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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Seperation-where are my kids

118 replies

Preston321 · 30/06/2020 11:50

So my ex has moved on and living with his new gf, my girls go and stay with them. That's all fine but all I ask is the adress to know where my kids are. He won't inform me. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
justanotherone123 · 30/06/2020 11:52

By law I don't think he has to tell you. Like you I would want to know though.

heartsonacake · 30/06/2020 11:53

It’s unusual but you don’t have a right to know it.

Penguinsarethebestest · 30/06/2020 11:54

That's ridiculous, poor you he sounds like an awkward idiot.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 30/06/2020 11:56

Is there a reason he won't give you the address? I know there's been threads on here where the woman asks if she needs to give an address as her ex is jealous/nasty/turns up drunk etc.

Is that what you would be likely to do with the info?

BurtsBeesKnees · 30/06/2020 11:57

I'd not be happy with this at all. So you have no idea where your kids are staying when your ex has them? What happens if there's an emergency and you need to collect the kids?

GreyishDays · 30/06/2020 12:00

How old are your children? Can you ask them or add a tracker to a device that they take?

Original poster
Preston321 · 30/06/2020 12:00

There 150 miles between us when they go there. I'm not going to be showing up or causing problems. I just believe in an emergency if they were there and called me in a panic say, I'd need to know. and as a mum I want to know at lease roughly where they are. I wouldn't let them sleep at a mates when their older without knowing their adress

OP posts:
Original poster
Preston321 · 30/06/2020 12:02

Sorry wrong reply lol. They are two and four

OP posts:
ChipotleBlessing · 30/06/2020 12:02

How old are they?

HeeeeyDuggee · 30/06/2020 12:02

Unfortunately he doesn’t need to tell you. 100% it’s a dickhead move on his part but I’m not surprised.

My ex did the same thing (although I knew where he was because our Childminder’s Assistant lived close by him and mentioned to me she’s seen him there) eventually he had to tell me because he needed me to pick up DS but I’m sure it was just about him being in control and having “power” over me

heartsonacake · 30/06/2020 12:02

Sleeping at their mates is different to staying with their father, their equal other parent.

Unfortunately you don’t have the right to know it. Just hope relations between you improve and he tells you in time.

WorraLiberty · 30/06/2020 12:02

YANBU I'd want to know.

But what's the reasoning? Is there any history of you causing problems at his home?

slipperywhensparticus · 30/06/2020 12:02

He is telling people you are a crazy ex

My ex played that line I point out it's his first ex wife that is the nut I just need to know in case his car breaks down or the kids want to come home early (both happened when he was living at his moms and I collected the kids no issues) but he is hell bent on me not knowing 🤷‍♀️ my son takes his mobile phone now which has an app which tells me where he is 🤣 ex hates this and went ballistic but as I said ds1 loses everything so a tracker on his phone is a sensible precaution 🤷‍♀️ I still haven't stalked him or harassed him he however texts me asking me whose car was outside my house the other week I pointed out it's a public highway anyone can park there he was "just wondering" apparently my response was ......its been nearly 6 years wander off

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 30/06/2020 12:03

Do you both have a friend in common? Can you both agree that this friend will hold the address and, in a case of emergency, act as a go between?

Original poster
Preston321 · 30/06/2020 12:03

There 150 miles between us when they go there. I'm not going to be showing up or causing problems. I just believe in an emergency if they were there and called me in a panic say, I'd need to know. and as a mum I want to know at lease roughly where they are. I wouldn't let them sleep at a mates when their older without knowing their adress

OP posts:
Bbang · 30/06/2020 12:03

Who’s house is it? If it’s the GF’s she has every right to not want you to know it. And honestly legally he really doesn’t have to tell you and if there was ever an emergency I’m sure dad would have it covered until she got home to your house.

peekaboob · 30/06/2020 12:04

I was going to suggest the same @GreyishDays . My ex used to leave my 5 and 7 year old with random strangers at theme parks so he could take eldest on rides they weren't tall enough for. So for me it was a safety thing in case they were abducted.

Settlersofcatan · 30/06/2020 12:06

Why do you need to know?

If there was an emergency, someone would call you and they could then tell you the address, surely?

Also - if it's about emergencies, what about when they go out? Do they need to tell you the address of everywhere they go in case of emergency?

Bbang · 30/06/2020 12:06

Please don’t send your kids with a tracker on, how would you feel if your ex did the same and used it to monitor your movements. That’s creepy, use one at your home but not at others without their consent.

TheFaerieQueene · 30/06/2020 12:07

Are the children old enough for a mobile phone? If so can you track them with that?

Original poster
Preston321 · 30/06/2020 12:15

I'm not asking for house number and full adress. All I know is my kids are in kent. It's a big place. I just feel like as a mum I should know where my kids are.

OP posts:
Bbang · 30/06/2020 12:18

I totally get how you’re feeling but the reality is you want it but you don’t need it nor are you owed it.

I’d move on and expend your energy on more important things.

ArnoldSweatyknickers · 30/06/2020 12:19

I just believe in an emergency if they were there and called me in a panic say, I'd need to know.

If they called you in a panic because you needed to go there,would they just not give you the address then?

Sunnydayshereatlast · 30/06/2020 12:20

When I moved the judge involved in our case ordered I had to tell exh before the dc came..

Itsjustabitofbanter · 30/06/2020 12:21

It’s not unreasonable to want to know. Unfortunately it’s not enforceable by law. He doesn’t have to tell you