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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have a clue what I did wrong?

206 replies

Stationclare · 29/06/2020 20:40

Back story
Inexperienced driver, not massively confident, but getting there.
Journey to work is horrible. Inner city. Dodgy aggressive drivers.
There are a few routes that i can take but I take the shortest and most familiar. There is one part I hate.
Anyhow, I always stay in the left hand lane but at this one part there are sometimes parked cars so I move to right hand lane. This was the case today. I indicated and moved over.
Next thing I heard police sirens behind me. I thought shit.
Did I do a dodgy manoeuvre? I didnt see the police prior to this btw.
They then moved into the left lane next to me. The officer driving, mouthed at me " are you fucking stupid?".
Well I feel fucking stupid. Now im thinking was he trying to get past and i Didnt let him out and didn't pay attention as i was too busy trying to keep safe on that dodgy road.

OP posts:
Original poster
Stationclare · 30/06/2020 10:29

othereweare. You are talking crap. Nowt to do with police, but he was clearly an aggressive twat. End of.
Would be been saw me if he was a regular driver yelling abuse. I'd have expected that but not from a police officer.

OP posts:
Original poster
Stationclare · 30/06/2020 10:32

Nokids
Yeah good idea.
Oh don't get me wrong. I'm not a shrinking violet. I expect people to yell and me to yell too from time to time!
Think just bit shook up that this involved the police.

OP posts:
Ohtherewearethen · 30/06/2020 10:39

You have actually said that the police officer was the reason you were so shaken up! And a couple of times suggested that he should treat you differently because you're female! Should women get away with being unsafe drivers? You also frequently highlight other people's bad driving as though it somehow absolves you of yours. You seem to think that everybody should make exceptions for you rather than you being expected to toe the line like everybody else.

Original poster
Stationclare · 30/06/2020 11:03

Jesus Christ
I have no bloody issues with the police.
Only positive interactions previouslySmile
No other driving incidents.
I was shook up that he was so aggressive as it made me feel I must have done something awful.
As another poster pointed out i may have stopepd him getting to a rapist or paedophile quicker(yeah thanks for that too).
I dont expect to be treated different as im a woman, no. But I do find it slightly more inappropriate when a man is so aggressive to a woman ,yes.
And unsettling when it's a police officer. Maybe I'm old fashioned.

OP posts:
Original poster
Stationclare · 30/06/2020 11:06

Hopefully as I'm an unsafe driver the other officer will have taken my number or had me in dash cam and will be in touch to tell me properly and professionally what I did wrong.
Which I now, on reflection believe to be not moving lanes to let the police past.
I wasn't doing it to be a twat. I was confused and flustered
If that means unsafe. I hold my hands up.

OP posts:
Ohtherewearethen · 30/06/2020 11:10

He mouthed some words to you through two windows from a car away. You are sure he swore but there's a chance he didn't. I personally would have tried to apologise for my error then or just looked away. Using the word 'fucking' isn't always aggressive. I don't think you can say you genuinely felt threatened by a police officer in a car next to you, at traffic lights, in a public place, with his colleague there among others, responding to an emergency. He hurt your feelings but you seem to be focussing on this as a sort of, 'well I may have done the wrong thing but he said a naughty word to me and he's a policeman and I'm a woman so he's worse'. That's just how your posts come across.

Original poster
Stationclare · 30/06/2020 11:14

You are hilarious
He did swear
And it was aggressive. I can see facial expressions through a glass window quite clear
I wasn't threatened or frightened.
Just shocked and flustered.
I didnt think he was going to get out and beat me up with his truncheon.
Jesus.

OP posts:
Original poster
Stationclare · 30/06/2020 11:15

Are you fucking stupid?? Is aggressive in my book.

OP posts:
OfTheNight · 30/06/2020 11:15

I’m not really sure why you started a thread asking for opinions on what you might have done wrong, when you don’t really care about that part of your story, just the bit about the aggressive sweary policeman. Like lots of us have suggested, make a complaint.

Ellisandra · 30/06/2020 11:16

He shouldn’t have sworn, but he’s in a high stress situation (blue light driving having to anticipate your driving) so honestly - given it was your fault - why would you not just think, “my bad” and let it go?

As for pulling your gender into it Confused come on. This wasn’t a random man on the street.

Viviennemary · 30/06/2020 11:18

You should be concentrating on the road and being a safe driver. Not peering into cars trying to lip read what their drivers are saying. An emergency vehicle was trying to pass you so you should move safely out of the way to allow that.

Original poster
Stationclare · 30/06/2020 11:19

No that's not what my original post said at all. I asked what i may have done wrong.
I was extra confused and anxious by tgthe e police reaction. Thats all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Stationclare · 30/06/2020 11:19

*by the police reaction

OP posts:
birdwatching · 30/06/2020 11:19

I learned to check inside mirror, then outside mirror and a quick check over the shoulder to cover a potential blind spot. Sounds like something went wrong there.

Police was still out of order to swear.

Don't overthink. write it off as experience and learn from it.

Mintjulia · 30/06/2020 11:20

Any police officer using the phrase “fucking stupid” should be reported immediately. Go to the local station front office, and give the location and time. Complain loudly.

It sounds like maybe you didn’t use an indicator or mirror, or simply misjudged the speed of a car coming up behind you, which is very easy to do because mirrors do not show distance accurately.

Either way, anyone behind you must be able to stop in the distance he can see, as per the Highway Code, so please don’t let this hit your confidence.

It sounds like you simply met an arrogant tosser of a policeman. They do exist.

Original poster
Stationclare · 30/06/2020 11:22

[grin]@Viviennemarymy favourite response so far.
Peering into cars.
Lip reading Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Stationclare · 30/06/2020 11:24

Mintjulia
I May. I might just admit I made a driving mistake and didnt move out of the way.
I've got nothing to be ashamed of.

OP posts:
FudgeBrownie2019 · 30/06/2020 11:24

The Officer using those words was being a dick - drivers make errors, anyone who's driven for more than a couple of weeks knows that.

YANBU to feel cross that he swore - it's shit. Maybe he was having an awful day. It sounds like you made a simple error and he reacted badly, some people just get cross over small things.

Original poster
Stationclare · 30/06/2020 11:27

Thanks.
I need to move on now. I made a mistake.
I will super aware of my surroundings now. Particular care with mirrors etc.
I'd hoped to make some sense of a situation that i hadn't come across before.

OP posts:
squiglet111 · 30/06/2020 11:28

They must have been behind you for some time if they eventually went in the left hand lane to over take you. To me it sounds like you panicked and stopped thinking and didn't react fast enough. Hopefully with time you will get better at driving.

Also, does this road have many cars park on left? If so I would avoid driving in it. An experience driver wouldn't go into a left lane if they knew you could get stuck in it. Usually it's the speed racers that use it to get ahead of traffic then try to sneak back in when there is a parked car. To avoid getting into these situations stay right and do the speed limit. (Unless a police car is behind you of course....then you move to the left!)

Hingeandbracket · 30/06/2020 11:30

@Mintjulia

Any police officer using the phrase “fucking stupid” should be reported immediately. Go to the local station front office, and give the location and time. Complain loudly.

It sounds like maybe you didn’t use an indicator or mirror, or simply misjudged the speed of a car coming up behind you, which is very easy to do because mirrors do not show distance accurately.

Either way, anyone behind you must be able to stop in the distance he can see, as per the Highway Code, so please don’t let this hit your confidence.

It sounds like you simply met an arrogant tosser of a policeman. They do exist.

I agree he was a tosser.

Don't waste time making a complaint though.

They will just lie about it.

I have personal experience.

Bloops · 30/06/2020 11:34

Just try to let it go OP. I hate driving. I've driven once in about 3 years. It gives me terrible anxiety. Try not to let it put you off otherwise you'll end up like me. Mistakes happen, noones perfect.

Fishypants · 30/06/2020 11:36

It's amazing, how many posters refuse to believe that a police officer swore. Talk about gaslighting! ( Are you sure he said that? Can you lip read? You admit you don't pay attention so how can you be sure you heard him correctly?) Utter denial.

The OP has been very clear about what the officer said. Would you deny her account if she claimed that a civilian male driver said that? Would we be so eager to disbelieve her? Questioning her experience? Doubting the evidence of her own senses?

Police swear and can be unprofessional. Deal with it.

laurenlodge · 30/06/2020 11:37

@Stationclare

Hopefully as I'm an unsafe driver the other officer will have taken my number or had me in dash cam and will be in touch to tell me properly and professionally what I did wrong. Which I now, on reflection believe to be not moving lanes to let the police past. I wasn't doing it to be a twat. I was confused and flustered If that means unsafe. I hold my hands up.
I think the police probably have much better things to be doing than suggesting corrections for an incompetent driver.

It's not on them to tell you how to improve. It's your, and only your, responsibility to be a safe driver. If you aren't one, you shouldn't be driving. If you don't have the awareness while on the road to notice a police car behind/next to you I'd imagine that should speak for itself.

bluegreygreen · 30/06/2020 11:52

The OP has been very clear about what the officer said

Except that she didn't hear it and the erskn in the thread who uses lipreading has pointed out that the phrase isn't clear to read. What is clear is that his manner was aggressive, which it shouldn't have been.

However, the important part of the story is that the OP has said that she isn't always aware of her surroundings when driving, and she's been involved in an incident and still isn't sure what happened.

Posters have suggested ways of further training to help. OP feels that these are unnecessary.

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