To ask your opinion on slapping kids as discipline?

[Sizedoesmatter]

Just curious to see what the general opinion is on using slapping or 'spanking' (I despise that word) children?

Mine is a very hard no. I don't agree with it in the slightest and I hate the argument of 'I was slapped and I turned out fine', in my opinion you didn't, because if you turned out fine you wouldn't be slapping your children. However 3 seperate sets of parents out of our friend group do use slapping as discipline, so it's obviously still quite common.

Is it ever OK to slap a child? Do you think it's an effective form of discipline? I got my fair share of whacks with the brush off the dustpan and brush or the wooden spoon. I can remember running from the house one day when my mother grabbed the sweeping brush during an argument. Can't say those experiences done me any good. Others may think different?

I’ve been amazed how many people on this thread have managed to find a justification for smacking. In my mind it can never be justified. It is an absolute loss of parental control and seemingly In this thread, most often towards towards toddlers. Toddlers can undoubtedly be annoying gits but they are tiny and vulnerable. Using the excuse that they pushed you to boiling point is not ok.

Nope. I’ve never hit my kids and I never would. My mum used to hit me - almost every day, until I grew up and started hitting her back every time she tried it. 30 years on, our relationship is destroyed beyond repair now and I don’t want my kids Feeling about me, how I feel about my mum.

At what age does smacking cease to be ok? Three? Five? Eight? Sixteen? What's a four year old going to think when they get slapped for being rude while their older sibling gets some reasoning? And of course plenty of shit parents just get used to thinking of their kids as something they can smack about when they think it's ok, and they don't just switch that mentality on the child's birthday.

I would be very interested to know if there are any patterns between gender of parents and children and if any combination smacks more.

I have 3.5 year old BG twins.
I smacked my DD for the first time a few months ago, after she lobbed a full cup of juice across the kitchen, because it was in the "wrong colour cup". I didn't/don't feel bad about it, but it's not something I want to do for bad behaviour on the regular.
I've never smacked DS.

They say that parents smack, because that's what they grew up with. My dad was a smacker, but has said in later years that he was NEVER smacked as a child, so I don't really understand that. Dad did have a temper though, which maybe that explains it. He also came from a home where his parents were basically uninterested in him. He came in later life, his mum didn't work but was always busy with various clubs and activities (like, didn't take him to the hospital when he broke his wrist at school, because "I couldn't miss poetry club!"), and his dad did 12 hour shifts as a hospital consultant, plus an hours commute either end. Not uncaring, just stressed and busy.
Dad was a very complicated person, for sure. But since he died 3 years ago, the more I've come to reflect on how our childhood experiences ultimately shape the adults we become. He was a prime product of his early years.

@ShebaShimmyShake

At what age does smacking cease to be ok? Three? Five? Eight? Sixteen? What's a four year old going to think when they get slapped for being rude while their older sibling gets some reasoning? And of course plenty of shit parents just get used to thinking of their kids as something they can smack about when they think it's ok, and they don't just switch that mentality on the child's birthday.

I would be very interested to know if there are any patterns between gender of parents and children and if any combination smacks more.

Growing up for me, mum was the spontaneous smacker. Like, when we pushed her last button, it was one or two smacks on the bum, and that was it and the issue was forgotten.

Dad was a LOT more calculated, like "you're going to get 4 smacks for that."

No, it's never ok to hit someone

It isn't ok ever, regardless of reason.

I simply cannot abide smacking, hitting, slapping, tapping or whatever you want to call it.
It's using physical violence, an assault, to someone more vulnerable which I just cannot see how could ever be condoned.

I wasn't hit as a child. My now 18y wasn't ever hit as a child. There's just no need.

There are no circumstances that make smacking acceptable. It’s a loss of control and poor parenting. Why would you do this to someone you love?

It's a definite no. How can you teach children that hitting people is wrong when you hit them yourself?

I would never, ever smack my kids out of anger or frustration. Instead, I will explain to them why they're being smacked, then bend them over and smack 'em on the bum. I'll let them have a small cry and then give them a big hug.

I've not done this yet as DD is 6mo, but I will in the future.

@welcometohell - exactly. That and “more people do it than you think”

I smacked DD 3 times in her whole life . She's 9 now.

Only one time it could be deemed "necessary ". She jaw locked on my lip, it was really painful and she wouldn't let go. I tried pulling her off but that just hurt more. Smack on the bum, she opened her mouth in shock and i freed myself. Lip was swollen and bleeding.

The other two times , I hold my hands up and admit it was lack of control/fear/anger. Once for running into the road and the other for breaking something very dear to me because she was mad at me.

However I did not want to parent that way, or even have smacking as a last resort/back up so found other methods. Especially since my parents didn't smack, but mum would beat me in anger when things /I got too much. I had the occasional slap on the face from dad too, again in anger.

Due to my background I was worried that normalising smacks could possibly lead to something much worse in the future, even if I can't actually see myself doing what mum did.

I would never, ever smack my kids out of anger or frustration. Instead, I will explain to them why they're being smacked, then bend them over and smack 'em on the bum. I'll let them have a small cry and then give them a big hug.

I find that chilling tbh. I can understand (not excuse) lack of control -especially if the person stops/seeks help- more than premeditated and planned smacking.

@Fcukthisshit

Nope. I’ve never hit my kids and I never would. My mum used to hit me - almost every day, until I grew up and started hitting her back every time she tried it. 30 years on, our relationship is destroyed beyond repair now and I don’t want my kids Feeling about me, how I feel about my mum.

I hit my mother back when I was about 15, she'd hit me over the head with a frying pan and I turned round and punched her. She never hit me again. I got dogs abuse off my whole family though as she rang my dad, brother and some extended family to tell them that I'd hit her. I've never been so ashamed or terrified in my whole life..

Now though I'm glad I did it, and if she ever brought it up (she never has) I'd tell her why. My dad also apologised and agreed with what I'd done in the end, as she hadn't told him what led to it. In the end he went mad that I'd been being hit for years over stupid crap. Doesn't take away how I felt at the time knowing how dissapointed he was in me.

Her methods 100% did not work, they caused nothing but resentment, shame and fear. It never stopped me from acting out, if anything I acted out more because I had abseloutley no respect for her. To this day I've very little time for her.

@snowybean

I would never, ever smack my kids out of anger or frustration. Instead, I will explain to them why they're being smacked, then bend them over and smack 'em on the bum. I'll let them have a small cry and then give them a big hug.

I've not done this yet as DD is 6mo, but I will in the future.

This is worrying. That sounds horrible and I don't understand how you could think that's acceptable. You're already planning to hit your child on the bum if she acts out. That's wrong.

^I would never, ever smack my kids out of anger or frustration. Instead, I will explain to them why they're being smacked, then bend them over and smack 'em on the bum. I'll let them have a small cry and then give them a big hug.

I've not done this yet as DD is 6mo, but I will in the future.^

You're describing child abuse. Hitting kids is never okay.

@snowybean

I would never, ever smack my kids out of anger or frustration. Instead, I will explain to them why they're being smacked, then bend them over and smack 'em on the bum. I'll let them have a small cry and then give them a big hug.

I've not done this yet as DD is 6mo, but I will in the future.

So you’re planning the assault of your baby.

I can’t imagine what messed up message a child receives when someone physically assaults them and then hugs them.

Smacking only really works as a behavioural technique when you do it once in a blue moon; and even then only if the parent is respected by the child. My parents smacked me so much I just ignored them, I never had much respect for them in the first place though.

@snowybean - why is acceptable for you to hurt your DC? They are smaller than you and can’t defend themselves from you.

@snowybean

I would never, ever smack my kids out of anger or frustration. Instead, I will explain to them why they're being smacked, then bend them over and smack 'em on the bum. I'll let them have a small cry and then give them a big hug.

I've not done this yet as DD is 6mo, but I will in the future.

You sound like a terrific parent. Not calculating and sadistic in the slightest.

snowybean are you on a wind up because if you are not that is a seriously messed up way of thinking.

I don't smack. Aside from the abuse considerations it doesn't work. I have a teenager with very severe learning difficulties so doesn't understand speech and explanations and also some very challenging physical behaviour when distressed. There are always ways of managing things without hitting anyone.

@snowybean

I would never, ever smack my kids out of anger or frustration. Instead, I will explain to them why they're being smacked, then bend them over and smack 'em on the bum. I'll let them have a small cry and then give them a big hug.

I've not done this yet as DD is 6mo, but I will in the future.

That’s disgusting. Can you really not see that is both physical and emotional abuse? You are supposed to be her protector

Oh jeez, I'm not hurting her! And I'm not planning to hurt her, especially when she's little. No way, I guess I didn't explain myself properly. But if a kid is consistently doing something wrong and doesn't respond to anything else, then as a last resort a small smack on the bum isn't the worst thing in the world. I think slapping on the hand or arm is far worse, and I would never do that. I'm not cold and calculating either, it's a last resort for when a time-out doesn't work. Everyone has a different parenting style.

• I would never, ever smack my kids out of anger or frustration. Instead, I will explain to them why they're being smacked, then bend them over and smack 'em on the bum. I'll let them have a small cry and then give them a big hug.

I've not done this yet as DD is 6mo, but I will in the future.*

That's horrific. Calculated, deliberate & sadistic. You'd be making them anticipate the pain and humiliation. Bending them over? Smacking their backside? Let them have a small cry? Jesus Christ. The 'big hug' afterwards would in no way mitigate that behaviour. I honestly hope you're being sarcastic and taking the piss because that plan of action is inexcusable.

You’re parenting wrong if you need to revert to smacking.