48 and pregnant

[Rlp2904]

Hi , looking for some advice, I was steralised 12 years ago, I've started perimenopause and just discovered I'm 5/6 weeks pregnant !! I've been single for over 2 years after coming out of an abusive relationship and recently met a wonderful guy who has been been my fairh up that not all men are bastards.
Now we have spoken about the pregnancy and the pros and cons ... what cons ? I'm a mother of a 24 and 16byr old and have 3 wonderful grandchildren one on a couple of weeks old. My partner is 100% against this , to the point that he has said if I carry on with the pregnancy he will hate the baby and resent me .... I'm in turmoil... I know all the cons and none of the pros ...

I’m 49. I have three (20,18,16). I already have a child with a disability and that doesn't ‘terrify’ me. I also had an abortion at 18 as there was absolutely no way I wanted a baby with a man who said ‘tell me when you get rid of it.’ I’d take it a day at a time and see what happened, but I would be heeding the message about the unsuitable partner.
I would also want a scan ASAP due to the risks around being pg after sterilization. (I haven’t been sterilized.) I wouldn’t discuss it with my eldest. It wouldn’t seem fair to be discussing the termination of a sibling.
Good luck with whatever you decide.

What a shock that must have been to find out you were pregnant. Are you able to get an early scan in a couple of weeks? I’d personally want to do that to check how the pregnancy was looking/if there was a heartbeat before becoming emotionally connected to the idea of another baby at 48, if you decide to go ahead.

Sorry to ask a sensitive question, but are you 100% sure you are pregnant, given you were sterilised? I’m not doubting a positive test result but there are some very rare situations where a pregnancy test may pick up hcg when the person isn’t pregnant, including some cancers (very very unlikely!)

My mum has 26 years difference with her brother. he's the cleerest man I know. You should take him out of the equation. You should think about your heath status ( can you carry this pregnancy) and the health of the baby, and really a big hug to you it's difficult to hear those harsh words.

My nan had her surprise last baby at 48, baby is 55 now. Baby was fine, mum not so much but times are different and she was already in not great health - lived to her mid 80s though.

Anyway op. None of that is relevant to you. You must do whatever will secure you the most happiness in the long run. It's easy to forget quite how hard the baby years are but hopefully young grandchildren are giving you a reminder! Think of yourself in 1, 5, 10, 20 etc years time, as dispassionately as possible. If a baby will severely impact your life in a negative way then you have your answer, this is your only life we're talking about. If another baby will bring more happiness at every stage and you can arrange your life accordingly, then likewise.

All the best whatever you decide.

Sad that most are saying discard a life so easily because it's inconvenient.

Keep the life growing inside you, lose the man. I would have loved a child at any age.

"Hate the baby"?!

I would say the decision about whether to continue with this pregnancy, though a difficult one,is all yours. He's shown his true colours and surely there's no going back from a comment like that?!

Op, good luck whatever you decide to do.

I hope you get rid of the man. He had no right to be so vile and has shown you that he cannot be relied on when you really need him. Definitely one to dump.

As for the pregnancy, it may be the most fantastic news, it may be a difficult decision. Either way, make it your own decision, made for the best of reasons x

Sorry OP but has your pregnancy been confirmed by a blood test? I've read before that the perimenopause can sometimes give false negatives so if you haven't yet, I'd ask for one especially since you say you were sterilised.

Also, not to bring a negative note but the chances of a miscarriage at your age are I believe close to 50% if not more. You being sterilised puts you at a very high risk of an ectopic pregnancy.

I would go and see the doctor before deciding on anything.

I wouldn't go through with it in your situation. Dump the boyfriend. I also don't think you should tell your eldest. There must be someone else you can talk to.

To be honest, I don't think the partner is that bad. He's at least being honest. At 48 (and we don't know how old he is) dating someone who was sterilised babies wouldn't ever be on the agenda.
He is allowed to be in shock and he is allowed not to want a child.

You are clear on his position so you know that if you do decide to keep the baby, it will be alone. It's better than him promising the Earth only to turn out to be a feckless father that does nothing and fucks off like you read about on here all the bloody time.

I'd have an abortion but only you can make the decision op.

Sorry to be horribly practical but if you were sterilised you may be able to claim and recover some of the costs of this child. Not saying that will affect your decision but it’s a consideration. I’d be horrified if this was me, and confused and torn. Whatever happens look after you.

I would want the pregnancy medically confirmed before anything.

As pp have said given your age and circumstances it could be a false positive.

What ever the result I would dump the bf. Anyone who says what he did as a first or considered reaction I wouldn’t waste my time in. He is certainly not a great guy

FWIW friend had her 3rd at 47 without any problems or complications. A friend of a friend had her 1st at 50. (IVF beforehand)

This is about what you want and no one else.

If you think that it is a miracle and if all went well it makes you happy then go ahead with the pregnancy

Are you 100 percent sure? Have you had a scan or blood test? You can get false positives with those sort of circumstances.
I think you’re brave though, there’s no way I could do that.. just need to think how it’ll effect you going to be a lot harder this time round than the other times espically if you’re in not great health.

There are no pros OP - that's why you can't think of any! I'm a couple of years younger than you with DC who are much younger than yours and I can't understand why you would even entertain the idea of having another baby. Your DC are grown, you're in a new relationship, you're enjoying your job after years as a single parent. Why on earth would you want to throw all that away? You're a grandma FGS! Hormones are weird things, I know that, but you're talking about a tiny bunch of cells. If you have this baby you'll be a single parent again until you're 70. Do you want that? You got sterilised, so I'm going to take a wild guess that you don't. 'Everything happens for a reason' is utter bullshit. Use your head to decide what you want to do.

I’m almost 51 with a 9 year old @Rlp2904 and I have to say I can’t even imagine having a toddler now. The idea of coping with the hormonal teens in my sixties is also extremely unappealing and, I think, actually unfair on the child.

You’ve got older children and you may well have grandchildren before long. If I were in your position I would terminate the pregnancy and the relationship and judge you for neither.

Ffs sorry @Rlp2904 I managed to completely miss that you have 3 GC already. I would definitely terminate the pregnancy though, the idea of starting the rollercoaster of parenting again is just more than I could stand.

She's already a grandmother of three @Inforthelonghaul!! Look at the OP.

Op cancel the termination until you are sure of your decision.

Take your time, talk to trusted friends and really think through how it would work. If you can't see it working under any circumstances then you have your answer. You must also be mentally prepared for a miscarriage too.

There is no way I could stay with any man that lashed out so spitefully and unkindly. You should be in this together, talking through your options and most of all he should be supporting you! This will be a shock to you at 48.

Take some time out, go for a walk for a few hours and do what YOU think is right for you.

Just for the record, I am a similar age and I would probably continue the pregnancy but in a guarded way knowing it may not end well, and there will be many hurdles along the way but I would, and I am tired, but somehow I would see it as a bit of a miracle. Not an especially helpful miracle but one all the same.

In your position I’d dump the “D”P and have a termination. No way would I want to be starting again at 48. I’d be grateful for the pregnancy though because it showed me my so-called partner’s true colours.

This must be an absolute nightmare for you to deal with, I hope whatever decision you make you’re happy with.

If you Google, you will read Certain medical conditions can cause a woman's hCG to rise, even when she is not pregnant. They include: disorders affecting the pituitary gland and hormone levels, specifically in perimenopausal or menopausal women

OP,
What a shock.

If you go ahead, it seems you will be doing it alone.

However difficult you imagine it would be to go back to the beginning of 18 years of rearing a child again, well multiple it by 10 in my opinion.

You have finally gotten your life to a good place, despite the twat partner, think long and hard about going back to babies, childcare, juggling money etc... in the world we live in today.

Whatever you decide, good luck.

I’m sorry to go against the grain here, but OP was sterilised! It’s not as though the guy didn’t want to wear a condom or something! I’m on his side!

I'm another wondering if you are definitely pregnant...seems incredibly unlikely at 48 and with having been sterilized?

If I was in your shoes, there's no way I'd have it but your body, your choice.

If you did keep it, be aware that..

Best case scenario...dp comes round, you have a healthy baby and remain in good health yourself and live happily ever after.

Worst case scenario...dp disappears, you're a single mum in poor health with a severely disabled child.

Think carefully.

@Rlp2904... how are you? Just wondering how things have been going? I wanted a sibling for DS and i'm now 48 and nothing has happened so guess that's it for us. I never tried hard enough for many reasons but now I'm so sad it's too late.