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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a naughty corner for an 18 month old is a liitle on the harsh side?

65 replies

nurseyemma · 25/09/2007 21:10

My BF from Uni came to stay with us for the We with her DH and !* month old son. She's into GF and discilpline and I suppose I can be a bit "lax" at times but my dd is only 1!

Her 18 month old ds was regularly put in the naughty corner for minor misdemeanours such as not putting his hoodie on!!!?!

Is she right? Is my dd going to have conduct disorder cos I prefer to "choose my battles" for what I consider more serious stuff?!

OP posts:
Tutter · 25/09/2007 21:11

how feckin ridiculous

"for not putting his hoodie on"

Original poster
nurseyemma · 25/09/2007 21:14

A deep dark part of me thinks she's being neurotic control freak who has to have the most "perfect" child.

She couldn't help but slip in the routine thing when the opportunity arose. Refuse to feel like a failure cos I didn't do GF!

OP posts:
LittleBella · 25/09/2007 21:14

She is an idiot.

A real, prize idiot.

LOL at his hoodie.

xXxamyxXx · 25/09/2007 21:24

thats too much definitly beleive in picking my battles certainly not over a bloody hoodie

xXxamyxXx · 25/09/2007 21:24

didnt mean to rhyme!

TheQueenOfQuotes · 25/09/2007 21:26

I think for some 18 month olds a "naughty corner" (or step, or time-out - whatever you want to call it) can work.....but only for serious things ie not refusing to put his hoodie on

edam · 25/09/2007 21:28

I think she'll regret it later, tbh. Over the top discipline will breed an unhappy child, IME.

mytwopenceworth · 25/09/2007 21:30

Overuse of a punishment renders it useless.

Hohum, put my shoes on the wrong feet, stand in the corner again....no impact.

It's like constant yelling..they tune you out!!

Original poster
nurseyemma · 25/09/2007 21:51

I do agree on the rendering it useless e's if you over use it. Save it for when they belt someone or run out into the road. I suppose her point is that he'll never get aggressive/impulsive if he's "properly disciplined".

I know LOTS of parents with young children. I work in a service that specilaises in parenting amogst other things. I don't know ANYONE else who's like this. Is it cruel?

OP posts:
mytwopenceworth · 25/09/2007 21:53

More likely that he will stop caring when she punishes him or he will begin to think he is a Bad Person who can never do anything right.

Original poster
nurseyemma · 25/09/2007 21:54

Unfortunaetely got drunk on Sat night when they were here and slagged off GF. Think I might be seriously out of favour for a while.

It's just so extreme!!

OP posts:
kitsandbits · 25/09/2007 21:56

I put my 16 month old on the naughty spot

BUT only because his 3 rd oldbrother goes on it and the bigbro gets upset if the 18 month old seems to be getting away with stuff IYKWIM

so its donr gently and more for show for the older one.

Flibbertyjibbet · 25/09/2007 22:01

My 2.9yo has put his little bro on the naughty step since ds2 was able to crawl!
Or he pushes him over towards it in his highchair shouting 'two minnits two minnits'. which is very funny.
But we only started putting ds1 in naughty poorch (as ds1 would sit with him on the step and they'd giggle) as he turned two and only for one minute at first and ONLY for proper naughty things like sitting on his brother and making him cry.

haychee · 25/09/2007 22:03

Was the friend particularly stressed? was the hoodie incident just yet another battle between them?
I get this from dd1 she drives me insane! Always a battle over every single detail. After 8hours of battles i get to a point where im exhausted from it.
If maybe this child was continuously defying his mother it would be hard not to want to punish him every time he does it, especially towards the end of the day.

Having said that, a friend of mine just screams at her kids all day every day and it clearly has no affect on them AT ALL.

I do not punish my dd1 all day every day but i do get less tolerant as the day wears on though. I would also be very uncomfortable of any bad behaviour in someone elses house, but then i dont do staying over like this so im not used to having to relax.

Desiderata · 25/09/2007 22:09

Good grief. When will people realize that 18 month old children are simply not wired to understand these martinet punishments that parents inflict upon them.

Ill-informed, control freak bastards ...

Original poster
nurseyemma · 25/09/2007 22:21

Think time out/naughty steps can be useful for behaviours that warrant them e.g. sitting on their bro etc!

totally non effective for such daft little things, have had 2 glasses of wine now so may start being more outspoken! It's just I feel guilty if my dd does the littlest thing i feel I have to pile in with the bloody discipline. Don't get me wrong I'm a firm believer in appropriate boundaries but not CONSTANT rules and regs.

Also I know under 3s don't really have the cognitive capacity for negotiation so all this "do you know why that happened? It's because mummy asked you to do this and then you did that etc. etc" is nonsnese.

BTW this child is SO placid and amenable, he never cries or protests but neither does he laugh non stop

OP posts:
Original poster
nurseyemma · 25/09/2007 22:25

only feel bad when I'm with her (BF) feel like I'm being inadequate cos I don't intervene at EVERY munute little thing ( in her eyes not mine)

I'm a great believer in ignoring. They throw the sippy water cup on the floor and look at you for a response, IGNORE IT!! Give a smile again when they do something posiyive

OP posts:
Desiderata · 25/09/2007 22:33

I agree with your approach, nursery.

I have a lively, high-spirited toddler .. who doesn't? .. but I've never felt the need to resort to any measure that makes him sit on something. I let many things go (because he isn't even three), and for the other things, I talk to him about it. Eventually, things sink in.

I've never asked him to apologize to me .. but he understands what an apology is. So, if he wees on the floor, I just mop it up. Five minutes later, he'll put his arm around me and say 'Sorry mum. Sorry that I wee'd on the floor.'

It's so much more gratifying than demanding an apology.

Original poster
nurseyemma · 25/09/2007 22:49

Apologies have the desored effect on a childs learning when they stme from true empathy and regret rather than being demanded. When they're forced they're not genuine IMO.

It's constant with him too, every songle aspect of his life is controlled by their routine. He's not feisty or spirited, he's jsut a blank canvas I think it's so sad. My dd (10) is a proper little chracter but that's what makes her fabulous despite all the trials and tribulations

OP posts:
Desiderata · 25/09/2007 22:53

Oh, nursey. I feel so sorry for this poor lad.

What can you do? They're so very wrong in their approach. It isn't, as you say, the way to ensure an empathetic, caring child. If he ends up that way as an adult, I fear it will be in spite of them, and not because of them ...

elesbells · 25/09/2007 23:08

my dd is 18 months, i have an old travel cot thats put up in the living room (we call it the sin bin ) but she only gets put in there as a time out if she bites anyone.

its working for us, she was biting anyone and everyone but it seems to have stopped her doing it.

i would never dream of putting her there for refusing to do anything - if i did, she'd be permanently in there.

Original poster
nurseyemma · 25/09/2007 23:12

that's what I mean biting/hitting is commonplace but serious and should be dealt with fairly and assertively If every kid who was naghty stepped away for refusing to put an itme of clothing on surly there'd be no kids at school/nursery on time ever?!

OP posts:
handlemecarefully · 25/09/2007 23:19

Oh parp at Des and:

"Good grief. When will people realize that 18 month old children are simply not wired to understand these martinet punishments that parents inflict upon them.

Ill-informed, control freak bastards ..."

Yes naughty corner for refusing to put a hoodie on is pure farce and not to be condoned....

But I believe the naughty corner can be useful /have validity even for children as young as 18 months old; in certain circumstances (where it is clear that the child has sufficient comprehension and where the 'naughty corner' is used sparingly)

tori32 · 25/09/2007 23:30

Depends on the reason to need the hoodie on. If its freezing cold and its something he always fights over, then yes, too right. If its a one off and not really necessary then no. My dd goes on it for not drinking when I ask her to. Seems trivial, however, constantly not drinking enough causes severe constipation which is not healthy for her. She refuses because she is too busy, so she gets sat in the hallway with her drink.

So it depends on her reason. Her child, her choice IMO.

tori32 · 25/09/2007 23:32

Yes handle, I completely agree with that statement about understanding. DD is now 20mths, but at 17mths could do something wrong saying 'naughty', so she understood well enough to do it.