AIBU to find new partner’s description of his mother annoying?

[Cluehorn]

When we first met a few months before lockdown he described her as an artist and his father as a businessman.

Fair enough it turns out his father owns a shop that sells odds and ends.

But his mother doesn’t actually have a skill as an artist. Apparently she is a deep thinker but doesn’t have a conventional outlet for her artistry other than her thoughts. Secretly I find much of her conversation deeply boring self indulgence but she is basically a nice person so I just went along with it at gatherings and thanked god when she moved on to someone else.

Other than his blindness towards his mother’s “artistry” he is a lovely man. So she must have done something very right in raising him. I don’t know why it annoys me so much.

Is she Bansky

Imagine if she was, that would be so cool!

Maybe not picky, but this would irk me, knowing a real life artist. You’re not an artist if you don’t produce anything, much like you’re not a restauranteur if you don’t own a restaurant etc. Why does he say this about her? Does he hold her in some hugely high regard? Nothing wrong with that, but I’d find it odd for him to say ‘She’s an artist’. My first question would’ve been ‘In what medium?’

It's a bit silly tbh.

I used to write a bit: children's poetry, short horror stories for adults.

I'm going to tell my DCs to tell all their friends I'm a world famous author because, even though I'm not, I really like the idea of it.

It sounds like she may have suffered with her MH and the family protected your DP by saying she was an artist. Equally, they could all subscribe to the view that an 'artist' is someone who feels more deeply or/and is more empathetic hence struggles with RL.
As long as it doesn't translate into your DP infantilising his DM or you or other women, then I really don't understand why this bothers you.

Is it that you look down on a man you see as deluded?

Or did you prefer him as the son of an international financial wizard and a Turner Prize shortlister?

I am a domestic artist...

Me too. Not a very good one, but I'd love to spend days in bed thinking about my creativity...

OP I suspect you are right in your assumptions and also that your DH is being a bit defensive as he knows that his mum isn't the next Frida Kahlo.

This would definitely do my head in!
I can't be bothered with folk who claim huge depth of character or super-interesting quirks and then they turn out to be plain old ordinary but with this inflated ego

It's contrived and boring and for me would be a deal-breaker.

Bleh!

Your partner's father is a businessman.

Maybe when he was a child his mother displayed artistic talent when doing things with him. I used to do a lot of painting and drawing with mine, I daresay he would say I'm artistic but I rarely do anything now.

As long as they are pleasant to you it's not important. Your partners sounds extremely pleasant :-).

"Meet my new guy. His dad's George Soros and his mum's Lubaina Himid. Yeah ... we'll be at Davos next week ..."

This would definitely do my head in!
I can't be bothered with folk who claim huge depth of character or super-interesting quirks and then they turn out to be plain old ordinary but with this inflated ego

I agree with this, it would annoy me. But I accept that I am a judgemental person. But I do think you're allowed to be picky about a partner, it's not like it's a small part of your life.

Maybe she was more artistic back then? Maybe if he doesn't cling to that, he has to admit his mum just needed a break from him? Meh, either way, it's his opininon about his mum, and he's entitled to it. As long as it's not something that affects you, I wouldn't give a toss.

Probably how she describes herself and it's just stuck as his description

Is it because of your own snobbery about going out with the child of a shop owner and a SAHM?

Maybe she just identifies as an artist and you have to do the politically correct thing so you don't misoccupation her?

I think I know what you mean, OP. My ex's aunt and uncle were like this. He was a (very successful) shop owner which meant that his wife never had to work. She had lots of ideas about starting her own thing - yoga/painting/healing/meditation, etc, you name it she tried it. He indulged her every whim and she genuinely believed she was a unique soul, so deep thinking and reflective, etc, when actually she was basically terrible at holding down a job or even living in the real world! She was utterly harmless and really lovely and I think just a little indulged/spoilt by her parents then her husband. We all see the world through different eyes don't we, and this is just the way your boyfriend and his family see things. It's not really harming anyone, is it?

I think what irks me is that he seems to genuinely believe that she is an undiscovered talent had it not been for her life’s circumstances

Well, maybe she is. But even if she's not an undiscovered talent (in your opinion), you are being unpleasant, and looking down your nose. & You know that your description of her will invite unkind comments here. Bit sly to encourage piss-taking of your partner's mum when she's done nothing to deserve it. It's odd you're so hung up on her as well. I guess you won't tell him how you feel as you want the relationship so you'll have to get on with your 2 faces and learn to let it go.

You're sounding mean here. He's known her a lot longer then you.

You’re creating negative energy for yourself by feeling like this. No one else, just yourself.

Why not just shrug it off and not care how he describes her?

I'd see it as a red flag. His father is a shop keeper and his mother is a homemaker. He's changed it to businessman and artist. I'd keep an eye out for any narcissistic tendencies in the family. A mad set of in laws (and consequently as mad husband) can ruin a woman's life once she had kids with him.

With life's experience, I'd be less "give them a chance" and more cautious. Put yourself first.

Does you BF seriously believe that his mum spent her days 'lying in bed, thinking'? Has it not occurred to him that she may have had very very bad depression? How did his father react to this? Clearly not to stay home and care for his son and wife... does admitting that his mum isn't a deep thinking but instead suffers from very poor MH mean that he'd have to face up to having been quite badly treated as a child? To having a father who was dismissive of his wife's mental health?

Is it easier to believe that his mother is just special and creative than that his family is broken?

Maybe he doesn’t want to admit to himself that she neglected him when he was younger?
If it was a man who was unemployed and had been for years because he was a ‘poet’ or a ‘free spirit’ or other such hippy bollocks you may be getting different answers.

It would be the best thing ever if Banksy turned out to be a middle aged woman in her suburbia who was sneaking out in dead of night to be an artistic genius because the patriarchy stopped her living the dream in her own name...like the George Elliot of modern times .

I'm not sure what the definition of business man is if owning your own business doesn't qualify?

I'd have compassion for him, at best he's just bigging her up due to insecurities. At worst he's excusing her abuse, and will take a while to work it through.

Can you be a 'thought' artist? What is her art form, just monologues?

Or does she just have an artistic temperament?

It's making me think of Fleabag's step mother.

Does she have any outlet these day for her artistic leanings? Does she write, draw, create anything? Just wondering what is preventing her from pursuing her artistic nature.