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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Seperation-where are my kids

118 replies

Preston321 · 30/06/2020 11:50

So my ex has moved on and living with his new gf, my girls go and stay with them. That's all fine but all I ask is the adress to know where my kids are. He won't inform me. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
MintyMabel · 01/07/2020 09:44

N/C fail?

Im simply a mum who cares enough where her kids are

They are with their father. You don’t need to know where they are.

FlaskMaster · 01/07/2020 09:49

My kids have a watch with a GPS tracker in which also allows them to call me at the touch of a button. It's an emergency thing in case they get lost if we're out somewhere or if something happens as they're walking to school. I really rate them for peace of mind. Why don't you get one for yours? They might be a bit young for it, but on the other hand it's much easier for them to call you on that if there's a problem or they miss you etc than using a phone which they're definitely too young for.

EveleftEden · 01/07/2020 10:54

@EveleftEden if it helps, I’m an ex social worker and I would not be happy with a mother (Or father) not being told where her children are without there being a specific need for that information to be kept confidential

However social workers are often dealing with situations where there are lots of other factors and difficult relationships so maybe that’s the perspective that the commenter was coming from

Anyway did the op didn’t mention involvement of social care in the court process?

No you right she didn’t I was just replying to atomicblond upthread. But it’s good to know that some SW can show empathy. I suppose it just depends on the type of personality the SW has

EveleftEden · 01/07/2020 10:57

@atomicblonde30

Good morning *@EveleftEden*.

Let’s remember to not let any prejudices about social work cloud your judgement, I’m not prepared to make any grand speech or declaration also I really don’t need to.

All I would like to say is I was speaking from an evidence based lived experience of my career so far and not my own personal viewpoint over the situation here, I don’t think how I feel about this emotionally or morally is going to help here. Please don’t confuse the two for the two are vastly different.

I’m aware mumsnet detests a social worker but let stay in reality and not twist the narrative to fit the hate.

I am really not surprised at your patronising post at all. Just remember you one of thousands of SW and hopefully not all think or behave like you.
TheBusDriver · 01/07/2020 11:20

To the original poster do you let the father know where the children are at all times?

atomicblonde30 · 01/07/2020 11:35

@EveleftEden

I’ve not been patronising in the slightest, I will advocate for myself when someone tells me I’m doing/saying/thinking something I’m not simply because they dislike my profession.

midnightstar66 · 01/07/2020 12:07

To the original poster do you let the father know where the children are at all times?

Probably not but I bet he knows where their home is! Not the same, I don't know where exp takes dc and I don't care as long as I know where they are living signs they are with him!

EveleftEden · 01/07/2020 13:40

[quote atomicblonde30]@EveleftEden

I’ve not been patronising in the slightest, I will advocate for myself when someone tells me I’m doing/saying/thinking something I’m not simply because they dislike my profession.[/quote]
You’ve got it totally wrong. I dislike your point of views. I’m sure there are great SW out there - and some not so great. A SW that lacks empathy is not so great.

atomicblonde30 · 01/07/2020 15:55

Like I said @EveleftEden you have no idea about how I feel personally, morally or even emotionally about this matter. And I’m not going to divulge that nor should I have to because a stranger on the internet has decided they know better than me about myself.

I’ve simply spoken from an evidence based perspective, I’m not going to lie and spew out platitudes to make the OP feel better I’m going to tell the truth and speak frankly. I’ve also given advice on how OP can tackle this legally and emotionally alongside my empathy and understanding which I touched on, briefly yes but I’d feel uncomfortable doing anything else as I don’t have the full picture and facts and I’m not shooting or working with OP so I never will do.

It’s very short sighted to make a decision on someone else’s capability of empathy based on a few lines of writing you misconstrued despite me saying you aren’t correct several times, you seem he’ll bent of think what you want to suit your narrative of me and there’s nothing I can do about that so it is what it is. I’m happy with my advice, empathy and conduct on here.

Have a nice afternoon.

nancybotwinbloom · 01/07/2020 16:02

You can pay a company online to find his address.

I did it with my ex as we were receiving abusive calls and texts from him.

It costs about £35 from memory and you don't have to tell him you know.

BraveGoldie · 01/07/2020 16:28

We simply don't know whether there is reasonable case not to share the address because we have only one side of the story -
It could be that he is being totally unreasonable and using this as a way to stress OP. It could be that the OP is unstable, attacking, controlling and he or his partner are genuinely uneasy at the idea of her knowing where they live.

Both situations happen a lot unfortunately, which is why the courts probably have to work on a case by case basis.

reinacorriendo · 01/07/2020 16:48

My ex does this, I tell him when we going on holiday, leave him flight times and numbers, hotel address and phone number etc.

He won’t tell where he’s going in UK, didn’t even want to tell me he was getting married, I don’t care I need to know where you are going with our daughter because if you have a crash and die and she dies and don’t come back and I phone the police and say well she went to his house on Friday and they went on holiday some where in the UK don’t know where he wouldn’t tell me it’s a bit shit. She had a phone and he made her leave it in his house, I told him I pay for that and it’s hers to take and has not right to stop her using it when he pays he picks when she can use it, Idiot.

We actually get on really well and I’m upfront and tell him because I have nothing to hide from him and I think he should know where I am taking his DD, other than being a twat with information over stupid things that are so petty he’s good with everything else.

FlaskMaster · 01/07/2020 18:53

@nancybotwinbloom

You can pay a company online to find his address.

I did it with my ex as we were receiving abusive calls and texts from him.

It costs about £35 from memory and you don't have to tell him you know.

Which company?
nancybotwinbloom · 01/07/2020 19:33

Let me see if I still have the email hang on.

Also we bought an oaxis my first fone.

This has a tracker in. It's a watch phone.

FlaskMaster · 01/07/2020 23:18

Thank you!

HollowTalk · 01/07/2020 23:20

I wouldn't let them go unless I knew the address. It would have to go to court before I'd agree to that.

GreenTulips · 01/07/2020 23:23

Get a cheap iPhone
Add 4G
Set up a Snapchat account
Make sure the ‘find me’ app is on
Or even ‘find my iPhone’

If it’s left in a bag it won’t be found until it’s too late - say the 4 year old took it

Job done

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