48 and pregnant

[Rlp2904]

Hi , looking for some advice, I was steralised 12 years ago, I've started perimenopause and just discovered I'm 5/6 weeks pregnant !! I've been single for over 2 years after coming out of an abusive relationship and recently met a wonderful guy who has been been my fairh up that not all men are bastards.
Now we have spoken about the pregnancy and the pros and cons ... what cons ? I'm a mother of a 24 and 16byr old and have 3 wonderful grandchildren one on a couple of weeks old. My partner is 100% against this , to the point that he has said if I carry on with the pregnancy he will hate the baby and resent me .... I'm in turmoil... I know all the cons and none of the pros ...

How are you? I’m concerned I might be facing similar situation could use some advice from someone experiencing the same

he has said if I carry on with the pregnancy he will hate the baby and resent me

Well he doesn't sound wonderful to me. That is a horrible thing to say to you. Keep the baby and get rid of him.

The default answer on here is almost always to have the baby, no matter what.

I'd hate to be pregnant at 48 though.
You'll be hitting 70 at your own child's 21st.
Going through nappies again, in your late 40 and early 50s.
No thanks.

What others have said. But personally I’d be breaking up with the boyfriend who sounds like an arse. It’s your body, your choice. If it was me I would not have the baby as I feel it’s far too old, risk of abnormalities is higher and I’d worry about lack of energy and having a teenager when I was nearing retirement.

@Somanysocks

Sad that most are saying discard a life so easily because it's inconvenient.

Keep the life growing inside you, lose the man. I would have loved a child at any age.

Really? Even at 48?

48 is too old?

😂😂😂😂😂

Someone really should have told my dad. We were born when he was in his 50s.

Thankfully, like my dad, I’m in good health and don’t recognise the decrepitude that others seem to think is normal in the 40s, 50s and 60s. I have no idea why other women my age are so exhausted or unable to bend over to reach the floor. I’m very glad not to be in such poor health. It would make my full time work as a critical care doctor (working alongside many nurses and drs in their 50s and 60s managing one of the most stressful jobs there is) rather difficult.

If you’re in good health and want the baby then go ahead. If not, there’s no shame in deciding not to proceed.

Either way I’m afraid your partner is not there for the long haul.

I just had to make a similar decision - after being told 10 years ago I had no eggs left (I saw my dead ovaries on scans weekly) and having IVF for DS that they said would be my only chance, I got pregnant aged 40.

I was a single mum and one of the potential fathers (there was a 2 week gap) said he'd kill himself if I kept it, wanted written guarantees that if I did keep it I'd never ask for money, that I was old and embarrassing and why the fuck did I ever think anything other than immediate abortion.

The other told me to get rid of it, called me and the baby disgusting, basically I picked not one, but 2 twats. You could use the shock excuse but it's jusg thag - an excuse.

I had the abortion by myself and I still feel sick whenever I think about it even though I knew that co-parenting with anyone is hard after you separate, let alone with someone who would say something so insensitive and selfish about a baby as if it's somehow your fault?!

Forget him. Give yourself time - don't rush this decision and best wishes

I think it would be hell on earth to have a baby at 48, after a 16 year gap, sorry. It's going to be so tough going back to the nappy years after so long, and you will be exhausted. I had a 9 year gap at age 38, and that was tough enough.

OP - you’ve done it before. Would you do it again? Alone?
I’m 45 - at 4am with a wailing (seriously disabled child (who is also the best thing that ever happened to me (I was 42 when I had her) ). But here I am at 4am wondering will she ever fucking sleep?
It’s context driven- I’d have 15 more kids if I could- but I can’t. And I’d rather do it alone. Good luck OP

My Nan had my Mum, her only child, aged 49. She’d been married years but obviously had a surge of hormones at end. I’m obviously biased as if my Nan hadn’t had my Mum there wouldn’t have been my Mum or me! I had my youngest at 40. I would have my children before any man.
Oh and my Dad was 55 when I was born.
Good luck to any woman facing complicated decisions.

It’s not very often/ever I wholeheartedly advise a termination, but I will make an exception here. I suggest you terminate your relationship with this ‘wonderful guy’ immediately, and I personally wouldn’t be keeping his baby in your circumstances either, but for MY sake NOT because some manipulative man is emotionally blackmailing me!

Zombie.

The OP posted this at the start of July. I'm sure she's come to a decision one way or the other by now

I had my baby at 42 and am very accustomed to the way these threads go. The risk of complications in pregnancy is higher if you are older, as is the risk of disabilities and birth defects in the baby, but the absolute risk of all is still low, as far as I am aware. All things being equal, you'd still be unlucky to have a baby with a disability. There is a lot of scaremongering around late parenthood that is kind of frustrating when you are actually doing it (especially from people who haven't actually reached their 40s and are thinking about it purely in terms of how tired they are at the moment) but there you go.

The question is whether you want the baby, and given that you chose to be sterilised that deserves really serious consideration. I didn't have any older children and I love focusing on parenting now, but would I have felt that way if I had had two late teen or grown up children when I got pregnant? I don't know. I honestly don't. I had my 30s entirely to myself with no responsibility.

recently met a wonderful guy who has been been my fairh up that not all men are bastards.

yet he is threatening to leave you, and resent both you and a baby that HE had a "hand" in creating... I don't think he is that wonderful, op.

Whatever you decide, get rid of him.

This was from July...!

@Denny49

How are you? I’m concerned I might be facing similar situation could use some advice from someone experiencing the same

Might be best to start your own thread, rather than bump an old one.

Your post will be lost in the answers to op.

@gingganggooleywotsit

I think it would be hell on earth to have a baby at 48, after a 16 year gap, sorry. It's going to be so tough going back to the nappy years after so long, and you will be exhausted. I had a 9 year gap at age 38, and that was tough enough.

My husband had a 22 year gap. He is doing fine.

I think you should make the decision based on how you feel yourself OP both in terms of your health and realistic ability to manage, any likely impact on the child, financial implications and actually also what you want and feel comfortable with. You can manage at 48. But its about if you want to and what's in yours and the child's best interests in the context of your particular circumstances

@Rlp2904

Thanks everyone for you comments. I think to get rid of him is pretty definite at this point !! As for the pregnancy I'm really not sure... I'm going to talk it through with my eldest later and get her views. I'm lazy here fighting the head heart battle over and over and as for him booking me in for a termination on monday I'm really not sure I can make a conscious decision that quick. I've finally got a career which I love after being a single mum for years. I'm starting to get a bit of freedom in my life and boom .... i feel this has happened for a reason i cant cant figure out the reason xx

The reason could be to show your boyfriend's true Colours and save you from getting further entwined with him. Make the decision you want to make, don't let others make it for you

###ZOMBIE###

It’s your body and your decision. Personally I wouldn’t want to have a baby in my late 40’s but plenty of women do. Do what’s right for you.