It's not the case that most parents of babies/toddlers 'get no sleep for years'

[Echobelly]

I'm aware I was pretty fortunate in getting two kids who were both pretty good sleepers relatively early on - I was preparing for the worst because all the folklore about having a baby is 'Hahaha, you'll never sleep again' but TBH, I think only about 10% of parents I'm friends with seem to have had really persistent non-sleepers (as in still multiple waking often age 3-4+).

Seems to me that most babies actually sleep with no more than one wake by about six months (and one wake's generally pretty copable) and while it may be true you don't get a lie-in at weekend for years, and may get worken early, it's not years of broken sleep as some people seem to give the impression.

Disclaimer: not implying terrible sleepers don't exist, that that's not awful to live with or that it's anyone's fault if babies/toddlers do or don't sleep

But basically AIBU to suggest that the majority of babies and toddlers don't actually deny their parents restful sleep for years on end?

My DD stopped sleeping at 2 and didn't sleep through until 8. She still doesn't sleep until late.

Her older brother slept through 12hrs from 12 weeks old and never stopped. I knew I was bloody lucky with him. But his sister did take it to the opposite extreme.

DS1 didn't sleep for more than 2 hours at a time until he was about 1yo, at which point he kindly extended this to about 3 hours at a time. I was breastfeeding, so it was always me getting no sleep. This pattern lasted until he was about two and a half.

I had DS2 when DS1 was 4. He had settled well at night by this stage. DS2 slept much, much better as a baby, only waking once during the night, which was pure luxury. The only problem is, he didn't stop. He's almost 8 now and, up until a few months ago, he was still waking during the night. At least I was able to share the sleep disturbances with DP, since obviously night time feeds had ended many years before! Even so, a part of me never slept, as I had one ear tuned to the possibility of him appearing.

My son is 10 and still doesn’t sleep through 😫

My two were both yelling "mummy" at 10pm, the 2 year old has just woken up screaming. I honestly don't think I've had a good night's sleep in the 5 and bit years since dc1 arrived. Doesn't matter how much fresh air and exercise they get, they don't want to sleep.

my brother used to sing all night and scream all day!
My poor mother..

Dd1 was high needs and a terrible sleeper. I didnt want to co sleep so had to just be patient whilst knackered. Shes 16 now and sleeping is her main hobby. Dd2 and ds were great sleepers from day one. Im just glad I had dd1 first.

Had 3 in 3. It was a busy time but I slept.
The small has full blown colic and that was an interesting 10 weeks but otherwise it was doable

I never understand half of the moaning on here and often find it overblown or manufactured as a refusal the acknowledge shit parenting

Hahahhaha.

YABU.
I had a dream first born, slept 7-7 from 14 weeks.
Nightmare second who didn’t sleep more than 3 hour stretches until he was 18months.
I’m still waiting on my almost four year old to reliably sleep through the night.

My DS sleeps through pretty much consistently and has done for about a year (he is 2.5)

I, on the other hand, have developed insomnia... I have been awake since 2am all the while with DS sleeping soundly next to me!
So why can’t I sleep through???

My two were both yelling "mummy" at 10pm

Have you tried ignoring them? They will probably cry a lot but after two or three nights they will learn that there is nothing going on at night except sleeping and that mummy will be back in the morning.

My friends son was a terrible sleeper at home but would sleep 9 hours straight when left overnight with his grandma. Because what he wanted in the night was mummy, and he was used to her always coming in to him, and when it was clear she simply wasn't there, he was perfectly capable of sleeping!

I think it's luck, babies are all different. I only have 1 dd, now aged 4. She didn't sleep for longer than 90 chunks for the first 2 years of her life. Now at 4 it's rare she sleeps the whole stretch from 7pm to 6am, she's normally awake at least once for a wee or a cuddle, some nights 3-4 brief wake ups.

Most of my friends who have 2 dc have found they have one good sleeper and one poor one, for the friends who had the good sleeper first they were previously smug thinking the good sleep was down to them, until they had the second and did it all the same with very different results!

I wouldn’t say no sleep but certainly not as much as I’d like. I mean it’s a Sunday and I was up at 7am stripping a wet bed.

Mine are both good sleepers but the little one still randomly wakes in the middle of the night at 3. No nights sleep is ever guaranteed.

Both of my babies have been parented the same...

DS1 used to be a bit colicky usually 6 till 9 nightly but even once settled later would wake every 30 min to hour all night from midnight... I remember crying one night thinking please just let me sleep for half an hour then il be fine... He was 2 and a half before he slept a full (9pm till 5am) night.

DS2 is only 16 months now but generally sleeps 7pm to 1am has a quick drink then sleeps till 6ish

Two completely different babies.

"Have you tried ignoring them? They will probably cry a lot but after two or three nights they will learn that there is nothing going on at night except sleeping and that mummy will be back in the morning." Everyone is different of course but speaking for myself that is definitely not the message I want my kids to hear ie that I won't be there for them because it's night-time. Night time is quite scary for many of us to be honest, it's natural for children to wake up/want comfort etc. Or indeed not want to sleep alone. I don't particularly enjoy sleeping alone myself.

This gives me hope that with my DS1 being a terrible sleeper, there is a possibility (however slight!) that my new baby might sleep... 🤞

It's the exaggerated language though which possibly the op is referring to. I can remember once when one of mine was ill saying to the Dr on the phone that I had literally no sleep. They questioned me a bit further and rightly concluded i was exaggerating even though it felt like no sleep we had actually got a few hours. It wasn't enough for me to function properly but my strength of feeling made me exaggerate which in turn alarmed the Dr.
Maybe it would be a better message to new parents to say, sleep will change. You will sleep, it just will be different, you will have to adjust your own sleep routine and that might be tough. Doesn't sound as dramatic as you will never sleep again. I had shit sleepers by the way and spent many a night sleeping on an air bed next to the cot with my hand wedged through the bars.

Both of mine were terrible and I mean terrible sleepers. When DS was born DD would wake when he did as he had a very loud cry. Or she would wake up we would get her settled then he would wake up for a feed. Get him settled and it goes on. They were both chronic early risers (4/5.30am) and both refused to nap during the day last 18 months. DD still struggles to fall asleep now at 10 but stays asleep once she's asleep. DS8 cannot go to sleep on his own. We have tried literally everything. We live in an apartment so I think he gets disturbed easily by noise from the living room. He still wakes up at least once a night as well. I cannot remember the last time I went to bed, fell asleep and woke up the next morning. I'm used to it now. But I am exhausted. I have no energy, mildly depressed and totally unmotivated. We live abroad so don't have any family support either. At times I get stressed about it but I think it won't last forever.

Have you tried ignoring them? They will probably cry a lot but after two or three nights they will learn that there is nothing going on at night except sleeping and that mummy will be back in the morning.

Yes, I tried ignoring them. The problem is they have plenty to do at night, last night apparently they were piranha hunting in the Amazon (on the plus side blended learning is working) and then one of them wakes up early and makes a racket until everyone wakes up. Oh and dc2 wakes up screaming at least once a night between 1am and 3am. No idea why, the hv isn't worried. Both dropped their naps fairly early.

@oblada

Agree with you. I would rather miss out on the sleep for a few years than ignore my child crying for mummy!

If I'd read this four years ago, when DD was still giving me sleepless nights aged 1, I'd have felt even more rubbish than I already did. DD didn't sleep through till she was 2.5. For the first two years she woke every night, a lot. It was hell and I felt so alone and like I must be the problem. Luckily there were others on here who were in the same boat and that really helped. People fall over themselves to offer solutions but if you have a poor sleeper, you just really need to wait it out.

DS was a frequent waker too but not as extreme as his sister. They are aged 2 and 5 and now both sleep through apart from the occasional night waking. I'm very relieved, but bad sleepers do exist and I think there should be more support. I was made to feel bad because of this attitude of 'well most babies sleep through by 6 months!'

Also, I would never ignore my DC if they need me. We did a lot of co sleeping and I regret nothing. They are both good sleepers now so clearly no rods were made for my back!

@JillGoodacre for you, I really hope it gets better soon.

Mine was a terrible sleeper for years. Even my doctor said I had sleep deprivation from not having proper sleep for a long time. I ended up sending him to nursery one day a week so I could just catch up on some sleep. He was probably around four before he started to sleep some nights all the way through, even then there were nights when he crept in with me as it was the only way he would sleep.

It is lovely that your children slept okay, but it is really hard on others who's children really don't sleep for any length of time.

It was the total opposite for me. All I heard and still do is that it’s “only for the first 6 months” and like magic they sleep absolutely fine.
I honestly had no idea that kids could constantly wake until they were older ... I was also so smug as my first didn’t sleep well until about one but literally has been a dream ever since and sleeps 14 hours a night , has never had a tantrum in his 9 years etc.
My 2nd child did.not.sleep.for.4.years..
Absolutely nothing we did worked, we had an excellent routine , we’re firm , checked for allergies , reflux , the list goes on. Totally different to our first child. Our third was in the middle but none of our children slept 12 hours straight until past one and in the cases of two of them it was years.
I actually don’t talk about it as I felt like a total failure, I honestly never heard of it in RL , either I had a particularly awful/rare time as your OP suggests or other people lie about it...
I live in a country where the majority of plp formula feed and I definitely think babies sleep better from birth on formula in general. That’s my observation though.
Other than that I think people around me never talk about how exhausted they are etc and I think it’s generally seem as a failing or “there’s obviously something they are doing wrong” , you can see it on some of the posts here. My second out of the blue one night slept through at 4 and that was it, absolutely nothing we did 🤷🏼‍♀️
I actually love mn as it’s the only place where I can talk about how hard it’s been with sleep for me and other people are honest about their experiences..