Housekeeping - am I missing something?

[overweightcat]

Our house is a bit small for us but not too bad.
We have lots of stuff but everything generally has its place and I try to declutter as and when.
We don't have a dishwasher which is a chore of its own as I feel constantly chained to the sink if I don't want a mountain of dishes at the end of the day.

I love it when it's clean, it usually builds up though and then I tackle it all in a day or two and it looks great....
But once it's clean I find that if don't go around CONSTANTLY tidying, cleaning or picking stuff up its back to a mess within a few hours. I feel that unless I never sit down and relax my house will never be clean. It's so relentless and boring.

Whenever I visit some of my friends be it planned or an unplanned visit they have beautiful immaculate houses, yes with some toys etc strewn about if they have kids but it's tidy and neat and relaxing and they always seem relaxed too.

What am I missing? Is there some secret handbook I've never read???

[EspressoX10]

We declutter ruthlessly, have fewer things than most people and we do at least two (quick) daily resets of the house.

We reset after breakfast (or after lunch on the weekends) and after dinner.

House gets back to original tidy state, we go to school/work leaving a clean orderly place and same when we go to sleep.

It's a lot easier when you have less clutter and junk. I notice it's hard work after Christmas and birthdays when there's extra stuff around.

[Notcontent]

You are not alone OP! I keep wondering whether I am doing something wrong - whether other people manage to keep their houses clean and tidy without constant housework - but no, I don’t think so. Although I think it’s definitely easier if you live alone.

At my house it’s just me and young teen DD. DD keeps her room tidy and helps out with a few things but I obviously do more. There is always washing to put away, kitchen to clean up, etc. We eat reasonably simple meals but there is always a mess after every meal - particularly now, when we have every meal at home.

[JaniceWebster]

Women will never be free until we never have to clean a house again on our own. But it seems to be mostly accepted that we will. Ugh.

does it? Why do you think most women clean on their own? Most couples I know share chores. I'd guess women are less likely to start thread on MN saying "my DH does half or more than me in chores"

[JaniceWebster]

but there is always a mess after every meal
Why? here comes the luxury of a dishwasher: when you fill it as you go when cooking, and put all dirty dishes once you are finished, all it takes is a good wipe of the work surface and the kitchen is as new. Unless you have a mammoth kitchen, it doesn't take that long at all.

[Soreeye]

I always think this. That the only way to have a constantly tidy house is to just never actually sit down and relax in it because you need to always be cleaning it and putting things away.

[Soreeye]

@EspressoX10 how do you manage not too attach guilt onto items in order to be able to declutter ruthlessly? I’m not a hoarder by any stretch of the imagination but I feel as though people are constantly just giving us stuff! Craft sets for the kids, puzzle books etc and the worst thing is those bloody bags for life. The Disney/charity ones you pay £1 at the checkout in Tesco. We’ve got hundreds of them that people just seem to fill with junk and hand over. I then feel so guilty about getting rid of it.

I appreciate gifts but some of it actually annoys me. I think why do I have to display this cushion on my childs bed where it matches nothing else in the room but you’ve given it to them therefore we have a duty to use it?!

Apologies for the rant

[WeAllHaveWings]

We have always managed to tidy as we go along (dishwasher really does help) and taught ds to do this too when finished with toys etc, so even now as a teenager he automatically does it, even in his own room. Cleaning is a bit harder, especially now with a moulting labrador!!!

Once the dog is gone (will miss him terribly 😢 but he costs a fortune 💷 in insurance and dog walking service) I've told dh we are getting a cleaner !!!!!

[saltycat]

JaniceWebster

Yes, in general women clean and men go to their man caves while the cleaning is being done. I know some men help out, but it is not a priority for them really they have more important things to do of course.

[Socialdistancegintonic]

It’s just soooo nice and calming to have a tidy, serene house though. I do way less housework than most of my friends yet my house in incredibly clean and tidy. Well tidy and cleaning is fine.

It does help having a big house, however it’s just the mindset. As soon as things start to ‘pile up’, every month I’d say, I go in and be ruthless. That goes for clothes, paperwork, food, books.

I have one small Two-tier table downstairs where I put my laptop and papers, or anything else. Everything else is in cupboards and bookshelves. My kids don’t leave toys everywhere, my teenager uses his bedroom mostly. I ask him to put plates etc by the sink, and not leave stuff everywhere downstairs, but relaxed about his own mess. Youngest plays a lot outside and on ipad so there isn’t a million toys.

It really is easier to get a nice house and it’s lovely to sit in it. I really like being in my living room.

[Socialdistancegintonic]

[quote Soreeye]@EspressoX10 how do you manage not too attach guilt onto items in order to be able to declutter ruthlessly? I’m not a hoarder by any stretch of the imagination but I feel as though people are constantly just giving us stuff! Craft sets for the kids, puzzle books etc and the worst thing is those bloody bags for life. The Disney/charity ones you pay £1 at the checkout in Tesco. We’ve got hundreds of them that people just seem to fill with junk and hand over. I then feel so guilty about getting rid of it.

I appreciate gifts but some of it actually annoys me. I think why do I have to display this cushion on my childs bed where it matches nothing else in the room but you’ve given it to them therefore we have a duty to use it?!

Apologies for the rant [/quote]
Be ruthless. If I open a present and it’s rubbish, I say thanks very much and then put it straight by the washing machine into the charity bag. I always have a charity bag on the go. Or if I feel really guilty I put it out to use, and in my monthly declutter I just put it into the charity bag anyway.

And just start saying that you can’t fit it in anymore, thanks.

[saltycat]

No men, no pets, no kids. Sounds idyllic.

But you sign up for what you agree to. And cleaning and cooking is mostly women's work anyway. Feminism is not about trans going into their toilets. The fundamentals have never been dealt with in general.

But maybe women like to be in control or something. So they clean, raise the kids and cook.

Not a good look for a couple sharing a home anyway. And I know many couples actually do share the burden, but the reality is that most posts here about cleaning are not from men.

[Quarantimespringclean]

I think it’s a matter of perception. In our own home we focus on what isn’t right - I notice that the living room needs a vacuum, that the kitchen tiles are smeared, that the same pile of clean washing has been waiting to be put away for 3 days. I don’t notice the carefully closed colour palette or appreciate the lovely scent of my reed diffusers. OTOH if I visit someone else I see their friendly smile or like being offered a coffee and a biscuit. I might admire a new painting or the way they’ve planted their vegetable patch. What I’m not doing is scanning the carpets for fluff or looking for a ring around the loo.

Give yourself a break OP. Be as kind and appreciative to yourself as you are to others.

[JaniceWebster]

Soreeye

what would you do if you put your house on the market next week?

Be ruthless with your books. Some you love and you know will read over and over - keep. Read the others again, you should know before the final chapter if you need to get rid off.

Decide how many bags for life you need, and give the rest away to your food bank. Check first, but my local one is always desperate for bags.

[JaniceWebster]

But maybe women like to be in control or something. So they clean, raise the kids and cook.

Not a good look for a couple sharing a home anyway. And I know many couples actually do share the burden, but the reality is that most posts here about cleaning are not from men.

but most of the posters on here are female, and again, likely to be from people with negative experience. You don't start one because you are happy with what you consider normal. I know many men who are a lot more organised and house proud than their wives!

You have a very old fashion view of relationships.

[Barbararara]

I always end up recommending the podcast a slob comes clean on these threads. it’s aimed at people who are not naturally organised and the author explains slob-brain tendencies and strategies to counteract them.
I used to spend so much time and energy trying to get my house presentable but never quite getting traction. But I’ve really got to grips with it since following this blog. The dc have been at home and underfoot for the last four months, and while my house isn’t a show house, I wouldn’t panic if guests were due in ten minutes. I needed help to figure out what jobs need to be done everyday, what jobs are worth investing time and energy in, and what not to do.
She explains the weird phenomena of slob brains like slob vision which blinds you to seeing incremental mess, and time passage awareness disorder where you don’t do a quick job because you’ve convinced yourself it will take too long, but you think you can clean the whole house in an evening. It’s funny, but genuinely insightful. But probably one to stay away from if you’re naturally clean and tidy.

[Grandmi]

You definitely see your own mess !! I am exactly the same ...listen to what people say about your lovely home and it will be the same as what you think about your friends home . 💐

[saltycat]

Janice,

I doubt it, men go to work (as do women) and they expect a meal and a clean house.

Well I know it is not all men but it is a general perception.

Women need to stop obsessing about the house being clinically clean, no one cares as we are all in the same boat.

The feminism threads on here are totally obsessed with the Trans thing, leaving ordinary life for most people behind.

[TimeWastingButFun]

Never leave a room empty handed, have a wicker basket in each room for any random stuff that needs putting away later in the eve, a home for literally everything, dishwasher (put every plate, cup, teaspoon in there before putting it down anywhere), all paperwork in a tray on the desk ready for going through later in the day and a timetable for which days to clean which rooms (I've started following TOMM method, although I've changed which days to do which rooms according to other commitments). And always be ready for not only a guest to drop in but for them to stay overnight as well - it really helped me stop using the guest room as a dumping room!

[TheRealMummyPig]

I don't think there is a magic solution but for me I find the following helps: dishwasher, Dyson, a place for everything and tidying/cleaning as you go.
With little ones, toys are inevitable but I just try to scoop them into storage baskets at the end of the day or if someone is coming over.

[CrunchyCarrot]

My house is never immaculate - oh except on the day we moved in! My mother used to be incredibly house-proud and was always cleaning and tidying. Years later she said 'all my life is about is cleaning! I'm miserable'. I have never had her energy and figure no matter how clean I get the house today, tomorrow entropy will ensue and it'll all go back to disorder. So I live with a certain degree of chaos, because life is about more than cleaning!

But yes, if MIL Is coming over I will knock myself out cleaning!

[teaflake]

CrunchyCarrot, my mother used to say 'I haven't sat down all day', presumably meaning she'd been doing housework all day.
Even as a child, I thought that was stupid.

I haven't followed in her footsteps...

[EmeraldShamrock]

I think it needs constant tidying and cleaning depending on the amount living there. I generally don't keep clutter I don't have a dishwasher. I need to tidy it every day. I do a deep clean weekly on a room skirting, switches etc.
I wash dishes after each meal and put them away, I only keep 5 plates 5 bowls 5 side plates so they don't build up and need a wash after use.
My floors get filthy and could be done daily they're my lazy side. A day will never pass without doing the smell chores = one laundry wash a day, empty bins daily, wash dishes dried in food takes twice the work, dust doesn't smell.

[81Byerley]

@JaniceWebster I genuinely didn't, either, until I had a friend that was so ultra-houseproud that I felt inferior after my first (unannounced) visit to her home. That might have been alright, except that I was telling her about something I'd heard on Woman's Hour, when a woman had been talking about PND, and she'd said 'I couldn't manage to do normal things in the house, like I left it 3 months to clean my inside windows, instead of weekly, like most people do'. I laughed and said "We moved in a year ago, and I did ours then...." And my friend replied "A year?? The inside of the windows is surely just part of cleaning a room? So when you polish the furniture every morning, you polish the windows as well?". She was serious. And the next time she visited, she walked up to the window, and said "You still haven't done them yet, then!" I said to her "The cleaning stuff is under the sink, feel free" but inside I was highly embarrassed, and it made me paranoid about what other people thought when they visited.

[EmeraldShamrock]

@Barbararara I may listen to it, I'm naturally disorganised, cleaning takes time, my concentration is shit. I'd love to be natural organised I do things in sets of five so I hold concentration. My Dsis and DP can clean up an entire house in an hour. Personally if my house is messy it causes me more distress not being able to find things. Definite ADD undiagnosed

[notso]

In my experience people with very tidy houses more often than not have at least one of the following in common,

1. they spend most of their time outside of the house either working, kids in school/childcare, visiting or activities or all of those,
   
2. they have extra rooms, spare room, playroom, utility room, several bathrooms,
   
3. they don't cook much,
   
4. they pay a cleaner or have someone who cleans for them,
   
   Other things help, dishwasher, robot vacuum, adequate storage and minimal stuff, a routine such as TOMM, Fly Lady.
   However I've had a dishwasher and followed the organised mum method for years, and while they helped significantly it's only been since we moved and gained extra rooms, therefore moving me into one of those categories that I feel my house is pretty much always tidy and I don't spend all day keeping on top of it.