To ask your opinion on slapping kids as discipline?

[Sizedoesmatter]

Just curious to see what the general opinion is on using slapping or 'spanking' (I despise that word) children?

Mine is a very hard no. I don't agree with it in the slightest and I hate the argument of 'I was slapped and I turned out fine', in my opinion you didn't, because if you turned out fine you wouldn't be slapping your children. However 3 seperate sets of parents out of our friend group do use slapping as discipline, so it's obviously still quite common.

Is it ever OK to slap a child? Do you think it's an effective form of discipline? I got my fair share of whacks with the brush off the dustpan and brush or the wooden spoon. I can remember running from the house one day when my mother grabbed the sweeping brush during an argument. Can't say those experiences done me any good. Others may think different?

It is bullying to slap a child and serves no purpose except to humiliate them.

I mean no disrespect to people of my parents' age, but purely from my personal experience of my parents and my friends' parents...they all say that getting walloped as kids didn't do them any harm, but I and my friends would most definitely disagree. Delightful, well-balanced, emotionally mature and mentally healthy individuals they are not.

If you have to tell your kids that they're not harmed by what you did to them then they almost certainly are.

Massive, huge respect and thanks to parents of that age on here who realise it was wrong and wish they could change it. That does in fact make all the difference.

So some on here thing no consequence at all ie taking away an ipad etc
That isn't teaching them anything there is consequences faced in life with every decision you make
If your late for work consistently do you think there wont be a consequence , even adults face these daily so not to teach a child is wrong
Taking a ipad off then isnt just about taking the item , its the use of screen time / internet of which the child does not own etc
My son xbox was a gift so therefore if he wishes to play it 24/7 and refuses to come off , should i just let him as after all he owns it

Discussed this with friends all brought up in 70 & 80's and those of us who were smacked very occasionally have no hate towards our parents or feel we suffer from it
Those whose parents used it regularly and for anything and everything have very different feelings

@strugglingwithdeciding

Discussed this with friends all brought up in 70 & 80's and those of us who were smacked very occasionally have no hate towards our parents or feel we suffer from it Those whose parents used it regularly and for anything and everything have very different feelings

That won’t be the same for everyone though. And you seem to be implying that occasional smacking must only be for particularly serious things so less likely to seem unfair, or that it’s less likely to cause harm because it doesn’t happen much.

That’s not how I feel, at all. I was smacked only rarely, by my dad, and it absolutely did cause me harm and make me feel negatively towards him. It mostly wasn’t because I’d done something especially bad, but because on those occasions he was in an especially bad mood and he totally lost it.

@Sizedoesmatter

Baluchistan95 I'm shocked that you don't understand the concept of having a debate and hearing other people's opinions on a topic, something this website is designed for 🤷‍♀️ if you're going to be unnecessarily rude I suggest you scroll on.

Of course, you can suggest all you want. Please do feel free to show everyone where I have been rude. Just to reiterate my comments, I'm shocked that you need to ask the question whether it is okay or not to violently assault a child. Honestly, this is so worrying.

I am no fan of violence but some kids only learn and understand from a slap. Nothing else will stop them. Of course nobody here would slap their own kids (or won’t admit to it) but when you have a bunch of kids to look after and one starts to terrorise the others or smash the house or scream down the roof because he is a devious little c... are you going to go down to his level and start begging him and use the word please? You can’t reason with him. You give him three warnings and it doesn’t work, you’ll slap him and that’s the only thing that will stop the little shit. Who wants to explain to and beg an unreasonable little kid for years? If you do that, by the time they are big enough you will be a mental vegetable who lives on prozac.

Who wants toif , as an adult , the only way to deal with an unruly kid is to slap them, then you're the one with issues , not the kid.

Would you be happy if teachers started slapping kids around again? Your own kid?

@breakfastclubb no wont be same for all but like you said he used it as he was in a bad mood etc , thats different
But you know what if someone occasionally smacks their child within the law I am also not about to judge them as I am bit in their shoes
Before having kids i never intended to shout at my kids , they would eat only helathy well balanced meals , sweets would be rare etc , but there you go
In general though i have 2 well balanced , well behaved polite kids despite getting im sure a lot wrong along the way , they only hate me sometimes

some kids only learn and understand from a slap

All they learn is not to get caught again or it is just a consequence that they aren’t too fussed about.

I knew a boy who’s dad would belt him.
By the time he got to about 9 or 10 years old he would goad his father with “what are you going to do? Hit me”

If you have to resort to hitting I ask what happens when hitting no longer works.

I did get down to their level and ask them to stop doing what they were doing and why. I did it every time.
As I said upthread I think I bored mine into behaving.

Although having got 1 with ADHD and 1 with ADD the shouting and running around and climbing the curtains was just normal behaviour and not considered naughty

Kalifa you’re managing to sound like a fan of violence. Do you have dc?

It's a no from me too. I can't imagine ever wanting to hit my child. My daughter is three and has really pushed my buttons on occasion. I feel bad enough losing my temper and yelling the odd time. To me smacking is just teaching children to deal with frustration/anger with violence.

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble
This is what gets me. The I am such a mature grown up I have the patience of a saint and all kind of psychological magical tools to deal with deviant behaviour bullshit.
Everybody starts with good intentions, they swear they won’t even raise their voice with kids let alone slap them. That’s a beautiful theory. But you know the shitty reality is unfortunately different. Kids can be energy syphoning vampires and some of them just WON’T listen and WON’T learn.
So when you are in the supermarket and you see a tired looking mum giving a slap to her screaming kid, all you see is a snapshot of their life and you are horrified by the abuse you witnessed. Except what you leave out of the equation is that the kid has probably annoyed the shit out of her all day when she finally snapped in Tesco.

Oliversmumsarmy this thread is not about belting kids.

I am no fan of violence but some kids only learn and understand from a slap. Nothing else will stop them

Then you are a fan of violence. And not a good parent. I think only a slap will stop you, it's the only thing you understand. Can I come over?

It is a soft no form me. I don't approve of it, but I would report it to social services or police if I knew/saw someone else do it.

The I am such a mature grown up I have the patience of a saint and all kind of psychological magical tools to deal with deviant behaviour bullshit.

Do I fuck . With my own kid I don't want to become my mother, it's that simple. I've seen glimpses of her in my behaviour when DD was little and it scared the crap out of me. I fucked up many times, I will fuck up again.

With other people's kids , and I work with them, I can't afford to get all ragey and trust me I've had lots of shit thrown at me by kids. Not just because I'd lose my job/get arrested but for my own (mental)well-being and theirs.
A lot of them have sufferers abuse,neglect, poverty, have chaotic home lives, have been made homeless, have been or are into care , have significant SEN etc. For a lot of them school is their safe place.

I want to educate children in more ways than one, not break them.

@Kalifa

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble This is what gets me. The I am such a mature grown up I have the patience of a saint and all kind of psychological magical tools to deal with deviant behaviour bullshit. Everybody starts with good intentions, they swear they won’t even raise their voice with kids let alone slap them. That’s a beautiful theory. But you know the shitty reality is unfortunately different. Kids can be energy syphoning vampires and some of them just WON’T listen and WON’T learn. So when you are in the supermarket and you see a tired looking mum giving a slap to her screaming kid, all you see is a snapshot of their life and you are horrified by the abuse you witnessed. Except what you leave out of the equation is that the kid has probably annoyed the shit out of her all day when she finally snapped in Tesco.

So it is presumably ok to slap anyone else if they annoy you until you "finally snap"?

When your kid is a grown man of six feet, or an adult woman with a black belt in karate, will you still do this or will you magically find another way to manage your anger and frustration when faced with someone who can flatten you?

When your kid is a grown man of six feet, or an adult woman with a black belt in karate, will you still do this or will you magically find another way to manage your anger and frustration when faced with someone who can flatten you?

This.

Or what about an elderly person? They can certainly be annoying. I am sure my mother often felt like slapping her mother-in-law, the woman who criticised her children and ran a finger across the mantelpiece to see if she had dusted and complained about the food. Would you not feel you had the right to judge somebody who slapped an elderly lady in the supermarket because they might have been annoying them all day?

when you have a bunch of kids to look after and one starts to terrorise the others or smash the house or scream down the roof because he is a devious little c... are you going to go down to his level and start begging him and use the word please?

Do you really think those are the only options?

How many times with this same old shite

Or what about an elderly person? They can certainly be annoying. I am sure my mother often felt like slapping her mother-in-law, the woman who criticised her children and ran a finger across the mantelpiece to see if she had dusted and complained about the food. Would you not feel you had the right to judge somebody who slapped an elderly lady in the supermarket because they might have been annoying them all day?

Or a carer to a person with dementia? People can justify this all they want. If you wouldn't accept someone slapping you because your behaviour annoys them, then why is justified to do it to your child?

If that child grows up to be a domestic abuser or a victim, because they see physically violence as an acceptable form of control, would you reconsider your position?

corythatwas it is not my fault that your comprehension is inadequate. You are another one who starts talking about a completely different subject to the original thread.
This thread is about disciplining children, not slapping grown ups about.I don’t know about you but I don’t tend to discipline adults such as the elderly, let alone hit them. Maybe you are from another part of the country where people practice that habit.

I am just permanently amazed by people who keep whining "but kids can be so annnnooooyyyiiinnng...." Yes, yes they can. They're kids, it's their job. You're the grown up and the parent. What's yours?

They can be so bloody annoying but so are a lot of people and I wouldn’t hit them so why would I hit my child.