Children camping alone in garden - AIBU

[UserA]

A close friend has asked if my dc, aged 10, 12 & 13 would like to camp in her garden (socially distanced of course!) with her dc, both aged 11 - but alone, with the parents sleeping in the house. Apparently her dc have done it a few times over lockdown. I was fairly surprised and I don’t think I’d feel comfortable with mine sleeping outside alone. We both have fairly large gardens which aren’t particularly enclosed, as in not backing onto other houses as such. Recently there have been some sexual assaults/flashing episodes in the area, which makes me even more uneasy.. dc obviously annoyed that I haven’t agreed! So, AIBU - would you agree to them camping out alone?

Of course not and note I did correct myself.

But I do think some of the cases that we know of just wouldn’t happen today (I don’t mean the two you mention) - because our perceptions of what is acceptable have altered.

So for example Marie Payne was 4 years old and was outside alone, that really wouldn’t happen today. Another little girl was left alone in a caravan while her mum went out; again, we wouldn’t do that now. Things change in the context of time, and partly because of events like this.

My 11 and 13 year old have done this a few times since lockdown.

No way.

I only mentioned them because you mentioned them when you were stating examples & yes times are very different now.

Well I don’t think I ever said that those two cases were ones where risks were taken - it was in the context of posters insisting they lived in safe areas - but just to be clear I do not for a moment think that anything different would have saved those poor girls, it was classic wrong place and wrong time.

We did it, but an adult sleep in a back bedroom with the window wide open.

@jackdaw141

Exactly. I don't think people realise this at all.

I too would only camp outside with my children with a dog. Why would you leave your children more vulnerable than inside your house. It is negligent tbh.

It is very different to camping in a campsite.

I am very much in the "let kids be kids, dont cover them in cotton wool" camp of parenting.

And I would say no.

Its one of the reasons I wont go camping as a family, because I dont feel that it is safe. I am still wobbly about caravans as my son was about 18 months when a child was abducted and murdered from a mobile home through an open window in (I think) 1992 ish, with the parents in the caravan. DS is almost 30 now and it stayed with me.

Sophie Hook, although incredibly tragic, died 25 years ago. She would have been 32 by now if she'd lived. There have been literally zero cases of UK children being abducted and murdered from their backyard tent in 25 years. I'm guessing that makes it a pretty safe activity.

Parents sleep with the windows open and the back door unlocked and the kids are told if they hear anything that is worrying, yell. Where we live, the kids are more at harm from a bear but I still would always say yes to backyard camping, especially now as it can be socially distanced fun.

We did it, but an adult sleep in a back bedroom with the window wide open.

You really think this would help. People wake up to find their house has been broken into while they slept yet you seem to think you would hear someone in your garden.

Well yes, because you'd be on hyper-alert due to the circumstances. The same way you wake when your newborn does, but your 14 year old doesn't disturb you flushing the toilet at 4am.

@TomBradysLeftKneecap

Sophie Hook, although incredibly tragic, died 25 years ago. She would have been 32 by now if she'd lived. There have been literally zero cases of UK children being abducted and murdered from their backyard tent in 25 years. I'm guessing that makes it a pretty safe activity.

Parents sleep with the windows open and the back door unlocked and the kids are told if they hear anything that is worrying, yell. Where we live, the kids are more at harm from a bear but I still would always say yes to backyard camping, especially now as it can be socially distanced fun.

This is just it. Kids do things every day that are far far riskier than being in a tent in a normal back yard.

I can't believe people won't go tenting because they think it is too dangerous. What is most dangerous is the time on the highway driving to the campsite.

I went on school camping trips aged 10 where I was asleep with other 10 year olds at the end of a huge campsite away from teachers out of view - campsite next to a public footpath. So I wouldn't think this was an issue, especially if there's a few of them. But at the age of 10 I think if you're not comfortable it's still absolutely your call (obviously it is technically your call until they're an adult but if they were 13/14 I'd maybe think you should push through the discomfort and let them spread their wings a bit).

I should add, those camping trips were only a few years after Sophie Hook's death - so presumably nobody was too worried about it being a trend or anything other than a very very tragic one off then. Have your phone on loud and make sure they have a way to contact you if they get scared maybe, plus make sure you know they can easily get in the house, have torches etc.

I can't believe people won't go tenting because they think it is too dangerous

Speaking purely for me, I didnt say I thought it was dangerous, I said that I dont feel it is safe which is very different.

I think it's mad to leave children out. When they are over 16, fine.

Those people saying they're happy to let their DS camp out - have you noticed there was a pattern in all the abductions/murders cited in this thread?

I let my 8yo camp out by herself (in a garden inaccessible from the street - mid terrace) for several nights early in lockdown.

The benefit to her sleep and mental health was huge, and my assessment was that the risk was tiny.

I hadn't heard of Sophie Hook or any incidents and still find the idea mad and risky.

How many children have been killed inside their own home since Sophie Hook was killed?

How many children have been killed inside their own home since Sophie Hook was killed

Ah but that’s the thing- I have full control over whether I harm my kids or not. I love them and won’t ever harm them. I can’t control other people’s actions. Letting them camp outside alone in an unsecure garden when there have been sex attacks in the area seems to me to be relinquishing control without much thought to risk. Everything we do carries risk. The point is, you risk assess on the information you have. The information I have here is: an insecure garden and a spate of rapes in the area. With those two factors alone I’m rather surprised anyone would say oh yeah sure it’s no big deal.

I used to love camping in the garden with friends from around age 10. Our garden is very secure, and if kids over the age of 10 wanted to camp out there in a group, I think that I would allow it. Even better if you have a dog.

I would check on them through the night, and sleep with the windows open etc. They all have phones.

If the garden wasn't secure, if there was a known flasher in the area, if the kids were under 10, then I'd say no. I think that it's each parent's call to make depending on the circumstances. It's hard weighing up the risks.

Crikey what an over reaction. It’s kids camping together, not alone, in their own back garden! Seriously what do you think is going to happen.

Yes I would.