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To ask if a stranger has ever been nasty to you?

(623 Posts)
Seychelles98 Tue 30-Jun-20 00:24:18

I still remember this incident clearly from 20 years ago as I have a permanent red scar on my foot after all this time. Some might say it was minor and to get over myself but still ...

It was rush hour on the tube in London on my way to work one summers morning. The train was packed so I was standing down the aisle whilst holding onto one of those dangly things overhead. A lady got up to leave at the next station so I made room for her and then took her vacant seat. Then I suddenly felt a searing pain on the top / arch part of my foot (I was wearing sandals just to make things worse). I looked up and thought someone had accidentally stood on my foot!

I then saw it wasn't an accident as it was the boyfriend / husband of the lady leaving the train (who I didn't realise she was with until that moment). He obviously wanted her seat as he wasn't getting off at that station so to 'punish' me for taking the seat he dug his sharp heavy shoe heel into my foot! He saw that I saw what he did and he gave me a sadistic smirk while hugging his girlfriend goodbye and still pinning my foot to the floor with his heel!

I was so startled and scared I didn't say anything but I was left with a very bruised and sore foot for weeks. In fact he probably broke some small bones in it. I still get pain in that part of my foot and have a permanent scar on it. I was in my early 20's and he was about late 30's but I'd never stay quite if it happened now! I remember thinking if she had any idea how sadistic her boyfriend was...

OP’s posts: |
ShinyFootball Tue 30-Jun-20 00:31:11

Yes lots. And some of them do stay with you.

I'm sorry he did that.

Giffgaff99 Tue 30-Jun-20 00:46:44

That's terrible, I'm so sorry for your ordeal.
I've been told by strangers that my friends are pretty but I'm only just ok, asked what the hell is up with my hair while on a night out, told to put my sunglasses back on (as I looked better hiding behind them) and laughed at because I had a pimple on my bum when i wore a skimpy bikini - the pimple was loudly and openly pointed out to me in the beach bar. These comments have left very deep scars. I already had a complex about my looks and this all took it to another level. I have cried many nights alone over how I look, cried tilley face is blotchy, cried curled up at 2am on the kitchen floor, wanted to cut my face with the mirror and I'm now convinced im the ugliest cunt that ever lived. After saying all that, I do get men fancying me ..but I dont want anyone to look at me in that way, I mean why or how could they. I'm married so wouldn't act on anything anyways

Sparklesocks Tue 30-Jun-20 00:46:51

Yes many times. A few that have stuck with me:

As a teen I was eating sausage rolls in the park with a friend and a group of (Adult) men walked by and sang ‘who ate the pies’ at us. I wasn’t fat by any means but of course teenage me took it as confirmation I was a vile disgusting pig who shouldn’t eat in public. Now looking back as an adult I’m furious that grown men would do such a thing to young teens. Nasty pricks.

More recently (pre covid) I was on the tube after work during rush hour and it was of course packed. A woman seemed to take it as a personal insult that the carriage was so busy and kept trying to aggressively push people away by forcing her body into them and sort of throwing her weight against those she deemed too close. But of course there was no room to give so it didn’t amount to much except annoy everyone. I guess the concept of the tube in rush hour was alien to her.

I suppose my handbag must’ve annoyed her as she then turned around and tried to physically push it out of the way. Except she sort of slammed her hand into it to do so - unfortunately for her my bag was carrying my absolute brick of a work laptop and her hand made contact with it, causing her to yelp. Serves her right grin

We all have these stories as some people are just like that. Maybe they’ve had an awful day and you’re getting the brunt of their rage, or maybe they’re just nasty bastards who can’t function in society. Either way I’m sorry it happened to you and you’re still thinking of it now.

Dita73 Tue 30-Jun-20 00:51:36

What a vile bastard! Not surprised you still remember it so well!
I can’t say I’ve experienced anything like this. The closest was when I was about 12. I’d met a friend in town just to look round the shops. Our parents would give us a few quid for drinks,etc. I remember it was a really hot day and my friend and I got an ice cream. We were walking down the street and two men and a woman were coming towards us. All of sudden one of the men took my ice cream out of my hand,had a massive lick of it gave it back to me and walked off!!! I was stunned and stood there in shock! My friend on the other hand was in hysterics! I remember it vividly but I must admit when I think of it now I burst out laughing.
I’m sorry you had to encounter such a sadistic arsehole

wonderstuff Tue 30-Jun-20 01:02:20

I had a bloke in a pub be really vile, said some very sexually explicit and foul things, super quiet so only I could hear, I can't remember the exact words, can't recall if it was what he wanted to do to me or what he wouldn't do to me. I remember being shocked and silenced by it. Really weird and unpleasant.
Another time in a particular job this bloke would whisper what a sad cow I was whenever he saw me and there wasn't anyone else around, he'd also talk loudly about mastibating as I came into earshot.
Never had anyone violent towards me though. And both these incidents were when I was about 20.

SurreyHillsGirl Tue 30-Jun-20 01:07:41

An old work colleague of mine told me once some men in a van threw a milkshake on her head as she walked along and shouted out that she had a big head. She had a complex about her head anyway so this just backed up her fears. Men in vans can be pathetic, pack mentality. Once some shouted out “oi big bum” to me, I was a teenager and mortified. Now I love my big bum so 🖕🏼to them grin

RomeoLikedCapuletGirls Tue 30-Jun-20 01:11:36

Yes. Mostly men calling out disgusting things to me when I was younger.

Finfintytint Tue 30-Jun-20 01:11:40

Yup. A stranger I dealt with in a work capacity attacked me and broke my leg. He just hated women. A nasty bastard who couldn’t function in society as PP said.

Bodgedboxdye Tue 30-Jun-20 01:15:19

These are awful.

And Op, I’m so sorry. It’s crazy someone thinks they can actually do that to someone else.

I grew up with a squint so I always had people calling me “bogeyed, squint eyed, boss eyed” it massively dinted my confidence. I’ve even had members of my family call me it which resulted in me going for surgery on it. I’ve even had grown ass women say it to me, literally women with kids.

I was born with Crainiosynostosis and due to the shape of my face, I ended up with a squint. 😶

But yeah, it’s massively made me so cautious of how I am with people (making sure they feel beautiful) and I’m forever drumming it into my daughter that despite what someone looks like you never ever say anything nasty. Thankfully she gets it.

SwelteringInTheHeat Tue 30-Jun-20 01:18:31

Oh yes.
Far more strangers have been kind when needed, which is what I try to focus one, but one incident remains with me, years later and still upsets me:

Busy shopping centre, near to Christmas. I had stopped to sit on a bench to rest with my bags, when some woman for some reason decided to walk past and say, directly to me "Stupid fat cunt".
I wasn't fat at that time, either, and I certainly had done nothing to offend her!

Lizadork Tue 30-Jun-20 01:19:19

I was standing on a bridge admiring the scene when some passing lads told me to jump. Imagine if I had been suicidal!

Sat on a beach with the children when some teenager girls started throwing rocks at me - i was so shocked i didnt know how to react. I tried to ignore but that made them do it more. Ended up leaving pretty quickly.

Again teenagers throwing dirt and rocks at me as I waa walking home from work. They actually chased me and I had to duck down a hidden path for them to pass me.

I don't know what it is about me that makes others think this is ok. Often confirms personal feelings of being worth nothing. Similar things have happened over and over.

thistimeofyear Tue 30-Jun-20 01:20:22

Went for a walk during lockdown with a friend. As we got to the end of the walk along a fairly wide path a 60 year old man was coming towards me with his wife
. When he got level with us he deliberately coughed in my face as walked past. His wife said something and as I turned round to ask what she said he told me to eff off!

marmiteloversunite Tue 30-Jun-20 01:24:05

Last year I had chemo for breast cancer and lost my hair. I was in a shop in Paddington station with my DD (16). I was wearing a chemo bamboo cap. As I was paying the shop keeper asked me, "Why are you wearing that hat? Are you Jewish or something?" No words! We just looked at him dumbfounds and then walked out. Losing your hair is hard enough but that was just hurtful and insensitive. Racist too. angry

KarenLikesToTalkToTheManager Tue 30-Jun-20 01:32:26

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Justgivemewine Tue 30-Jun-20 01:48:30

Karen you’re an idiot, HTH, DFOD
Lol auto correct changed my first tying of dfod to “doofus” even autocorrect gets you 😆😆😆

BananasBananas Tue 30-Jun-20 01:48:48

Go to sleep, Karen

SickOfNorthernExile Tue 30-Jun-20 01:53:49

Oh yeah.

Perhaps most terrifying was a woman shoving me deliberately on the edge of the tube platform when I was 7 months pregnant and the train was arriving into the station. A man next to me dragged me back from the edge.

People are crazy. More are lovely though.

SurreyHillsGirl Tue 30-Jun-20 01:54:25

@Justgivemewine

grin

SecretWitch Tue 30-Jun-20 02:15:13

I’m sorry for all of us who have been the target of a stranger’s aggression💐

This incidence happened to me about a month ago. I was shopping at a large grocery store. I stopped to look at some medication. I suddenly felt a hand gripping my shoulder. I am on crutches so this threw me off a bit.
When I turned around their was an older man standing just behind me. He looked so angry. He yelled at me that I had deliberately stepped in front of him as he shopped for pain relievers. I was mortified and apologised immediately. He insisted I did this on purpose. I replied that I definitely had not seen him and apologised again. I moved away to defuse the situation.

This man followed me to the shampoo aisle and again accused me of purposely blocking him. I told him that I was sorry he felt that way but to please leave me alone as I was now getting frightened. The last thing he said to me was “ I can see that you are crippled and apparently you are also blind”.

My day was ruined. I still feel terrible about that encounter.

k1233 Tue 30-Jun-20 05:18:55

I had one guy try to grab me in a park, middle of the day, crowded with people. I dodged out if his way and kept walking - the abuse he hurled after me was vile.

Another man on a train (quite empty) kept abusing me because he thought he knew me and I'd never seen him in my life.

CarlottaValdez Tue 30-Jun-20 05:28:23

I’m ugly so yes loads of times. All men. I’ve been literally shouted at in the street.

It hasn’t happened for a while though interestingly. I think men are less offended by older ugly women. They seem to be enraged by young women taking up space in the world when they’re not even worth fucking.

bluebell94 Tue 30-Jun-20 05:47:57

I was 14, shopping in town with my best friend. A grown man, mid/late 30s probably, felt the need to walk past me slowly and say 'fucking hell look at the size of her nose!' Etc, so many nasty comments while his mate laughed hysterically. My friend and I sat in total shock. 14yo girls are very impressionable and self conscious creatures. I never ever forgot it and my confidence was atrocious, I saved for a nose job when I got my first part time job aged 16 and got it done when I was 21.
I'd been conscious of my appearance anyway like a lot of young teens but had the best family and friends that it wasn't such an issue, until a stranger felt the need to comment and in my mind that completely solidified how ugly I was. Sad looking back but I'm happy now and finally feel confident.

CarlottaValdez Tue 30-Jun-20 05:50:19

It’s incredible the number of adult men who will abuse and harass actual children. Imagine the depth of unpleasantness needed to shout “ugly bitch” at someone half your age. It’s so horrible.

PopsicleHustler Tue 30-Jun-20 06:03:50

Yes lots of situations, I have found myself in.

Since I reverted to islam , I have had numerous strangers and people I see on school run and dont talk too making ridiculous, rude and nasty comments about my hijab. I am a very polite person, so I either respond with why I wear it, now I just let them stare and nudge. I've been sworn on, called alsorts, asked what the eff is that on my head. It's a hijab not a bloody traffic cone. I've been asked if I have joined the Taliban, been sworn at in front of my children. Its ridiculous really. But Now I have got used to it.

Another horrid situation, I was roughly 8 months pregnant with my second child. This was about 7 years ago and I was with my eldest at the time he was about 5 or 6. We were at the local shop getting some bits and pieces and a man behind me in the queue was effing and blinding I was taking too long. It's true, I was but, I was heavily pregnant. I turned round and said excuse me , I am 8 months pregnant I am just struggling a bit. He then started challenging me to fight him. A full on fist fight. It was horrible. He was cursing in front of my child. I wasnt even wearing a hijab at this point, I was new to islam , so I knew it couldn't have been to do with that. He was then telling me to come outside. And from the shop doors he was begging me to come and signalling with his hands to come and fight him. At the point I realised he has severe mental issues. He was doing all sorts if random things outside and talking to himself and so on. The shop workers called the police and my husband came straight over to get me and our ds. The man eventually left and the police couldn't find him. Turns out he handed himself into the local police station.
A few months later I was on the bus going home and he walked past the bus. He was again talking to himself. I felt sorry for him .he turned round and saw me sitting on the bus and he waved and gave me the thumbs up. I smiled and waved back to show I have no grudge. Since then , no problem with him. I hope he's doing better now with his mental health and has the support he needs. Because I thought to myself at the times he maybe didn't understand what he was doing, and god teaches us to forgive and move on.

Another situation is when I lived in london. Cat called 24 bloody 7. Men calling you, yelling for you, even to the extent of where you tell them you're not interested, it's fine you're ugly anyway. Haha yep. You wanted my phone number because I am so darn hideous.

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