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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you don't love your pets half as much once you have kids

532 replies

ishouldtryabitmoreachday · 26/06/2020 22:29

We have a dog. We had him a couple of years before I had a baby. We'd had a previous dog together and my parents had a dog when I was in my teens. But I just don't love my dog like I did before I had kids.

My dog is looked after, he's walked twice a day, groomed and wormed, flea stuff and is part of the family. He goes most places with us, but I just don't have that love I had before I had kids. It's hard to explain, is it just me .. AIBU?

OP posts:
MondeoFan · 03/11/2020 18:53

I think maybe pets take a back seat for a while. I got my dog when I had my first DD so it was all about the dog obvs. 5 years passed then I had another baby and for the first year certainly it was all about the baby and the dog had to take a bit of a back seat. Still loved him to bits though and still made sure he went out whether it was with myself DH or DD.
He is almost 11 now and last couple years it's been back to being all about him again as he's getting older and youngest DD is almost 6.

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 03/11/2020 18:55

My children are older than my dog. I think I find myself going 'ooh look how cute' about eg a position my dog is sleeping in whereas I rarely notice cuteness in my kids.
But I suppose I would choose children over dog if I were in charge of filling some kind of escape pod. Grudgingly.

popcornlover · 03/11/2020 18:57

That’s a pretty awful thing to read. I can only assume you are a very, very shallow and fickle person who does not deserve the people and pets around her.

Obviouspretzel · 03/11/2020 18:58

@popcornlover

That’s a pretty awful thing to read. I can only assume you are a very, very shallow and fickle person who does not deserve the people and pets around her.
Just no need for this kind of comment at all.
Mydogmylife · 03/11/2020 18:58

@ishouldtryabitmoreachday

We have a dog. We had him a couple of years before I had a baby. We'd had a previous dog together and my parents had a dog when I was in my teens. But I just don't love my dog like I did before I had kids.

My dog is looked after, he's walked twice a day, groomed and wormed, flea stuff and is part of the family. He goes most places with us, but I just don't have that love I had before I had kids. It's hard to explain, is it just me .. AIBU?

Just you.
Peace43 · 03/11/2020 19:04

I love my dog but if he fell in a raging river I would not jump in after him. I love my kid and I would definitely jump in after her if she fell in a raging river.

If I go in the river I might die and I’d be so upset to lose the dog but I couldn’t justify risking my life for him. My DD is worth risking my life for every time.

Perhaps this is the feeling the OP is describing. It’s not that you love the dog less post kids but that it is put into perspective by the love you now feel for the kid.

atvh · 03/11/2020 19:04

No - why would I love my pets any less? Bizarre Confused

DeathValley69 · 03/11/2020 19:08

Of course you love your kids more than a dog. What sort of a mental place is MN when saying you love your kids more than a dog is considered controversial. As for all the post saying you should never have got a dog, it sounds like most of you shouldn’t have kids!

DeathValley69 · 03/11/2020 19:09

It’s really crazy that lots of you are proud of the mental lengths you go to for animals.😂

SapphosRock · 03/11/2020 19:14

I was less bothered about my nieces and nephews once my own DC arrived. Still loved them of course just had less time to be devoted to them. I imagine it's similar with pets.

JenniferSantoro · 03/11/2020 19:14

@Cauterize

The love I have for my dogs has never wavered. In fact sometimes I think I love them more than my child!
I love my dog way more than my kids. He’s never in a bad mood, he doesn’t bleed me dry, he’s never cheeky, he adores me, he eats everything I give him.
maddiemookins16mum · 03/11/2020 19:14

It’s a different love is all.

BayandBlonde · 03/11/2020 19:15

I haven't read the 500 odd replies, but I cannot relate. In fact my horses, cats and chickens come before children. I chose them over kids!

Mydogmylife · 03/11/2020 19:20

@FreeKitties

OP i completely agree, but for some odd reason on here you aren’t allowed to discuss how overwhelming and unique the love you have for your children is.
But surely that's the point! The love you have for your children is unique- it shouldn't detract from the love you feel for others be they pets, other family members or friends. Love is not finite and measured out in parcels. It sounds to me as though in this case the dog was used as a substitute for children and relegated when babies came along - poor show all round
justgeton · 03/11/2020 19:21

Awful.

Please don't have another child. If your ability to love is finite you best not spread it any thinner.

He will know. And you'll have broken his heart.

Xmasbaby11 · 03/11/2020 19:22

I adore my cat, love her to bits. When she dies I'll be sad but I'll get another cat. It's nowhere near the love I have for my dd. I get that it's different with dogs but still.

1forAll74 · 03/11/2020 19:44

Is it that you can't be bothered too much with your dog now? and don't really wan't him/her around. If so, that's very sad. Dogs need happy owners, they can usually tell if they are not loved so much. I don't see how you can stop loving a pet if he has been in the family for quite a while.

firesong · 04/11/2020 19:04

It's not horrendous. You care for your dog and look after him. Love for children is a bit different, let's face it. Most people have instincts, which are entirely natural, to care for their children above others. Otherwise there wouldn't be future generations.

MissDollyMix · 04/11/2020 19:11

I get it. I adored dogs before I had dc. They were my life. Then I had dc and I just didn’t have the time or energy for them in the same way I used to. (We didn’t actually have our own dog at that time but I had my children young and my parents still had the beloved cocker spaniel I’d doted on for years) However! When my youngest was about 4 it all came back. We now have our own family Ddog and we all adore her. When the children ask me who is their favourite child, I always tell them it’s the dog. I’m only half joking Wink

minipie · 04/11/2020 19:14

For this reason, among others, I think people who are planning to have dc in the next few years should not get pets. Have a child first and then see if you still want a pet. Don’t get a pet as a “tester” baby.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 04/11/2020 19:23

To be honest I frequently like the cat more than I like the children - but they're teenage boys and they are often vvv annoying

CassandrasCastle · 04/11/2020 19:23

Some of these replies are bananas. OP, YANBU...

VestaTilley · 04/11/2020 19:36

I think it’s less intense, because you now know the feeling of loving your child, and you don’t have as much time for the pets as you once did, plus you’re more tired.

I have a DS and two cats, but I still love the cats loads- especially one in particular who is very like a needy son...

AlwaysLatte · 04/11/2020 19:38

I definitely didn't love my dog any less, she was amazing. But I did see her more as a pet rather than a human member of the family which wasn't actually correct from the start. I think it shifts and is different but I loved her so much.

Terriblecreature · 04/11/2020 19:45

18 months prior to having my DS, we lost our beloved dog to a year long cancer battle. We did everything for our pooch, spent thousands on operations and treatment to try and save him. When he died I honestly never thought I would ever get over him and honestly i still haven't and as such don't think I would ever get another dog again.

I then had my DS who is now 20 months. As much as I loved my dog to death (my sons middle name is the dogs name) the love I have for my DS is just on another level. Nothing compares to it. So to me YANBU OP x

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