Housekeeping - am I missing something?

[overweightcat]

Our house is a bit small for us but not too bad.
We have lots of stuff but everything generally has its place and I try to declutter as and when.
We don't have a dishwasher which is a chore of its own as I feel constantly chained to the sink if I don't want a mountain of dishes at the end of the day.

I love it when it's clean, it usually builds up though and then I tackle it all in a day or two and it looks great....
But once it's clean I find that if don't go around CONSTANTLY tidying, cleaning or picking stuff up its back to a mess within a few hours. I feel that unless I never sit down and relax my house will never be clean. It's so relentless and boring.

Whenever I visit some of my friends be it planned or an unplanned visit they have beautiful immaculate houses, yes with some toys etc strewn about if they have kids but it's tidy and neat and relaxing and they always seem relaxed too.

What am I missing? Is there some secret handbook I've never read???

[Paranoidmarvin]

It is just me ,my husband and my 16 year old. My house stays tidy. He stays in his room the entire time. I tidy before bed. So the house is tidy in the morning as I hate to wake up to a mess. I tidy as I go.

[vanillandhoney]

Do you have a partner and children? Why aren't they doing their fair share of housework?

[Clockonmantlepiece]

When you go round to friends houses that is not how they live. It's super tidy.
Even for my closest oldest friends if they say they're coming round, even with 15 mins, I tidy whole house.

Also I'll run through what I do as single mum with 2 kids:

Daily, put out breakfast things, afterwards wash up, wipe down kitchen. Same with lunch with more cooking. I hoover downstairs once a day usually before dinner / evening meal, while its cooking. I cook it too and wash up after. Trying to get eldest (age 14) to do this more.

Kids put own toys/stuff away. Always have.
I like a lived in look, like in 'home and garden' so I have lots of things but they're all meant to be there. I tend to tidy coffee table daily as I like that clear apart from fruit bowl. I give the kids things to take upstairs. I don't tidy kids rooms, they do it but they're both over 11yo now (apart from to hoover normally fortnightly but they don't eat in rooms.) Eat at kitchen table or sofa.
I put bins out and clean kitchen floor and deep clean bathroom twice a week usually first thing before (my) breakfast or sometimes in evening.
Periodically dust/ clean inside windows. Should do that more.

None of above takes long. Bin/floors/bathroom is longest job at 30 mins. Hoovering takes 5/10 mins a day. I don't move furniture. Do that maybe 3 monthly.

[Icantrememebrtheartist]

Oh I sympathise OP! I feel the same.

Apart from I never reach the stage where my home is lovely, clean and tidy and I feel relaxed...ever!

But I have a toddler and two preschoolers at home with me all day everyday!

[underneaththeash]

My house is always clean and tidy - I have three older children 14,11 and 9. It's big, but I only work 2 days a week (and not at all at the moment). We have an au pair too. I spend a lot of time cooking, cleaning and tidying - but I don't like mess and I'm quick and efficient.

[fedupandlookingforchange]

A dishwasher is basically somewhere to store dirty pots.
Are your friends houses bigger? Do they have a utility room, spare bedroom to shove items temporarily without a home, place to keep shoes/boots/coats thats not on show?
A smaller house is much harder to keep clean and tidy.

[Doggodogington]

My friend had the tiniest of kitchens but she insisted on a dishwasher, she said it acts as a cupboard anyway, but one that cleans your plates. I would never not have a dishwasher. As for the other stuff, yeah, it’s hard to keep a house immaculate unless you are always on top of it.

[Bookoffacts]

I quite like housework. If I was rich enough to employ someone to do it I think I'd be bored and play even more computer games.
It's very satisfying. You can't do it one day though and then sit on your bum thinking it'll stay like that. It is quite regular, like showering or breathing.

[Aughrim18]

My friend planned my front room around the storage. It is the one room that is always tidy.

I struggle but what has helped me is declutter, declutter, declutter and all storage designated for a particular purpose.

Marie Kondo approach with a big clear out helps me better than just a bit at time

[Juancornetto]

I feel the same and I have a dishwasher. To keep the house looking clean and tidy I have to constantly tidy away. I have two preschoolers so I'm hoping it'll get easier as they don't need reminding to tidy up after themselves. DH doesn't tidy up very often at all. If he did as much housework as I do the house would be tidy all the time.

[ShandlersWig]

I find it relentless. I decided today I'm going to try doing one job a day so I dont have an entire house to do on the weekend.

[EmbarrassingAdmissions]

Everyone needs to be keeping on top of the washing up and the tidying, not just you.

Everybody but me in my household has cognitive or similar problems (dementia, brain mets etc.) and even if they have the energy to carry out chores, it's rare for them to do anything properly.

The only things that keep everything vaguely manageable are to be as uncluttered as possible and to automate as much as you can afford. We have:
a dishwasher;
window-washing robot gadget (also does countertops, tiles, and painted walls (the walls get splattered all the time when there's a spill or people sneeze);
a re-chargeable handheld vacuum with attachments (I couldn't clean the stairs or furniture without one now); and
a floor robot gadget that sweeps and mops (all of the floors are tile, vinyl, or wood).

The floors still need a thorough vacuum and wash on a regular schedule but this keeps the day-to-day mess under control and largely stops people tracking messy/sticky stuff through the rest of the house.

[babybythesea]

I have a card in a frame on my wall. It says:
I have just cleaned the house from top to bottom. Now I’m going to need everyone to stop living here.

It sums up the state of my place....

[Abitlikeabiscuit]

Agh, OP, I asked my husband the same question esrlier this week. Seems everybody has really clean and tidy houses and ours is such a tip. We can occasionally get one room looking nice but that means all the others are neglected.
I do have two tinies (pre-tidiers!) who are really good at making messes with things and food and need constant care/supervision/entertainment however and sadly no room for a dishwasher or tumble dryer Just keeping on top of the mess takes all our energy every day at the moment.
Really hoping things will improve when they grow a bit because we both hate living like this.

[Aughrim18]

The house keeping thread is really helpful too

[Stripeytopgirl]

Sameeee! I have a 3yo & 1yo. I do tidy, every single day. I do have storage, I don’t have a dish washer though so the washing up is a real pain in my arse. I hate it. I have ‘tidy days’ where the place looks great & days where it looks like a right tip. I guess it’s normal 🤷🏼‍♀️

[fullofhope100]

Definately get a dishwasher. As someone said, even if you have to get rid of a cupboard it's SO worth it - AO do some good deals. Honestly, I live alone but wouldn't be without one. And the never leave a room empty handed tip is brilliant too. xx

[bridgetreilly]

Why isn't (a) 'Has a partner and children who pull their weight'?

Because that was literally the whole of the rest of my post.

[1Morewineplease]

People , knowing that a guest is about to arrive , will hurl a defrosting chicken in the understairs cupboard, laundry in the shed, the microwave pile , ie letters , flyers etc.. into a carrier bag and shove it in a drawer, the laundry gets thrown on the bed in your main bedroom because guests never go there, Toys get slung in a black sack and get hurled into the shed. Just before guests arrive you spray furniture polish on the radiators and make a jaunty folded point on your toilet roll in the cloakroom.

Oh, and definitely rip out a kitchen unit to make way for a dishwasher... you can even hide children and pets in them!!!
I used to ( stress on the phrase ‘used to’) have a friend who got really worried if, when anyone visited, would notice that paintings were in the same position as when they previously visited, as it suggested that she wasn’t on top of her housekeeping.

[Mothership4two]

My DM laughs about my DF and how when she goes away he is immensely proud of how tidy the house is and she comes back to an identical house to how she left it. He basically doesn't move anything. The only thing he does is cook and will immediately washes everything up and makes his bed. The only thing she notices that will have been moved will be the tv remote control. He doesn't dust, hoover or clean.

[JaniceWebster]

JustC

well, clearly I am not the one who needs to chill.... I AM chilled, I like my home and I hate mess.

Why do you feel the need to tidy up for people and not for yourself?

[JaniceWebster]

OP

the TOOM method could be helpful but your main issue is storage. If you can't put things where they belong straight away, you are doing it wrong.
Tidy up is the easy option!

[BobFleming]

It's easy if you have space, much harder if you don't.

When we replaced our kitchen, I made sure there was enough cupboard space for everything. We have nothing out on worktops at all. Not even a kettle as we have a boiling water tap. The utility room houses tonnes of crap as well as coats and shoes.

We have no clutter in our sitting room which helps, as does leaving everything clean and tidy every night before bed. It also helps to have older kids! But we were strict about toys being put away every day even when they were tiny.

[Frozenfrogs86]

Oh gosh, so true. My kids aren't all in school or nursery yet and under 6. So I'm hoping it will become easier.

[LaneBoy]

Totally sympathise.

A dryer changed things a lot for us but we are hoping to get a dishwasher after lockdown (HA property so have to get permission to remove cupboard etc) - I really do feel that would make a massive difference