Recent thread, a new mum, sad that her own mother hadn't got her a card or a gift for the baby. She had lots of "you sound grabby" responses and a few posters claiming they weren't aware buying gifts or sending cards for new babies "was a thing"!?
I was on that! I hate that ‘didn’t know it was a thing’ reply, so dismissive like such things are beneath you. As I said on that thread, to not know new baby card/gifts are a thing you’d have to have never received one, never given one, never been in a card shop to see them, never visited someone with a new baby and noticed their cards up, never seen it happen on tv. Come on, really?
There were a few towards the beginning of lockdown of new mums or pregnant women finding it hard, missing out on having friends and family support, not being able to go to groups etc. There was one where a struggling new mum who was recovering from a very traumatic birth was clearly after some help, but because she had the temerity to mention that maternity leave petition (which she stressed she didn’t actually support or sign) she was ripped to shreds. It was SO awful to see. Not just that thread but lots of others like it from new mums. I’ve seen so many replies along the lines of:
‘Oh my god I can’t believe you’re so naive and ENTITLED to think that you might have liked some support from your family. My family have never helped me with anything, ever. I don’t even live in the same hemisphere as them. Most people don’t have family support you know, how naive and ENTITLED to think they do. Especially in a pandemic where people are LITERALLY DYING. I know someone whose husband was in the military and was deployed the second her contractions started and she didn’t have a single relative in the world and no friends either, she’d actually never even met another person and SHE GOT ON WITH IT BECAUSE SHE WAS NOT NAIVE AND ENTITLED. Friends? FRIENDS?! Nobody actually has any friends you just think they do because you’re naive and entitled. Some of us are just grateful to have a healthy baby you know. As if you are sad because you can’t go to baby groups anyway, they are all literally the worst thing in the world, full of entitled bitches like you, they have never helped any new mum ever feel less isolated or make any friends or even just get out of the house, instead of sitting at home looking at their healthy baby and being grateful like they should be.’
I just find it such an odd attitude to come across on what’s ostensibly a parenting site.
The best was the woman at the start of lockdown who was a bit worried about the rules changing and whether she’d be allowed a birth partner. Apart from the many posters claiming to have given birth alone and found it the best thing ever, there was one who told her she should be grateful she wasn’t having to give birth in a refugee camp.
The other ones I’ve noticed are when a poster asks for advice about their partner being hurtful or making unkind comments about their weight. There was one recently where the woman was clearly in a toxic, if not abusive relationship with a man who taunted her about her weight gain, treated her desire for children as something to mock, dangling it to keep her with him but then telling her he’d never have children with her, refused her a holiday, was unsupportive of her disability- leaving her stranded when she needed help, did nothing but game all day and insult her etc. The amount of people who could read all that and all they could come up with was ‘well if MY partner put on 2 stone I wouldn’t fancy them anymore, it’s just not attractive’ was staggering. Ok love, we get you don’t fancy fatties but do you not think there might be a tiny bit more going on here?