48 and pregnant

[Rlp2904]

Hi , looking for some advice, I was steralised 12 years ago, I've started perimenopause and just discovered I'm 5/6 weeks pregnant !! I've been single for over 2 years after coming out of an abusive relationship and recently met a wonderful guy who has been been my fairh up that not all men are bastards.
Now we have spoken about the pregnancy and the pros and cons ... what cons ? I'm a mother of a 24 and 16byr old and have 3 wonderful grandchildren one on a couple of weeks old. My partner is 100% against this , to the point that he has said if I carry on with the pregnancy he will hate the baby and resent me .... I'm in turmoil... I know all the cons and none of the pros ...

Just think about whether you want the baby and whether you can do it on your own.
Things to consider would be whether the relationship would survive even if you did get a termination due to resentment that you may feel.

It’s entirely your decision, I am the same age as you and I know what my decision would be.
If you do decide to go ahead accept that you will be doing it on your own

Thanks everyone for you comments. I think to get rid of him is pretty definite at this point !! As for the pregnancy I'm really not sure... I'm going to talk it through with my eldest later and get her views. I'm lazy here fighting the head heart battle over and over and as for him booking me in for a termination on monday I'm really not sure I can make a conscious decision that quick. I've finally got a career which I love after being a single mum for years. I'm starting to get a bit of freedom in my life and boom .... i feel this has happened for a reason i cant cant figure out the reason xx

Do you seriously want a baby at 48? I know I wouldn’t. But your decision OP, good luck & wishing you all the best.

I got pregnant at42 (by mistake with an ex) and he said all the same the crap that your partner is saying.
Fast forward 2 years and he’s actually a great dad. He openly admits he was wrong.
However when I made the decision to continue the pregnancy I was 100% happy to go it alone if need be.
You’ve not really had any one give you any pros - but I don’t fit one moment regret having mine. My little boy makes me happy every single day, and being with him is like experiencing the world anew when I thought I’d seen it all.
YANBU whatever you decide- Your body, your baby, your choice.

If you really want to buy into the ‘it happened for a reason stuff’ it’ll be to show you what a prick your partner is.

At 48 it may be that nature makes the decision for you, as it did for me when I miscarried at the age of 47. I hope there's someone other than your partner you can talk to about this. Your body, your choice imho, don't factor in any support from him but plan as a single person. If he comes good then so much the better but I wouldn't count on it from the initial reaction. Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the very best.

I think your partner sounds awful though it could just be the shock; let's face it neither of you expected a pregnancy as you had been sterilised. I think I would be more than shocked in either of your positions.

Nobody here can tell you what to do. It's entirely up to you. Personally I wouldn't go on with the pregnancy, you can have such a good life for many years in the future without the responsibility of young children, but that's me.

I wonder what your children would say but am not encouraging you to tell them - please don't.

I think from your update you have already made one good decision, and it seems you approaching the second one the right way. You don't really need the total disruption of your life that a baby would bring.

Maybe the reason it happened is to show you what this man is really like - thinking of you

Well there's a very simple obvious solution to this. You are 48 and seeing as you were sterilised after having your family you don't desperately want or need a baby. You're a grandma.
He's a total scumbag but honestly in his position I'd think you absolutely mental to even question what to do next. Abortion. Asap. It's the only sensible thing to do here. Good grief.

well if you're absolutely certain you're only 5/6 weeks gone then you don't have to decide straight away about the pregnancy. But I would be getting absolute clarification on this asap as you could have way less time than you think if you're peri menopausal and have irregular cycles etc

I do hope the bloke is history before Monday though.

@Merryoldgoat

If you really want to buy into the ‘it happened for a reason stuff’ it’ll be to show you what a prick your partner is.

succinct and accurate

Oh Op, I am 48 and have three children, 8, 16 and 18. I really feel for you. Whatever happens, I hope you will be ok, it's really hard.

Personally I don't think I could continue with a pregnancy at this age but I have always been a tired person and that's just me. Don't rush into anything, if you need more time to think then take it. It's your decision. I'm sorry your boyfriend has been so unsupportive of you, that's terrible. Be kind to yourself and I wish you all the very best.

Agree with previous posters re your DP.

In terms of reasons why it happened. It happened because your (permanent) method of contraception failed. That's why.

Agree with Merryoldgoat

I wouldn't personally want to go through a pregnancy at 48. I think it's too late, and there is a higher risk of health challenge for you and the baby. I also could not face nightfeeds etc at that age.

But it is your choice and your choice only. Get rid of the partner though.

Oh wow
I can’t see a single pro here either
Single motherhood is hard
Having hostile father is hard
And you didn’t want a baby as for sterilised

I know what I’d be doing , and that might not be the path you want

But think very hard if you can continue in happiness

Wishing you well

My 47 year old friend had her second set of twins last year. Her first set are 17! Her DH (50) though was fully on board and she can afford not to work/has a nanny.
I'm 48 and wouldn't contemplate another baby at this stage, let alone as a single parent which you'd inevitably be.
Good luck with whatever you decide.

I can't think of one single pro. I'm trying to put myself in your shoes and honestly it would be a no brainier of what to do.

I hope you at least dump that horrible man.

Sorry but I don't see any pro's, either. Risk of being a single mum of a child with disabilities (and no, not all can be detected antenatally) at nearly 50 would not be something I'd want at all. I'd dump the man, he's not wonderful. If you've been sterilised, I hope you're getting an early scan, too, or have had a scan to make sure the pregnancy is not ectopic.

The chance of miscarriage is very high, so please be prepared for that. If you get past that hurdle, then you have the high risk of possible birth defects nightmare to contend with. Having been through it all several times in my mid 40s I would not ever contemplate it again.

Yes, this is true, my friend got pregnant four times between 42 and 44 but sadly for her none stuck. It would have been her first tho.

At 48 id be amazed if it 'stuck'.

Whatever you decide to do about the pregnancy, please LTB.
There are better men out there.

If you’d never had a baby I could see an argument for proceeding with the pregnancy. But you already have an adult and a nearly-adult. At this point I think you’d be better off enjoying your freedom and grandparenthood.

Was your DP’s reaction heat-of-the-moment, or is he continuing to be unpleasant even now the shock has worn off?

I wouldn’t discuss this with your DD. A neutral person would be preferable I think.

He sounds a very unsupportive (presumably now ex) partner.

It’s possible being perimenopausal has given you a false positive pregnancy test or have you had it confirmed with blood tests?