Children camping alone in garden - AIBU

[UserA]

A close friend has asked if my dc, aged 10, 12 & 13 would like to camp in her garden (socially distanced of course!) with her dc, both aged 11 - but alone, with the parents sleeping in the house. Apparently her dc have done it a few times over lockdown. I was fairly surprised and I don’t think I’d feel comfortable with mine sleeping outside alone. We both have fairly large gardens which aren’t particularly enclosed, as in not backing onto other houses as such. Recently there have been some sexual assaults/flashing episodes in the area, which makes me even more uneasy.. dc obviously annoyed that I haven’t agreed! So, AIBU - would you agree to them camping out alone?

Absolutely no way.

Yeah my boys do it now and again 10/11. We have a dog that sleeps out with them that would bark at anyone coming near the garden and we are a nice estate. I know that doesn't stop bad things happening but I am not going to make my kids scared to be on their own property for the one in a ten million chance a bad person will come by. I'd never let them walk to school or play out with friends or anything if that was the case. They also take in a two way radio and whistle and a torch just in case but that's normally for me.to tell them.to shussh lol

At that age in the Scouts we would be camping out in the hills.

@Grandmi

Yes I would as long as an adult is awake and close by . We need to let our children have fun and not be worried about the whatever !! The whatever is so unlikely!

Which adult is going to volunteer to stay up all night?

We're discussing a group of 10-13 year olds in the year 2020.
Consensus is against because of a horrific crime happening to a 7 year old, small enough to be pulled from a sleeping bag, 25 years ago.

Ctimes like this leave their mark on society because they are that rare. (I remember the case at the time. I thought it was a few years later actually)

Beavers sleep in tents on camp from 6 with leaders in nearby tents, Brownies from 7. Scouts and Guides 10+ plan their own camps with some mentoring from their leaders. They are on scouting/ guiding camps, but they're hardly military bunkers for security.

How many millions of nights have children slept in tents safely since 1995?

14 year olds do the Duke of Edinburgh's Award, lugging their tent across the countryside with minimal supervision having to navigate their way. (It might even be 13 for younger children in the school year- many start in y9)

My children are 7 & 9.
We have an enclosed garden. They sleep in one tent. I sleep in the other. The house is unlocked for toilet access or just changing their mind. We've done this for a few years.

I stay out for my 7 yo. I would be happy enough for my 9yo to stay out with peers of his age or older.

When I was 16, there was a high profile murder of a 17 year old 1 mile away from my house. The murderer was not convicted for another 6 years. A few years later, I used to walk past the spot and indeed much of her final journey on my own, in the dark in the winter on my way to and from work, and see the memorial based upon her A-Level art. What happened to her was horrific too, but you can't live in constant fear of the worst case scenario. It was something I was always mindful of, but never let it constrain my life.
There have been female runners mugged on one of my regular running routes and sexual assaults within a few miles (main offender now behind bars for a long time, but there have been others). I still go out and run albeit with an alarm on my wrist. I still go out and walk quiet routes with my children despite the attack/ murder of the Russells.

Goingdown ..errmmm.well as I don’t know the family I cannot say !! But in our family that would be the solution...it’s amazing how someone can doze and listen !! That is how people do a night shift if looking after an elderly relative...it’s actually quite easy .

I would let my children do this at those ages. They probably will stay awake most of the night anyway! Used to do this with my cousins and siblings on family occasions because adults were sleeping in all the beds in whatever house we were gathered in. Although to be fair, we normally also had some large dogs in the garden/tent with us. Looking back, maybe as protection.

Anyway, obviously, it's your decision and you know the area and your kids best.

I'm at people sleeping with their doors open. Do people seriously do this? I'd be terrified that someone would come in and rob or kill us all. I had someone try to get in a few years ago so it's not impossible or even unlikely to me. We don't have enough space for camping but even if we did it would be a no from me. I'm always slightly on edge even at a camp site because you can't lock the tent. It was always drummed into me as a child and teen to lock doors, not go out alone and be vigilant about security. I will go to a campsite as the odds of anything happening are low, but still there if you think about it too much.

No and I am a very liberal parent.
Not safe, no way. Kids dare each other to do stupid things, they don’t think about safety when they are having fun or showing off. What if they left the garden, went into the street, went to the local high street or to the park? No way.

I would be ok with it if the garden was properly enclosed. Sounds like this one isn't so I'm not sure.

Wow, I didn't realise that there are still people around who don't lock their front doors... wtf?

YANBU to feel uncomfortable about it; you need to make decisions for your children that you are happy about.

That said, my DDs have been camping in our London garden for years whether it's the two of them or DD1 and a friend. DD1 has camped in other friends' London gardens too and has been since she was in Y7. Our garden is technically accessible from the back but is very overlooked and isn't very big. There isn't anywhere to loiter near our garden unless the loiterer wants to hang out on the front door step of the house in the close behind. DD2 is in Y6 and regularly sleeps in the playhouse in our garden. The back door is locked but she has the key, she also locks herself into the playhouse. She spends many a night sleeping out there and has done since she was 8/9.

If your DC are comfortable camping in the garden then I'd be inclined to let them, especially at the moment when there are fewer adventures to be had and most contact with friends has been virtual.

No way.

But a lot depends on so many variables, everyone's situation and risk factors can be very different.

Wow, I didn't realise that there are still people around who don't lock their front doors... wtf?

Our local Facebook often has footage posted of someone trying front doors and car doors in the early hours. We live in a reasonably nice area. I’d never leave my front door unlocked.

@Llamazoom

No and I am a very liberal parent. Not safe, no way. Kids dare each other to do stupid things, they don’t think about safety when they are having fun or showing off. What if they left the garden, went into the street, went to the local high street or to the park? No way.

Normally nine year olds, or even seven year olds, don't just wander into roads. And most are reliable enough - certainly at 9 and 12 - to listen to parents rules about things like not leaving the garden in the middle of the night.

@Goosefoot kids dare each other, it’s not about wandering into roads like a toddler would. At the age of 12 my friend and I were wandering around in South London at midnight, it was a sleepover at her house, her parents were asleep, we sneaked out. Kids don’t think about safety no matter what parents say, they think they are in invincible especially when they are hyped up and having fun.

@RandomUsernameHere Well I let my DC 4 and 6 camp outside alone. Sure, there are risks, but there always will be. They'll go to university and get drunk and who knows what.

That's neglectful.

Well yes but one of the reasons that they are rare is that people are a bit more aware and not take silly risks.

Who took silly risks?

Silly risks is probably unfair in the context of the time but things we wouldn’t do today.

Leaving a child alone in a caravan, letting under 8s go to funfairs, play out on the street unsupervised.

No from me. I’m from wales, there was a terrible tragedy.

No

Tootle I don't know which to comment on first - leaving a 4 and 6yo camp alone at night or using a university aged adult as a means by which to justify it.

Silly risks is probably unfair in the context of the time but things we wouldn’t do today.

I think that's quite offensive. I mean Milly was walking home from school in broad daylight, is that a silly risk. Holly & Jessica believed they could trust school staff, was that silly of them?

for Sophie Hook. So, sad. I do not remember that happening at all.

No I would never let my children camp in the garden. I wouldn't do it myself. We get opportunist burglars prowling regularly but even so I would never leave outside at night.