friends (pre lockdown). These all carry a tiny risk but not sufficient to stop me allowing it.

I find it hard letting go but I see it as a vital part of developing resilience and independence.

Outdoor camping sessions have been a huge hit here.

I agree with you,and would not feel happy about this TBH. Yes the risks are small but still there .Poor Sophie Hook and her family as well.If you are not happy then that is that.Can they not have an adult outside as well?Apart from anything else if one of them needs the loo/gets scared whatever, no one will have much sleep!

Really?? I camped out on my own with friends when younger than that. And I didn't even grow up in the UK - in a much 'less safe' part of the world. I also camped out in the wild, with family, pooed in bush and did without electricity and running water for days at a time.

God, have I lived!!!!

I'm a bit confused by this. My daughter is on a sleepover in these conditions tonight, each child has their own tent, but thankfully no sexual assaults in the area.

I would let my children walk to the shop alone at 11 and I actually think that is more dangerous than camping in a garden over night. So all of those saying no do you not allow your 11 year olds to do that?

It is tough making these decisions but I feel we are chipping away at all freedoms that I would have had at that age and I'm worried about what type of children we are producing! Covid has just made things worse as the little bits of independence mine had have just gone. Children never seem to get the opportunity to do anything any more which seems really sad.

I think a lot of posters on this thread are absolutely crazy and feel sorry for their kids

Statements like this are just as OTT as the ones scared of random abductions.
I hated camping as a kid and so didnt do it. I managed to grow up perfectly independent, resilient and functional lol The lack of camping didnt stunt my growth in any way 🙄

God I feel guilty now I let my sensible 11 year old do it a few weeks ago our garden has zero access is entirely enclosed and surrounded by other gardens.

Again as someone who frequently brought teenagers camping as a teacher there are adults around and yes we do patrol and are within metres of the students. Its not the same.

I think a lot of posters on this thread are absolutely crazy and feel sorry for their kids

I’m not sure slinging insults gives you any credibility to be honest, but I’ll bite. When you sleep in your home with young kids you can hear them if you need them, hence why so many folks don’t want bedrooms on different floors to their kids. You also will hear if someone is breaking in.

If your kids are outside and they need you, you are not likely to hear them as easily. You’re also not likely to hear as easily if there is an intruder.

So as much as the risk is low, that your child might need you, or go wandering off, or an intruder will approach them, it is absolutely still a risk. There is nothing crazy about wishing to avoid it.

It is also not remotely similar to letting your kids walk to school on their own in day light hours with plenty of people around. On their own, in the dark, for hours on end, where you may not hear them as well as if they were in the house, is always going to be a different proposition.

I don’t think anybody should feel guilty but the op did ask and for some of us it’s just no, too risky. And we shouldn’t be made to feel bad either.

It’s not the same as my child being potentially run over and killed. I could probably move on from that, eventually. I couldn’t move on from some of the stories in this thread, ever.

No, I wouldn’t let them do it unless there was an adult with them. Mine have never expressed any desire to sleep out in a tent but my DNs have - but with my DB there with them. They live in a very quiet rural village.

It’s just not worth the risk IMO.

Going to the shops, learning to drive, traveling in a car etc all have greater benefits compared to sleeping in a tent in the garden imo. Sleeping alone in a garden isn't necessary or that beneficial. It's difficult to function as an adult if you can't shop in some form or go anywhere alone. It's perfectly easy to do so even if you weren't allowed to camp in a tent in the garden. I don't think that refusing to allow them to do so will stunt any child's development.

If I knew my doors were unlocked I wouldn't go to bed. I'd go and lock them so I don't understand why I would choose to leave my child out there. I'd be more concerned about an intruder scaring them and there isn't exactly a shortage of prowlers/burglars around, than the risk of them being abducted. I live in a nice semi-rural suburb surrounded by farmland on one side and I've seen people in my neighbours' gardens more than once. I wouldn't want my hypothetical child to be the first person to discover a burglar in our garden.

When I was at guides in the 90s we had a badge (can’t remember the name) where we as patrol leader had to single handedly take our patrol on a 2 night camp at the local guiding centre. I know that we were the only campers there that weekend (large country house estate in Northern Ireland) and that we just did our own thing in the daytime on the Saturday. I would have been 14 as it was year 9 and the five other girls in my patrol were aged 11-14. The leaders may have stayed in the house / guide centre but we couldn’t see it let alone be heard from it. Presumably we were observed periodically for activities - I know they watched us pitching and striking and setting a fire / making meals but I am totally sure we were the only tent on the field that weekend. I wonder if they still do that.

I don’t think anyone is judging anyone who would do it.

My kids have a lot of freedom (well, all teens now bar one ) but I wouldn’t let them camp alone at that age . I wouldn’t have ever used a baby listening service either when young - this was before the Madeleine m abduction with my older ones . Just wouldn’t have sat comfortably with me .

Definitely not. I'm quite relaxed. My 5 year olds use knives to chop veg with me and are allowed round the fire at home (to teach safe ways of being with dangerous items) but I couldn't deal with 10/11 year olds not locked safely in the house on the dark.

14 upwards I would feel differently I think - 10/11 still v young