To ask your opinion on slapping kids as discipline?

[Sizedoesmatter]

Just curious to see what the general opinion is on using slapping or 'spanking' (I despise that word) children?

Mine is a very hard no. I don't agree with it in the slightest and I hate the argument of 'I was slapped and I turned out fine', in my opinion you didn't, because if you turned out fine you wouldn't be slapping your children. However 3 seperate sets of parents out of our friend group do use slapping as discipline, so it's obviously still quite common.

Is it ever OK to slap a child? Do you think it's an effective form of discipline? I got my fair share of whacks with the brush off the dustpan and brush or the wooden spoon. I can remember running from the house one day when my mother grabbed the sweeping brush during an argument. Can't say those experiences done me any good. Others may think different?

No, never, ever ok.

I've done it in the past and always felt incredibly guilty. It was done out of pure frustration on my part and achieved absolutely nothing. I haven't smacked in a long time and do not intend to again.

Absolute no from me. I was hit and it did do me lasting harm. How would you know whether your kid would be one of the 'did me no harm' or one of the 'did me lasting harm' brigade? Seems like a silly risk to take when there is plenty of evidence that corporal punishment is never necessary.

It's a no from me. There has been times where dd has really pushed my buttons and I've felt like it and thats bad enough. It scares me.
My mum used to really lose control when she used to beat me. I'd literally be in corner with her punching and stamping on my head over and over again. It was awful and is something I still think about 20 years on..needless to say i am NC with her now.
I know my experience is on the more extreme end but it has made me feel very strongly about hitting children.
The emotional side of its worse than the pain. As a child you think, how can my parent do? You feel so.. unloved and like a piece of shit tbh and no child should have to feel like that.
And know people will come on and say "yes but what happened to you was abuse not just a smack on the bum" etc etc and yeah I get that but to me, the fear of losing control (like she did) is really scary to me and id rather just not get close to that line, let alone cross it.

I did wallop my DS across the bum because of his actions (he was mucking about despite several warnings , putting DS and DD on either side of me , telling them not to change sides , not to cross in front of me - none of it worked )

My DS was maybe 5-6 at the time and very nearly caused a vunerable eldery man on sticks/crutches to fall as DS was just about to dart in front of him.

My DS got a smacked bum ( I grabbed him too , my DS could wriggle out of my grasp though)
The elderly man didn't land face down on marble floring with several fractures .

I am not at all repentant at my action.

@CantKeepSecrets

Oh thank goodness. If an adult hits another adult = "assault" and if it involved pulling down underwear = "indecent assault".

It cannot be right to hit children and thank goodness that most have that awareness.

Mine dc are adults now. But yes I did smack them occasionally when they were younger. I always felt bad afterwards and would end up apologising to them.

As a child myself my mother smacked us but my father always lashed out with his words. Years later we laugh about my mother reaching for the wooden spoon. We don't laugh about the cruel words my father used to say. They still haunt me as an adult.

No. Never justified

It's never ok. I've got teens who have pushed me to the edge but I've never done it.

I associate smacking with being at the end of your tether and losing control. I was smacked as a child and it was normal - all my friends were smacked and so it didn't occur to me that it was wrong. But as a parent, I have only smacked my child when my mental health was rock bottom. I had a lengthy period of clinical depression where I couldn't control my thoughts or emotions, was suicidal and also non compliant with medication. I couldn't get my child to behave well and the more agitated I got the more they played up. I would feel so low and guilty if I smacked them - only would happen rarely because I would scream at them first and smacking was the last resort if all else failed. It would be one or maybe two smacks on their bum, fully clothed, no ritual or anything but the way my parents disciplined me. But when I got a handle on my mental health and was calmer and happier, I was a much more capable parent, I rarely needed to scold my child and they would be well behaved - both of us were relaxed and happy. I have not smacked them since, and have not lost control for about 15 years. I have hit rock bottom mentally since but have immediately sought help so as not to get to the point where I cannot control my temper. I think many people who smack their children don't have any alternative ways of keeping their cool, and instead of censure and disapproval, more needs to be done to support parents to make better choices. Mental health support is not very good, despite all the lip service paid about it.

Obviously there are truly abusive parents who don't fit into that category of mental illness, and they should for sure be censured. But if you are an otherwise loving and nurturing parent, but just happen to have poor mental health, it doesn't help.

I was hit as a child, very hard, beaten might be a better description!

With my DC i was determined not to hit and i never did but you need to have alternative discipline in place & not shouting endlessly and then giving in!

I think we went from hitting children to letting them do whatever they like and we are seeing that play out in some young adults now.

As a child myself my mother smacked us but my father always lashed out with his words

It’s not either or. Neither are ok

But you can’t be assaulting your own children. In fact you canr assault anyone. And it’s not ok because your kids can’t fight back, because they are impotent to stop your attacks.

Hitting a child is worse than an adult hitting another adult. Because the adult can walk away. The child is powerless and living with their abuser.

I wonder how many folks who think it’s ok to hurt their child would also think it was ok if another adult hit them because they wouldn’t do as they were told. Their spouse, their boss, their friend?

As for the pp who said others do it and don’t talk about it. Sure. Because it’s abuse and seldom do people like to tell others about stuff like that.

@Userzzz you have just given a perfect example of why smacking is wrong. The talk of reaching your “boiling point” and showing who “is in charge” completely undermines any credibility to your argument.

I smacked DS's hand once when he was about three. He'd thrown a metal toy at me and split my lip. I felt absolutely terrible afterwards. Never, ever did it again and he's nearly 15.

No.

I'm not saying it's always inexcusable and there can be extenuating circumstances but it's imo still in not a legitimate way to parent a child.

I had a teacher who used to throw a full set of heavy keys whenever somebody was loud (or he was angry...). Didn't actually do anything. Just taught me to hate geography and meant that I was always prepared to duck as quickly as possible. Instead of fully focusing on the lessons... 🤷‍♀️

I have done it, wasnt proud of it, dont think it's the end of the world either. But not a means of discipline I would aspire to, or recommend.

I smacked DS's hand once when he was about three. He'd thrown a metal toy at me and split my lip. I felt absolutely terrible afterwards. Never, ever did it again and he's nearly 15.

And those are are the kinds of scenarios we also need to consider. It's not always inexcusable...

Parents are humans and we sometimes make mistakes. I've luckily never made that one but my mother did hit me once.

I was about 14 and called her a cunt and a few other horrible words (much worse than just "I hate you". I'm still a little bit upset just thinking about it, tbh!) and she snapped. Never happened before, never happen again... And it didn't make her a bad mother or abusive. At least imo.🤷‍♀️

@Kaheki

No it’s not ok. If it’s not something ok to do it to another adult then how can it be ok to do it to a child? It’s child abuse.

This! You wouldn't slap a member of staff if they were late, you wouldn't slap your SO if they left the toilet seat up or didn't tidy up after themselves. I strongly strongly disagree with doing this to a child. There are other ways, better ways, than scaring your children into doing as they have been asked.

My 'D'M was an angry person when I was growing up, and seemed to get something she needed at the time from randomly cracking me one when I was too small and scared to hit back. What she forgot though was that DC grow up and escape, in my case hundreds of miles away. Does she make the connection between her behaviour then and my keeping a careful physical and emotional distance now? I don't know, I've never ventured close enough to ask. But I do know that if/when I have any DC of my own I'll do my utmost to be a mum they want to be around when they're old enough to have the choice.

No from me too. Never for discipline. Only if desperate lunge to stop them from injuring themselves. Like a quick batting of their arm away from a burning hot pan or strange and nervous dog.

Nope. My parents slapped me across the face quite a few times and on a few occasions other things ot. My mum hit me over the head with a full bottle of bleach at age 10, pushed me into stinging nettles around the same age. My dad kicked me in the shin leaving a massive bruise at 11. Apparently I was "answering back". I think they're quite deranged.

Just reading this thread from posters who remember being smacked and slapped is testimony to the lasting damage it can cause, and I don’t just mean physical

I think the aspect of hitting a child - because that is what it is - is so distressing to me because it is a total abuse of power, responsibility and authority. It is victimising the most vulnerable group in society who have no ability to leave, defend themselves without the intervention and resources from elsewhere.

I couldn’t live with myself to break my children’s trust in me. That’s why I won’t do it and never will.

It’s never ok IMO . I’d be finding myself some new friends OP . My children are adults , we never smacked / slapped and i was often at the end of my tether .

I was brought up in a household where slapping and beating was routine. There was quite a lot of stress and poverty plus serious mental health issues. The mix was not a good one and i decided never to slap my own children.
For those who condone some sort of controlled slapping I'd be really cautious of how you control yourself when ill, depressed etc.

It is illegal in Scotland and in Wales. It is illegal to smack and leave a mark in England. It is illegal to use corporal punishment of any form in schools in the UK, including religious schools .
Physical abuse of children is a huge worldwide problem .There are established links between physical abuse and sexual abuse.
It is completely wrong. As a teacher I would judge a parent who regularly smacked their children. Children who are used to violence from an adult in a domestic situation are much more likely to turn to violence to solve issues as an adult.
England will follow Scotland and Wales in banning smacking in a few years and those children who have been smacked by their parents now will remember . Would you trust a grandparent who had smacked you?
I compare it to marital rape. One day we will look back with horror at those parents who chose violence as a form of behaviour management.