To think you don't love your pets half as much once you have kids

[ishouldtryabitmoreachday]

We have a dog. We had him a couple of years before I had a baby. We'd had a previous dog together and my parents had a dog when I was in my teens. But I just don't love my dog like I did before I had kids.

My dog is looked after, he's walked twice a day, groomed and wormed, flea stuff and is part of the family. He goes most places with us, but I just don't have that love I had before I had kids. It's hard to explain, is it just me .. AIBU?

@greentreesdream I can't imagine not being able to care for my pets, which is why I bought them. I do think some people don't sit down and really think about it. One of my cats racked up £6k in vets bills in 2 years. Having pets is bloody expensive, and that's just the financial aspect. Some people do just wander into it absolutely clueless with no idea what a responsibility it is. Unfortunately, some people do just get bored.

I did not criticise anyone forced to give up their pet due to circumstances beyond their control. I agree with you. If things did go tits up, I would hope I had the strength to make the right choice for them, rather than myself. Sometimes it would be selfish to try to keep that animal if - for all the will and the love in the world - you can't give them their best life. The kindest thing - the altruistic thing - is to let them go to someone else, and I can imagine that's a heartbreaking decision to make.

It is, and I could not agree with you more that many people have a casual and awful attitude towards animal welfare. I just do gently warn people about the ‘well I would never ...’ because illness and death and disability can happen to all of us - I hope that doesn’t sound too preachy!

Don't think your being unreasonable at all. When my brother was a child I remember my mom getting annoyed with the cat quite often because she was being incredibly clingy and annoying at the most inconvenient times. Especially since she didn't care about us before. Our job was feed her and open the door to let her out/in. But when my brother arrived suddenly she needed to be carried everywhere and weave in and out of your feet with single.every.step you took. If no one picked her up she would start prolonged meowing.

People on this site seem to think that cats and dogs are humans in fursuits. So you're not going to get favourable answers.

OP i completely agree, but for some odd reason on here you aren’t allowed to discuss
how overwhelming and unique the love you have for your children is.

OP i completely agree, but for some odd reason on here you aren’t allowed to discuss
how overwhelming and unique the love you have for your children is.

Goodness, what nonsense. Many people have said the same thing on this thread.

I'm glad you posted this OP, I feel the same about my cats and it's quite a relief to see It is not uncommon, I've been feeling like a horrible person! It was entirely unexpected that id feel this way after having DS, before him the cats were my babies and I was actually worried I wouldn't love the baby as much..! Little did I know that the depth of my feelings for them would change the way they have; I am certainly not a cold person and I am saddened by this. I do still love them, but I'm not sure if it's just that the immense love I have for DS eclipses it entirely or if there's perhaps some protective mumma bear instincts interfering somewhere (I was worried - needlessly as it turns out - about horror stories of cats smothering babies etc. in the beginning), interestingly DH says he loves the cat the same amount as before still.
It has freaked me out that that if my love for the cats could change so unexpectedly, that could this happen with future DC? Please someone reassure me that it's just feline/canine bonds being on a whole different level to your children!?

I am shocked people love their pets the same or more than their children

@Livpool

I am shocked people love their pets the same or more than their children

Are you? Having seen some people’s children, I find it entirely understandable.

I agree with the pp who said love isn't a sufficient word, and is expected to cover far too many things.

One example I see frequently is people describing how much they love something/someone because of what they do for them (doesn't judge me, gives me cuddles, etc).

That's loving something for the sake of the pleasure it gives you, much like "I love my car," or "I love my job."

Then there's the love that is all about you giving for the sake of giving, radiating warmth, good will, and a sort of profound respect toward another living creature/person, regardless of what they give you back, it's irrelevant (obviously must be balanced with self-love!).

If you're listing what you get from someone/something that inspires your love - then you could call it love, but it's self-love. Non-self love is about what you are giving, not getting.

@Alsohuman I don't think it's anything to do with some people's children... maybe just the children of the misanthropic people who love their dogs more. If their own children are anything like they are, of course they wouldn't like them.

Apologies @PatriciaBateman but your post reminded me of this scene and now I have to share it. Perhaps it will provide some clarity for some posters

@alsohuman I mean loving your own children

I know what you meant. When I see some people’s children I can see why they'd love their dogs more.

Fair enough @Alsohuman 😂

@livpool I couldn't agree more. I find it shocking OP is even questioning her sentiment. Those poor poor kids whose parents love them the 'same' as their family pets. What utter nonsense.

WhatCFeryIsThis

I don't know whether to laugh or cry at that video. It's a little too true!

I don't love our cat less now that I'm a mother.

I have however realised that the love I have as a mother for DC is just so incredibly all encompassing and major that it doesn't compare to my love for our cat. And yes, our cat is the best little bugger... But it's definitely not the same. (obviously)

Nope. There were just more of us to love the dog that's all that changed.

I can't believe people are suggesting a perfectly well cared for pet should be rehomed because it isn't loved enough! Madness.

OP I'm not sure I'd phrase it that I loved my pets less when I had children. I was still utterly devastated when they died. But they weren't the most important thing in my life at that point. And as devastated as I was when we lost them, I don't think it's a patch on how devastated I would be if I lost one of my children. It's not that I love my pets less, it's that I love my children more. The animals are still loved and well cared for.

Are you? Having seen some people’s children, I find it entirely understandable

@sunshineeeee thank you! My DM had cats when I was growing up. I never doubted I was loved more

Lol. I would 100% prefer my dog over someone else's children.Trust me, your kids are not that interesting.And neither are mine to you.

Oh totally agree!

@BeautifulCrazy

[quote Parker231]@SusieMyerson - why should a pet suffer from less attention and love when you have DC’s? You put both DC’s and pets needs before your own - if not you shouldn’t be a parent or pet owner.[/quote]
While love is expandable, time isn't. There's a limit to it, and when babies come along, of course the parents won't have quite as much time for the pets as they might have had. No pet owner would ever be able to have kids if they had to provide the pet with the exact same amount of time and attention.

I disagree op. I love my cats the same (they were 11 months old when DS arrived).

What's been lovely is seeing their relationship develop. When DS was first born they could have hurt him (he was tiny) and yet they didn't. And as he grew and could of hurt them, he didn't. DS loves them as much as I do, and as a child told people he had twin sisters!

OP I'm reporting you to the rspca!

Rspca: Hello, animal welfare hotline, go ahead.
Me: Yes, I've just heard about a person no longer updates her dogs instagram account, also she no longer tells her dog "who's my little baby, you are" and rarely dresses it in little outfits!
Rspca: dial tone