To think you don't love your pets half as much once you have kids

[ishouldtryabitmoreachday]

We have a dog. We had him a couple of years before I had a baby. We'd had a previous dog together and my parents had a dog when I was in my teens. But I just don't love my dog like I did before I had kids.

My dog is looked after, he's walked twice a day, groomed and wormed, flea stuff and is part of the family. He goes most places with us, but I just don't have that love I had before I had kids. It's hard to explain, is it just me .. AIBU?

Nope. Had our dog two years before DD and he's the source of much annoyance to her because I won't allow her to so much as criticise a hair on his head and his needs come first because he can't advocate or speak up for himself like she can

This post reminds me of an earlier one today where the OP wanted to know why people on MN “are so vile”.....because of you, OP, because of you.

Classic batshittery in this thread - I've been laughing throughout. The above are probably the best overreactions. The second one just about takes the title. It's the second "because of you" that makes the outrage so frothing.

My dogs treat me like royalty and give me all the love a could ever need.
My DD leaves unflushed dumps in the toilet and shruggs at any question she is asked... Can't relate

YANBU. I think those who say they love their dogs the same as their children are deluding themselves. If the house was on fire and you only save the dog or the baby, you know that you would save the baby, and it would never cross your mind to save the dog first. And that's as it should be. Western society is far too obsessed with dogs.

We had to rehome our cat as our baby was allergic. According to Mumsnet, I am no doubt evil. Oh well. I’ll live.

Wow this thread is still going strong.

Long time lurker here who finally got round to making an account.

I'm one of those people who love my dog like a child. I am in no way under the illusion that he is human. I treat him like a dog. He is not my 'fur-baby', I hate that term. But he is most definitely, without question, my child.

I don't know if other people feel the way I do, but I get the strongest maternal feeling around him or whenever I think of him. It is so strong that it overrides everything else. Is that not the way mothers feel around their children? I get the impression I love him more than my friends love their actual human children sometimes, because when I mentioned this to them they start panicking they don't love their children enough.

Child-rearing is hard work. So is rearing a dog. Both have difficulties, both have rewards. Ultimately you are shaping a living being. Remove society's trappings and the rearing is identical, in my opinion. I am also of the opinion that giving birth does not make you a mother. Anyone can give birth. A mother is someone who loves and cherishes her child, who makes that child a priority over their own self because it is natural instinct to do that. Not all people feel that way about their own children, which is a sad and terrible thing to state. There are people who abuse their birth children, and people who adopt children and would happily give them the world regardless of not supposedly having the 'same biological urge'.

I think love lies on a spectrum. You feel you love your dog less, but maybe you are just pouring more of yourself into your baby. Or maybe you do have stronger feelings for your child. As long as both are cared for, does it matter? Love is not finite and it has cycles.

Sadly my dog passed away in April. I wake up every morning with a physical ache and like my own soul has been ripped out of me. When I asked my parents, who themselves have lost a child (my sister), they said it was exactly the same feeling for them. Not more, not less, just the same. As far as I am concerned, I was his mother. I still am.

Sorry for the long post.

I’m currently pregnant and while I assume I will love my baby more than I love my cats, I don’t think I’m going to love the cats any less. There’s enough love to go around!

I got a dog after I had kids and he is my favourite out of them all by miles

@gemgem13

Long time lurker here who finally got round to making an account.

I'm one of those people who love my dog like a child. I am in no way under the illusion that he is human. I treat him like a dog. He is not my 'fur-baby', I hate that term. But he is most definitely, without question, my child.

I don't know if other people feel the way I do, but I get the strongest maternal feeling around him or whenever I think of him. It is so strong that it overrides everything else. Is that not the way mothers feel around their children? I get the impression I love him more than my friends love their actual human children sometimes, because when I mentioned this to them they start panicking they don't love their children enough.

Child-rearing is hard work. So is rearing a dog. Both have difficulties, both have rewards. Ultimately you are shaping a living being. Remove society's trappings and the rearing is identical, in my opinion. I am also of the opinion that giving birth does not make you a mother. Anyone can give birth. A mother is someone who loves and cherishes her child, who makes that child a priority over their own self because it is natural instinct to do that. Not all people feel that way about their own children, which is a sad and terrible thing to state. There are people who abuse their birth children, and people who adopt children and would happily give them the world regardless of not supposedly having the 'same biological urge'.

I think love lies on a spectrum. You feel you love your dog less, but maybe you are just pouring more of yourself into your baby. Or maybe you do have stronger feelings for your child. As long as both are cared for, does it matter? Love is not finite and it has cycles.

Sadly my dog passed away in April. I wake up every morning with a physical ache and like my own soul has been ripped out of me. When I asked my parents, who themselves have lost a child (my sister), they said it was exactly the same feeling for them. Not more, not less, just the same. As far as I am concerned, I was his mother. I still am.

Sorry for the long post.

Do you actually have a child though? Because the maternal bond is biological. Of course women can be mothers to children that aren't biologically theirs but it has been proven over and over that the maternal bond is real. It can be measured chemically.

I love my dog a ridiculous amount and joke he's my favourite but he's not my child, not anywhere near.

Aw. I have a baby, but I still love my sweet old ginger cat.

Totally normal. I loved my cat like a child before I had kids. Now I love my cat as a pet. I get it.

Not sure how to respond to a particular post so this is in answer to mintyfresh.

No, I don't. I have always wanted them, always felt that maternal urge but it fully 'woke up' inside me when I got my dog (he was a puppy when I got him). I never intended to love him as a child, but it happened.

Love is essentially just chemicals. Stimuli signals for your body to release chemicals into your body. It was proven that dogs can fire off the same signals, but not in everyone. Weirdly, dogs and babies both have the same triggers - eye contact, scent, etc.

Some people don't trigger those chemicals. They don't bond with their own children, when biology states that they should naturally and unquestioningly.

I was actually worried when I mentioned how I felt to my parents. I didn't want to feel like I was diminishing their own loss of a child with my own, as I know not everyone thinks of dogs as children. It was them who said it was the exact same pain we were feeling, and that no one else had ever been able to describe it as accurately.

I think the maternal bond is very real and powerful, but at the end of the day, love is only a chemical that can direct and misdirect us. My body clearly loves my dog as yours does for your children. Neither has more importance, it's just love.

I’ve loved my dogs even more to be honest, I see what they do for the kids, the interaction they have and it’s adorable.

My dog is far easier to love than my children. He doesn't need his bum wiping, he eats whatever I give him, he goes to bed when I tell him to, and he's never bored. He is a bit of an attention-seeker though.

To be serious for a moment, I really don't think I could compare the death of a dog to the death of a child though. When you get a dog, you know it's not going to be your pet for your entire life.

This is one of those (thinly veiled) "you don't know what love is unless you've reproduced" thread, isn't it.

@MaelyssQ

My dog is far easier to love than my children. He doesn't need his bum wiping, he eats whatever I give him, he goes to bed when I tell him to, and he's never bored. He is a bit of an attention-seeker though.

To be serious for a moment, I really don't think I could compare the death of a dog to the death of a child though. When you get a dog, you know it's not going to be your pet for your entire life.

Figured out how to quote!

The same could be said for grandparents and elderly friends. They are not going to be in your life forever, but that doesn't stop you from loving them.

And just like my parents, having a human child doesn't guarantee they will always be in the parents life, either.

Can't understand the strength of emotion and shaming in the responses. I have cats and love them to bits, no kids. There is nothing wrong with admitting what you have and feeling differently about your dog now you have children. You feel how you feel. It's your actions that matter and you sound like a caring and responsible dog owner. I'm new to MN and this thread has been an eye-opener in being cautious about what I write. Sometimes reading personal attacks on the internet can make me feel bad for days. I hope that's not the case with you OP.

I understand completely OP but you would probably have got more empathy if you came on here and said you hated your kids

My dogs are sweet and good-natured and never refuse to take the children for a walk. There’s no way I’m leaving them in a burning building.

@thewisp

This thread is peak Mumsnet dog nutter.

It's really quite something.

Also wanted to say that I hope you don't think I'm shaming you in what you are saying. I'm used to writing academically and it comes off as really cold. I get texts sometimes from people asking why I'm being funny with them, but it's a hard habit to break.

Whoever you love is fine. Give it time, see if it changes, and if not, as long as both baby and dog are cared for to the fullest degree, then it doesn't matter. Love is not definite.

And if you hate either your dog or baby sometimes, that's fine, too. The opposite to love is apathy, not hate.

I agree with you OP.

I’m pregnant with my first and the thought of not loving my dog as much when my LO is born just made me really sad

I love my cat, I’ve had her a long time and she has been there during really hard times. I don’t love her any less now I’m a parent, I love the little bond she has with my son, she almost exclusively sleeps with him and is generally his shadow.

Shes cuter than him and often better behaved! I love my dog too, but as he is only a puppy and we’re still getting to know each other I don’t love him as much as the cat.

I of course love my son more than I love my cat or anyone/anything else, but my love for him doesn’t take away my love for my cat.