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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a naughty corner for an 18 month old is a liitle on the harsh side?

65 replies

nurseyemma · 25/09/2007 21:10

My BF from Uni came to stay with us for the We with her DH and !* month old son. She's into GF and discilpline and I suppose I can be a bit "lax" at times but my dd is only 1!

Her 18 month old ds was regularly put in the naughty corner for minor misdemeanours such as not putting his hoodie on!!!?!

Is she right? Is my dd going to have conduct disorder cos I prefer to "choose my battles" for what I consider more serious stuff?!

OP posts:
chipmonkey · 25/09/2007 23:36

I could not be bothered to fight with a baby over a hoodie. I'd just put it on him! And I don't know many 18 month olds who would get it. Don't know if ds3 would get it now at 2.7.

Original poster
nurseyemma · 25/09/2007 23:47

the hoodie had to go on for a sleep in the car for a 3 hour car journey!! issues to do with adequate nutrition/hydration are in a different league and do need to be dealt with

OP posts:
Beachcomber · 25/09/2007 23:54

She's wasting her time. If her kid at 18 months understands what is going on than he is the most advanced kid in the country!
Too young for that sort of thing.

Desiderata · 25/09/2007 23:55

lol

parp away, handle. Yes, the naughty step, the naughty pad (as sold by Amazon) and all manner of naughty things are wholly appropriate for a kid in nappies.

Couldn't agree more.

hunkermunker · 26/09/2007 00:05

If you over-discipline a child over things like this (where the parent wants the child to do something for a seemingly random reason - and inexplicable to the child), the child stops making its own decisions and trusting its own judgement.

I'm probably too relaxed about a lot of things by many standards. But I have happy, well-adjusted, polite children, so I'm doing something right!

I agree with your approach, NE, definitely.

Desiderata · 26/09/2007 00:12

And I second hunker, again. Nursey, you're approach is the correct one.

They're not wired at the age. If you don't trust your instincts, ask a psychologist. Your bf is asking a child who isn't (I guess) even potty trained, to understand the concept of badness and retribution.

If it wasn't so sad, I'd laugh.

Desiderata · 26/09/2007 00:13

... aberrant apostrophe alert!!

Your approach

chipmonkey · 26/09/2007 00:13

Amazon sell a naughty pad??? God, some people would buy shite on a stick!

Desiderata · 26/09/2007 00:20

Yes, there was a thread on it yesterday.

It's blue, and no bigger than a high-chair table. It has battery operated buttons on it, which the parent can set to 1 minute, 2 minutes, etc.

And it's £25.00.

I don't know about you, but I have nice manners (except on MN) and so does my boy. I cannot countenance a single moment in his development when I would subject another human being (albeit nearly three), to sit on a fecking plastic pad for the crime of being a kid.

Oh ... and it's listed under Toys & Games

hunkermunker · 26/09/2007 00:29

I truly think the world's gone mad when I see things like that, Desi.

Children are becoming more an alien species, to be controlled At All Costs.

I don't know about you lot, but I remember being a child really, really well. And I didn't need any of this borderline abuse discipline!

NappiesGalore · 26/09/2007 00:34

um... if an 18mo doesnt want to put a jumper on and its cold outside.... walk outside with them. they will feel cold. and then they will let you, nay even ask you to, put the sodding jumper on.

easy as that really. is a touch more respectful of the chulds individuality, feelings, dignity ect, than shouting at them and/or forcing it on when they dont under stand why they should nor are they capable of thinking 'ah well, if mum says it it must be true even tho my body and instincts say otherwise coz she is wise and all knowing and i am an obedient little person'

derrrrr

Desiderata · 26/09/2007 00:42

Then we are singing from the same song sheet.

It is borderline abuse, imo. I would be interested to know what parents who bought this shite would think if their five year old was subjected to it at school.

But hey ho. I'm off to my bed now. Good night, one and all.

kiskidee · 26/09/2007 02:03

" if an 18mo doesnt want to put a jumper on and its cold outside.... walk outside with them. they will feel cold. and then they will let you, nay even ask you to, put the sodding jumper on. "

my methodology exactly. She will soon learn, 'hmm, mummy must know a thing or two when she says "Put your jumper on".'

TheQueenOfQuotes · 26/09/2007 12:02

hmm - it would be nice if that worked with all children - DS1 that sort of tactic never worked, but DS2 it did.

Lorayn · 26/09/2007 12:15

I think I started using 'time out' (dont like the words naughty spot, plus it isnt as easy to take with you) when my DS was about 2, I wouldnt use it for not wearing a hoodie, pick your battles and be consistent, if he wont put his hoodie on you bloody do it!!!
Or just let him go without, I often shove a jumper or coat in my bag so when they say they are cold I can ask them 'dont you wish you had your jumper on now hmm?'
When they say yes I tell them how lucky they are mummy knew they would need it and take it out of the bag.
Simple, why cause a fuss??
You are definitely not being unreasonable.

RoxyNotFoxy · 26/09/2007 16:49

Trouble is, if you start using punishments for trivial things like not putting a hood on, you run out of them for more serious things. A sense of proportion is needed.

I take it she isn't hitting him....?

casbie · 26/09/2007 16:56

poor kid!

lucyellensmum · 26/09/2007 17:31

nurseyemmma, you are so not being unreasonable, your friend is barking!

Original poster
nurseyemma · 26/09/2007 19:19

Just come back after day at work and cafe after work with dd, hey she wouldn't get straight in the buggy so I secuded her in the cafe tiolet for one min hee hee

No shouldn't joke really thank everyone for verifying that she's the extreme one not me being a crap unboundaried mother. For some reason she always has and I think always will make me feel guilty and inadequate.

Hmmm you know when you have those long term friendships where that's the main reason you're friends even tho you're poles apart. think that may be the case here, sad but true.....from day one of her ds's life it's all been about control, control and more control.

Poor little mite

OP posts:
lucyellensmum · 27/09/2007 09:24

i have a friend who makes me feel exactly the same, you stay friends just cos you have been for years and thats all it is. i do wonder sometimes she feels the same about me

bubblepop · 27/09/2007 09:56

well im with you on this one, i think the naughty corner is too harsh for an 18 month old, i don't think they can really understand at this age what its all about. my 21 month old just understands now what "NO" means or "No thats naughty" but i doubt if she would stay in a naughty corner for more than 1 second!
ps has your friend been watching too much of supernanny!

Lorayn · 27/09/2007 09:58

Does supernanny put them in the naughty corner this early??

handlemecarefully · 27/09/2007 10:54

I think a little bit of respect for each others methods - even where they differ, wouldn't go amiss though would it...

I doubt that all the posters on this thread (including me) have the single 'right' answer for every parenting issue (although you wouldn't think it, from reading a couple of the posts!)

belgo · 27/09/2007 10:56

I used the 'naughty corner' from about 16 months of age for dd2 - but only for serious things - such as hitting - and I've used it very rarely.

lucyellensmum · 27/09/2007 21:29

how do you make a 16m old STAY in a naughty corner, i don't think i could make my 2 year old.

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