It's not the case that most parents of babies/toddlers 'get no sleep for years'

[Echobelly]

I'm aware I was pretty fortunate in getting two kids who were both pretty good sleepers relatively early on - I was preparing for the worst because all the folklore about having a baby is 'Hahaha, you'll never sleep again' but TBH, I think only about 10% of parents I'm friends with seem to have had really persistent non-sleepers (as in still multiple waking often age 3-4+).

Seems to me that most babies actually sleep with no more than one wake by about six months (and one wake's generally pretty copable) and while it may be true you don't get a lie-in at weekend for years, and may get worken early, it's not years of broken sleep as some people seem to give the impression.

Disclaimer: not implying terrible sleepers don't exist, that that's not awful to live with or that it's anyone's fault if babies/toddlers do or don't sleep

But basically AIBU to suggest that the majority of babies and toddlers don't actually deny their parents restful sleep for years on end?

I’m very lucky that my baby has always slept well and reliably through the night since 4 months. Waiting for this to come back and bite us as they get older! 🤣

It depends who you know really doesn't it. I was super smug that DD slept through from around 8 months but then she goes through periods of repeated waking ever few months. Shes woken 1-2 times nightly for 9 weeks now and I'm broken because I'm up early with her and of course back to work rather than on mat leave. I think sometimes people get a sadistic pleasure out of telling new parents about the lack of sleep but in my case DD is nearly 2 and I'm still up a lot as are all the toddlers of the same age in our nct group.

Well I certainly felt very alone and your comments sort of compound that. Nobody I know had as bad a sleeper as my Dd. I did blame myself, I still do. It made me very unwell. She woke every hour if she slept at all, for 14 months.

So I suppose it's not the norm, but I don't really need anything else to make me feel alone.

The only place I found support was here, it does happen to others. Maybe people are less keen to talk about it for the fear of being judged.

After being woken up to 20 times a night for nearly 4 years I was in no state to hear what other people's children were up to. I spent many years broken and in a daze. Maybe other parents didn't dare tell me about their perfect sleepers.

I think it’s very hard not to sleep when your own body wants to, and children take away this ability (not their fault obvs!)

Also, most people need rest/ relaxation AND sleep to avoid being tired, and again you tend to only get time for enough of one or the other, hence tiredness again.

Now that’s fine and people accept that in choosing to have kids, but it’s also fine to say that you are tired imo.

I’m certainly no expert but i agree my situation is similar to what you have found.

I think you get used to the early wake ups, 7am on a Saturday and Sunday is the new normal. If I get woken once or twice through the night I can deal with it fine.

It was pretty tough at the newborn 2-3 hour feed phase for sure but it passes quickly. I consider myself lucky though as I have heard of people who just cannot get their kids to sleep which honestly must be so bloody tough. The sleep issue isn’t the most difficult part of being a parent for me but it seems to be for a lot of people.

Hope I haven’t jinxed myself for the future

It’s this strange thing where people like to make out every bit of parenthood is torture, whatever age your child is I can guarantee the next will be said to be worse.

I’m not really talking about the really bad sleepers in my post, just the average ones.

@Beldon that’s very true, first it’s oh wait till their crawling/walking/terrible twos/preschool bored etc etc

Most parents have a year of very bad sleep per child I’d say. Then most go on to have a second child. Add pregnancy issues between the two and that’s around three years no sleep.

We had one child. He slept through for the first time at 10mo and reliably by 2 but then at 3 there was bed wetting. Sigh.

I read another thread on here once where someone was annoyed by all the claims made about parents, and they were so right

‘You’ll never sleep again. You’ll never be able to go to the cinema again now you’re a parent’

Whilst that’s true for a few years, lots of people with children age 15 and over can go out wherever they choose a lot. Being a parent doesn’t mean being a parent to a young child and then it stops.

Maybe it’s because the parents with terrible sleepers are the only ones who talk about it? I sleep trained all mine at 6 months and never dared mention it to anyone- it’s so heavily frowned upon.
And early waking depends on your perspective of early I suppose. Same goes for “disrupted” sleep. To be honest my dog causes me more sleep issues than my kids did!

I would agree as I knew no one else with a chronic non sleeper, not one single other parent.

Without rattling on about it, I had 2 kids, brought up the same, routines, same parents...night and day in terms of every aspect of their little lives.

Child 1 literally has tortured me from before their birth, child 2 easy as anything.

Absolutely no one I have ever met can mirror or understand the awfulness that was my eldest child.

I don't know. My 3 children only started sleeping through consistently aged 3yrs + approx but having said that I co-slept from birth with my second and my third so it was never a major issue for us, they would settle easily enough by breastfeeding and I would go back to sleep too easily enough. And if they woke up early my husband would take over then but I'm lucky that he's fine with finishing his night anytime from 5am onwards. So for us it worked but it was definitely more than just 1 waking a night, it was 3-4 waking per night for at least 2yrs for each child but it was manageable.

My mum had three of us - brother slept through really early, my sister was a nightmare who woke up frequently and wouldn't settle and woke for the day at 4am, and I think I was reasonably OK but she had 3 kids by then so I'm not sure she remembers!

I've had 2 bad sleepers. Years of 2 hourly ( at least) wakings and very early morning waking (4am). It was hell and the worst part of parenting by far for me. I've aged 3x as fast as normal I swear.

I'm still waiting for undisturbed nights sleep 6 years later.

Some babies sleep well, some don't.

DS1 was a sleep-lover from the moment he was born. Absolute dream.

DS2 we call The Bat because he gives zero fucks for sleep, bedtime and rest. He's a lovely boy, kind, gentle, bright and happy. He just doesn't believe in sleeping. From day one he would have thirty minute naps and be wide awake for the following 4 hours. No reason; once he could walk we walked for miles, took him swimming, taught him endless sports to try and tire him. Nothing doing - he's just not a sleeper. And now nor am I.

I don't know anyone in real life whose DC sleeps like DS2, nor anyone so sleep deprived as I was during his early years. But these children exist. I think it's just pot luck, so wouldn't dare suggest that no parents are sleep deprived because of their DC.

Depends on your own sleep pattern and sleep needs. Waking once or twice is no big deal for some. Maybe they always went to bed at midnight and had to be up at 6 for work. For others the amount of baby/toddler wakings is a real problem. For example they struggle to get back to sleep afterwards or had been used to going to bed early and sleeping in until 8am. I can remember talking to mums at baby groups who loved it that baby slept from midnight to 5:30am. I classed that as waking twice in the night as I was used to sleeping 10-7.

YABU to expect other people’s experiences to be the same as your own.

Neither of mine slept until they were 2.

YAB massively U

not every parent has friends or family to have the kids over, whilst some start having a night off a few times a months from pretty much the first month! It changes your outlook on things...

I agree, but it’s like some weird competition that parents just make up to sound good

“I haven’t slept in 8 years” -Yh ok!

I don't know how you would measure something like this. There's a sizeable minority of babies who really cannot sleep for any sustained period of time and some of them can struggle well into toddlerdom. I knew a few people like that. And then there are a few babies who get sleep immediately and never look back. And then there's in between. I would say my DD is more toward the being able to sleep end, and it's really very rare for her not to have slept for most of the night (touch wood) but that doesn't mean we haven't had periods of interrupted sleep because we have.

I agree that there are lots of horror stories that do the rounds about all aspects of parenting but I don't think that's a bad thing. I fully expected no or terrible sleep plus bodily fluids from all ends 24/7. I think it was much better to go in prepared for the worst (insofar as one ever is).

My 2 year old DD has slept through since 6 months. Unfortunately she takes 3 hours to settle to sleep because the world is far too exciting.

@Kaheki the OP delibrately excluded the approximately 10% of bad sleepers.

Most of the people I know don't complain about bad sleepers, but getting them to go to bed in the first place and then the fact they wake up earlier than they are used to.